Midnight Sun

Stairs lead to Nowhere
Clock just struck 13
Have you lost your mind
Or something in-between

Your skin begins to crawl
You feel about to scream
Is this really happening
Or just a twisted dream

Tick-Tock
Goes the clock
Midnight Sun
Has begun

Foot prints going backward
Leading up the wall
Are you in the middle
Or about to fall

Walk up to the mirror
Then you start to stare
Wake up in your bed
Were you really there

2001

Super, super, superb!!!! Now THIS is quite E.A.Poe-ish . . . or Alan Parson's Project on Poe-ish!!

Hi Dough, this has really a good rhytm and you know that I love rhymes, as Frankie J says, the story is the job of a great brain. I hope you find someone who puts music on it, cause I see you ask for that, it could be successful lyrics for a pop or rock tune, Thanks for sharing I enjoyed a lot.

Doug, I've shared "Midnight Sun" on the "Poetry - General" thread to highlight it. Hope you get more hits and reads on it, because it's good. (Also more comments!)

I've posted songs on this site (In Sunny Mexico)but as you know,the Replies aren't as numerous as on Lyrics Review.Thank you for shining new light on a poem I both wrote and like.

Wow, Doug!! This is your first poem that is esoteric! This really exemplifies your ability to diversify your writing. I am able to do this as well- but it took me years!! I also studied it in school. Like I've said before, you do have a gift. This poem, if it were a movie, would be like "Clockwork Orange"- totally bizarre, cult classic, and edgy...2001- awesome!!

I also see in what ways you have softened some of the rough edges of your poetry. In this poem, you seem to let the words flow similar to water out of a faucet...a 'stream of consciousness" (google it, and William Faulkner while you're at it) which is a preference of mine.

Your later work is much more controlled and story-telling- both are equally as strong!

love ya,
Jess

Thank you Jessie!This is one of my favorites.I'm glad I Emailed it to you for Comment.(you didn't think she just "looked" up my work did you?)That's why she give me Replies,I ask for them!

Originally Posted by jessie zuppo

Wow, Doug!! This is your first poem that is esoteric! This really exemplifies your ability to diversify your writing. I am able to do this as well- but it took me years!! I also studied it in school. Like I've said before, you do have a gift. This poem, if it were a movie, would be like "Clockwork Orange"- totally bizarre, cult classic, and edgy...2001- awesome!!

I also see in what ways you have softened some of the rough edges of your poetry. In this poem, you seem to let the words flow similar to water out of a faucet...a 'stream of consciousness" (google it, and William Faulkner while you're at it) which is a preference of mine.

Your later work is much more controlled and story-telling- both are equally as strong!

love ya,
Jess

Jessie/Doug,

This is one of the best critiques I've read. Not only enjoyed Midnight Sun immensely, but Jessie's comment every bit as much!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Super, super, superb!!!! Now THIS is quite E.A.Poe-ish . . . or Alan Parson's Project on Poe-ish!!

omg, EXACTLY like Poe- great comparison Frankie! That deep darkness just leaps off the screen and embraces you- you can feel the words, you can visualize the agony. The enigmatic and cryptic nature of this work is what really attracts me to it! Doug has allowed the reader to interpret his work based on their life experiences and varying opinions of what this stanza means, etc..Again, a perfect example of the versatility of Doug as a writer.

Ditto, Jessie. What can I say? Same critical minds think alike, certainly on this topic!

I love this poem. I've always liked off the wall, strange thought provoking writing, whether it be song lyrics, novels or poems. Great piece.

Absolutely. Would like to see more Poetry, Doug!

Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!

Originally Posted by Eccer

Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!

Agreed!

Originally Posted by Eccer

Ah yes, dark stuff Doug. I think I liked this piece way back, but now the button seems to be removed from this site =/ What impresses me is your tight rhyming scheme, and how rhythmic every single piece of yours is! Even when it's poetry!

Thanks Eccer,I appreciate the feedback!I'd "Like" it,if I could!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Absolutely. Would like to see more Poetry, Doug!

See "Clickety Clack".....it's a follow up to this poem!