Shadow Heat

I have accepted a very good songwriter's advice to repeat the Chorus or Refrain 4xs.
As a rookie songwriter, I am proving to myself that 4xs is effective.
Here is the first song found with a 4xs refrain, by Jack Johnson, "Breakdown."
Perhaps my little research project will help other songwriters too!


[Y4O7ufx9D_s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4O7ufx9D_s&feature=player_detailpage[/video]

Hi F. J., Congratulations for making this amazing song that makes "feel" the heat, your description is so real, transmits the emotion, feelings and desperation, sorry for the terrible hot weather, I have heard in the news about people dying for the extremes temperatures, and some people buy blocks of ice to cool their pools, a wave of heat can harm people, please stay on a safe place.
About contradictory words I think it´s a beautiful literally image, and is used all the time, even in the name of rock groups, as Led Zeppelin, or Quiet Riot.
In english it´s called antithesis (¡and it´s from the greek! = contradiction) (took me more than an hour to find the name of this word).

Example: My solitude is jealous of your company. Saludos amiga mía.

I really love your lyrics! They are so descriptive and paint a clear picture in your head. Awesome work!

Originally Posted by mexico62

Hi F. J., Congratulations for making this amazing song that makes "feel" the heat, your description is so real, transmits the emotion, feelings and desperation, sorry for the terrible hot weather, I have heard in the news about people dying for the extremes temperatures, and some people buy blocks of ice to cool their pools, a wave of heat can harm people, please stay on a safe place.
About contradictory words I think it´s a beautiful literally image, and is used all the time, even in the name of rock groups, as Led Zeppelin, or Quiet Riot.
In english it´s called antithesis (¡and it´s from the greek! = contradiction) (took me more than an hour to find the name of this word).

Example: My solitude is jealous of your company. Saludos amiga mía.

Wow, Mexico! Gracias! This is a wonderful post. Now you have enlightened me about English. Also my (our) Greek friends will be glad to see you searched the roots of the word too. Now: Who's learning from whom??? Me, learning from you!!! And for your supportive words about Shadow Heat, thank you so much! (It has temporarily cooled off here.)

Originally Posted by Gemego

I really love your lyrics! They are so descriptive and paint a clear picture in your head. Awesome work!

Gemego, Thank you very, very much for those direct and heartfelt words! Your support is so helpful! Thank you.

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Very cool,I could hear Janis belting this out as I read it.I've got a suggestion for the second verse.They're still all your words,just in a different order;As the heat was hot,Time as fast I spent.That gives a rhyme with "relent".I hope you take this in the spirit it's meant;to improve your song lyric.If this is your first song,I can't wait to hear your second,and third,and fourth.......P.S. You may want to change the word "as"to "was";Time was fast,I spent.Or not,just trying to help.I like your original ending just fine!

By Janis do you mean miss Janis Joplin? The queen of soul?

Oh and yes Frankie, very elegant and neat piece you have here. Being written on a whim as you say and so early in the morning makes it more impressive.
I realize most songs are posted on here in hopes to recieve constructive criticism, is that what you were looking for? If so I can add..

Janis Joplin queen of the Blues.

Oh ok so I just re-read and saw inspiration may have come indeed from Janis' Ball and Chain cover live at the Monterey pop festival. VERY cool.

Doug I didn't mean the genre of 'soul' if you consider it a genre I meant it as the soul she puts into every word. Personally I consider her the queen of rock, blues, (an when she came up) folk..

No problemo

@smoothtung: Yes, of course, constructive criticism! I have everything to gain and nothing to lose by it!! D. Denslowe rather mentored me through the refinement of Shadow Heat. But that doesn't have to be the end . . . plus whatever you say here may help me on my next song. If you read the earlier posts, I even realized after I wrote it that I knew nothing about lyrics writing--I thought it to be an extension of poetry. But after posting the song, I realized it is not! It is an entirely different art form! And I was begging for answers to my questions so I could learn.

Well sorry Frankie I've been over your final draft and I just can't seem to find anything that needs correcting. Everything is grammatically correct, your rhyme schemes and sylobal counts are pretty precise.. and since it reflects on possessive, personal feelings to you, there's really no room for me to offer a change in lyrical content..

I can see where Doug has offered advice en route to the final scripture, (probably along the same lines as ^ sylabol counts and rhyme schemes) props Doug.

Good piece Frankie. And I take it your a Joplin fan..? If so I bleepin love ya, I've always been huge on Janis ever since I heard 'try (just alittle bit harder)' over the radio when I was young.

And yea song writing is very different from poetry. It's easier to switch from that to real life hip hop because of many of the same techniques incorporated into the art form. Song writing is much different.. You have the liberty of pretty much writing whatever you want however you want it. Which gives you much more room to work with, coming from different angles and such. But at the same time that can also be what makes it difficult.

Yes, there was only one Janis. I didn't have her in mind at all when I "heard" my song. But by the time I got the lyrics down, I wanted to do what D.Denslowe does--tell a bit about the style, tempo, etc. That's when I realized it was like Lucinda Williams' Louisiana rock-black-&-blues. Then I listened to some Janis . . . and "Ball & Chain" was the closest to the emotion, effect, style, etc., for what I was hearing in my mind, slightly faster tempo.

Now. If only I could sing like her or Lucinda!

Haha man, if only ANYONE could sing like Lucinda or Janis

Another example of repetitive chorus, expertly done by "The Civil Wars":


[Y-6EwdDiopQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL2BBA6AE6E9DBE42D&v=Y-6EwdDiopQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=2s[/video]

Thanks for turning me on to this great song!You've got good taste!