this is

Thread: this is

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  1. Philip Wrobel said: 09-26-2012 11:50 PM

    Default this is

    this is my heart, an empty casting
    contently searching for something lasting

    this is my void, the space between my chest
    destroying my feelings where ever they may nest

    this is me, an empty shelf
    yet still caving in upon myself

    this is my soul, kind and gentle
    yet the only thing truly frag-mental

    first post of a poem.
     

  2. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said: 09-27-2012 05:02 AM

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    Cute and cuddly.It should be in a card to a girl you're trying to court.Who knows?I like it,but don't have the words to say it!
     

  3. dark1979's Avatar

    dark1979 said: 09-27-2012 08:17 AM

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    Thank you.
    Heart of Steel....by manowar
     

  4. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said: 10-01-2012 04:27 PM

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    Keep writing, Phil. This has very good potential. OWO: "Yet still" could be dropped from stanza 3, making greater impact.
     

  5. Philip Wrobel said: 10-01-2012 07:14 PM

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    Keep writing, Phil. This has very good potential. OWO: "Yet still" could be dropped from stanza 3, making greater impact.
    yeah, i dropped that when i entered a poetry contest
     

  6. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said: 10-01-2012 08:13 PM

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    All the "Yets"could be dropped!Yet,maybe you like them!