The Pain

When it rains you can feel the pain
Echo through the rain
Washing away the souls of the slain
Reminding me of what could have been
As I stand amongst the surviving men

I wondered aloud asking them all
Do we deserve to live while others fall?
Many said yes others said no
I was uncertain so decided to go

As I left the salted earth of death
The voices of the fallen wasted away
I could hear them take their last breath
As they fell into the arms of decay

The further I went the louder they became
Their long gone voices still ringing in my head
They filled me with bountiful shame
I could never sleep I would just lie awake in bed

I soon grew so sick of the pain
That I took a gun and placed it to my brain
I thought for a moment should I be slain?
And fall into the arms of decay

After long minutes of uncertainty
I placed my finger upon the trigger
Blowing pieces of my head all over the place
I had finally lost the inevitable race

I now lay in the arms of decay
Wasting away every time it rains
The next time you feel my pain
Deny the shame
Over come your pain
And realize that all must be slain

@Johnb31: You are 18 years old? Amazing. Forgive me, but I feel that you have already survived a battlefield in life at your young age. I feel your battlescars. Your poetry reveals it. If you can write poetry like this at 18 . . . you have a gift. Nurture it and it will nurture you. I wish that you continue to seek life over death. Your poem is so powerful that I felt an obligation to say this. You are too valuable to lose to death by any direct or indirect means. You have much to share with others, whether on a small scale (your friends, those around you) or on a larger scale (as a poet, lyricist, sharing with an even larger group of people). Either way, your contribution is valuable. I say all this without pity or sadness, but rather with pride in how emphatically and well you can express yourself, to the benefit of others.

I wrote this from the perspective of a friend Of mine who is on a search for death over life it doesn't have to do with me so don't worry but worry about my friend. Most of my ideas come from friends of mine I sort of take on their pain when talking to them and I release it in my writing using their perspective. Also I have a really good imagination, but thank u very much for your comment I hope that the people my writing is written about will realize that very thing.

Me, too, John. Feel free to share my words with them if it will help . . . Keep yourself grounded by writing to exorcise the pain. Never allow yourself to be permanently damaged or weakened by the damage and weakness you see. Do what you can to help . . . write about it . . . and--if you have to--walk away. Please preserve yourself. Many poets are deeply caring souls and often lose their own, being bled dry by others. Speaking one to another! But I've lived long enough to learn the hard way. Keep healthy and safe and--if at all possible--happy. Thank you for your response and your poem.

Thank you. It is my mission to help others through my words and actions thank you for your deep, enchouraging comments.

You know you've made it when Frankie J.Comments on your work this way.She's given me the best critiques on this site.You have arrived!!!!!

Originally Posted by Johnb31

I wrote this from the perspective of a friend Of mine who is on a search for death over life it doesn't have to do with me so don't worry but worry about my friend. Most of my ideas come from friends of mine I sort of take on their pain when talking to them and I release it in my writing using their perspective. Also I have a really good imagination, but thank u very much for your comment I hope that the people my writing is written about will realize that very thing.

Hi Johnb31, reading your poem from the artistic point of view I must say that it seems to me a master piece, you wrote and composed it beautifully. On the other hand, from the human point of view, I´d like to say that even some people think that the life must be only pleasure, some of us believe that pain is part of us since we are born, as in a balance, life give us our part of laughs and tears. I do agree with Frankie Jasmine that life is a valuable treasure that we have only once, so we decide if we enjoy this unique chance. As you have the gift of beautiful writings, it would be nice if you open the eyes of your friends to the good things that we have in the life, altough, as I told you before, not all in life is happiness, but bad moments help us to appreciate better the good moments, and we see that people that is in worst conditions than us make big efforts to be helpful to others or upgrade themselves in their lives.
But no matter what, thank you for your poem, as you see it made us meditate on what we think about the value of life. Thank you, and continue writing, you are a number one.

Thank u very much for your comment mexico62. My whole reason for writing is to make people think and that is what this poem and all of my other writings attempt to do. It may seem that I am looking at pain from a that's all this world is but in reality I am describing the creation of pain and where it oringinated. As you can see at then end of the poem I describe about the rain again the rain is the troubles of this world all of the problems, but instead of giving into those problems, find a way to live through it so take the story of the man who lost everything and learn that it does not have to end that way. So every time you feel the rain or the pain of this world realize that it is apart of life and that all must live through it.

You always make me think with your writing.You know what I'm thinking now?Your poetry is the best,simply the best.Thatsmeonthetrain is great too,I know you know that,but it's worth mentioning again.I look forward to your rhymes and rockin' rhythm.It goes together like rock and roll.

Man this is awesome. It reminds me of some of the great stuff that a Czech buddy used to post in this forum, under Lyrics Review.

Working on a squeal to "The Pain" and "The Desolates".

Hey guys I made a whole series of poems starting with The Pain then , The Penitent, The Harbinger, The Inception, and The Desolates. Check them out in that order hope you like.

Originally Posted by Johnb31

Hey guys I made a whole series of poems starting with The Pain then , The Penitent, The Harbinger, The Inception, and The Desolates. Check them out in that order hope you like.

Hi Johnb31, I read this poem again and I liked more than the first time, and is wonderful to know that is part of a series, so I continue now with The penitent, thanks for your good work.

Thank you so much for reading!

had to check this out cause of the title, i was just editting something that i wrote quite some time ago, Dying From Love in Lyrics review. this is a whole lot better than what i did.

Thank you please read the rest of the series I'm sure you will like them.

Sound good but so sad, The Pain seem to be strongh and cover all ur heart. Thank about broken love poem.

Check out the rest of the series don't worry it has nothing to do with me it's a narrative story about the origin of the harbinger of death you will see as you read the rest of the poems.

Johnb31: Today I have finally made the time to read each of your poems in the series. So I started here as you advised on your Wall. Again I am impressed by the maturity of your writing, and I defo like that you end with a note of hope. It's a beautifully done poem on death and giving up and/or not giving up entirely. Now onto the others!!!

I especially want to point out the awareness you have, Johnb , of the dilemma "am I/are we allowed to be better of than others?";
when at school a few of my classmates died, at the age of 14, I wondered for the first time:- I remember this all too well!- :"Why they, not me?"
Now knowing in what kind of world we live I realize we can only "mentally" survive by helping where we can and facing the fact that our world is hopelessly dangerous.
I am eagerly on my way through your poems and anxious to read what is your "final decision"

Take good care in the meantime, my friend!