Own Up

This came out kinda quick and I guess you would call it a quasi rap song. Please tell me your thoughts.





Own Up


Can you live it down with all your living it up?
At home it's rough,
it's gettn tough,
you fool enough!
Your kids are hungry and sad
and starving for dad,
but you punk your drunk
and a pathetic mess.
Your ole lady is lonely;
if only you solely
suffered the pain of your rein of excess.

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up
Put down your bottle and pick up your kids

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up
Kiss your woman goodnight and your drinkin goodbye

Does your conscience prick you like the needle that sticks you?
Your kids' skip school,
Your rents still due,
Wake up you damn fool!
It's your family who pays
for your partying ways,
but it's drugs and thugs
where your allegiance is kept.
Your ole lady cries
but it's no surprise
you're too high to see that she's wept.

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up
Put down your syringe and pick up your kids

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up
Pull the needle out; take your woman in your arms

You're just a boy in grown up pants pretending to be a man
If you can't step up to the plate, she'll find someone who can

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up

Own up
Man up
Grow up
Stand up

Thanks RickeyJoe. I was thinking of either adding another verse or a bridge, but I just wanted to put this out there to see what feedback I got in order to see if it was worth pursuing.

Put a two line bridge in to twist it all up then back to the chorus. I love the meter I'm feeling it as I say it. Great job.

Thanks Kathy. I am trying to write the bridge, but as fast as the song came out, the bridge is giving me a hassle. I'll figure it out in the next couple days. I appreciate the input.

just add something extra what else would you say thats not the same as the verses or chorus

What do you think about the bridge....Seems I need more for some reason to me.

to trite...know it all like...good idea say it differently

You've got these great verses and you need something extra to tie together like a revelation that this person had and now he can own up and be a man

Good work man. Gives a nice rhyme in the head.

I'm still working on it Kathy....You're right, I rushed it.

Thanks Malay, I'm glad you found the rhythm I was trying to get across.

These are good lyrics,plain and simple.This reminds me of a poem/lyric I posted on the poetry site of ATL called The Store.Check it out,tell me what you think!