Starry Night

I can feel the ocean
Trembling beneath my skin
It flows like a river
Bellowing from
Where it begins
I can see the birds
Flocking high in the sky
They chirp and chirp
As the planes go passing by
"chorus"
I can see colors
I can see black and white
I can see the moonlight
Shining down on us tonight
When everything flows in one direction
We seem to glide
Across a sky lit up by stars of light
I can see colors I can see light
The shadows can't eclipse
Our starry night

I can feel the blood
Rushing through me now
As I lie on the cold ground
Staring up I see
A life of in between
Flowing throughout the crevice
Of uncertainty
With you by my side I feel no conformity
But as if I’m floating away
Into a distant place
"chorus"
I can see colors
I can see black and white
I can see the moonlight
Shining down on us tonight
When everything flows in one direction
We seem to glide
Across a sky lit up by stars of light
I can see colors I can see light
The shadows can't eclipse
Our starry night
Bridge”
The shadows can try
But they won't succeed
To cast darkness
Over all of our dreams
Nothing they do
Will make us believe
That we are not…meant to be
"chorus"
I can see colors
I can see black and white
I can see the moonlight
Shining down on us tonight
When everything flows in one direction
We seem to glide
Across a sky lit up by stars of light
I can see colors I can see light
The shadows can't eclipse
Our starry night

Oh. My. Goodness! Starry Night is unbelievable in its FLOW (especially the flow), its imagery, and meaning. It runs like the smooth, fast river that's implied at the beginning. I am astounded. This is beautiful. Really. The chorus is astounding.

The only constructive criticism I have (and believe me, this song is so great, that it's super minor) . . . is the bridge:

The shadows can try
But they wont succeed
To cast a shadow
Over all of our dreams

. . . the use of shadow twice. Maybe "pallor" (but that's a rather hefty word and may weigh down your flow). Just one very small thing to consider, because I don't want you or anyone else to disbelieve my praise--it is authentic, as is your song . . .

Beat this one Jenny lol. :-)

We do have a thing for stars xD this is perfect. I dont know if I can beat it. I love you, you perfectly wonderful handsome person :-)

And written (or posted) during the Harvest Moon!!

While it was a bit hard for me to feel the 'flow' of the song, the words themselves are really passionate man. I especially like the lines from the chorus-

The shadows can't eclipse
Our starry night '

Something about it just gets to me. good job on this one!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

The shadows can try
But they wont succeed
To cast a shadow
Over all of our dreams

. . . the use of shadow twice. Maybe "pallor"

How about just "pall"....

to cast a pall
over all of our dreams

?

Johnb this is SO GREAT!! keep gving inspiration like this and maybe it wont be long before you have some competition ....tho it took me more than a whole year with Moon before i could even begin to "pretend" lol...

Hi, Tess ... Johnb31 already found his own word to replace the double "shadow," and it's simple and very good, not weighty like the word I suggested:

The shadows can try
But they won't succeed
To cast darkness
Over all of our dreams
Nothing they do
Will make us believe
That we are not…meant to be

Wow. Good bridge.

holy "Insert word here" the flow is magnificant

I just spent 15 minutes writing a post for this,it ended up on the Rap site.On a post that read,"I like Rap music or something like that.here,I'll try again.I don't know how I missed this when it first was posted.It may have been one of those days when you posted 10 songs at once,which you do,from time to time.This is great,psychedelic,my favorite kind of song,after the blues.Now in regards to Frankie's critique.I recall giving her the same advice,not to reuse the same word in a stanza.But let me tell you what Paul McCartney said in an interview I recall."When I showed John,Hey Jude,the first time,I came upon the verse that goes,the movement you need is on your shoulder.I said,I know I've already used the word shoulder,I'll change it some time later.John said,""You will not,that's the best line in the song.""Now,whenever I sing this,and I come to that line,I tear up a bit,thinking about John."I just thought I'd let you know,that nothing in songwriting is a rule.Go with your gut,but don't repeat the same word too often,if you can help it.Or do,what do I know?

Thank you Doug that was a very thoughtful post and maybe I should slow down the posting a bit lol.