Exponentialated

I love that word "incredibilitude" that my sweetie made up for a great rhyme in one of his poems, was just thinking about that over coffee...while very needful of some happy thoughts early this am, and then for some reason i remembered a favorite song called "Exponential"...and from those 2 things my brain exploded in some kind of imagery that i just could not find any words for. And so i just started making up stuff and this is how it all came out....

<33


The moon had no idea when it turned its light on me
that i would be enclaved by its magnetricity
illuminoscillated by the gravitectasy
of its irresitalicious hugnkissability

Be-lied tongue-tied deep-fried and sanctified
ionized revitalized and repersonified
cosmolated venturations calligraphed in blue
Merlinized and crystalized, all because of you

My baby let me paint you in pixELevated love
magnifluctuations of the stuff that i'm made of
electrogrammiphonic pulse and octavizing song
transimotorated like an oxibillabong ()

Positronicated to the nthical degree
Rocketpowervated to inFINilocity
Grandiosified in vernacularity
mystifically delirified in charismasity

Exponentialated till i can't see where i've been
irrelevascillated from i don't know when
disembodied tater-totted dipped in cheese fondue
codically revampified so now i know what's true

My baby let me paint you in pixELevated love
magnifluctuations of the stuff that i'm made of
electrogrammiphonic pulse and octavizing song
Engravelized into your heart, right where i belong.

~♥♥~

This is pure brilliance, Tess! Absolutely totally incredibly funny and loving - I was literally rolling off my chair, laughing at "hugnkissability"

Ah. You made my day. That lucky sod

Thank you So Much!! and you just made my day as well bcs that was exactly the kind of reaction i was hoping to get

...and just in case you didn't notice, I entered this in the "gems" thread of Frankie's... This is easily the best poem I have read on this site - it is incredibly hilarious yet full of love, rhyme and metre mostly good (could suggest a few improvements there), it is C.R.E.A.T.I.V.E.!!! and leaves you with a broad smile on your lips and your heart goes... sheeeezus I need to HUG someone NOW!

Well.... well well well!!! Boo! I am thoroughly discombooberated by the sheer genius of this thang!
It should go without saying that you had me at "The moon" but about 3 seconds later I got all "illuminoscillated" myself! This is Freakin' AWEsome Babycake!!!

... Ms irresistalicious hugnkissability herself <33

You lucky sod. You lucky, lucky sod. You lucky, blessed, life-lottery-winning sod!

This was delicious and very well written!(? lol) And quite funny, it seems like you had alot of fun doing this Truly original and playful

Thank you Eccer and yes i had lots of fun writing this and especially bcs my brain kept spinning long enough to wrap it up and finish it properly

OI i forgot to say, i would love to know what kind of improvements in metre that you had in mind....i know that there are 2 or maybe 3 lines that could use a little attention

Well Tess,

I don't know how you would scan it, so I'd need to know that to begin with. I've experimented with various scansions and none of them form a cohesive pattern throughout; however I've counted your syllables line by line for you, and I think that'll quickly reveal which lines need working with:

The moon had no idea * when it turned its light on me [13 + caesura marked by *]
that i would be enclaved * by its magnetricity [13 + caesura marked by *]
illuminoscillated by the gravitectasy [14]
of its irresitalicious hugnkissability [14]

Be-lied tongue-tied deep-fried and sanctified [10]
ionized revitalized * and repersonified [12 + a possible caesura *]
cosmolated venturations calligraphed in blue [13]
Merlinized and crystalized, * all because of you [12 + caesura *]

My baby let me paint you in pixELevated love [14]
magnifluctuations of the stuff that i'm made of [13]
electrogrammiphonic pulse and octavizing song [14]
transimotorated like an oxibillabong [13]

Positronicated to the nthical degree [13]
Rocketpowervated to inFINilocity [13]
Grandiosified in vernacularity [12]
mystifically delirified in charismasity [14]

Exponentialated till i can't see where i've been [13]
irrelevascillated from i don't know when [12]
disembodied tater-totted dipped in cheese fondue [13]
codically revampified so now i know what's true [14]

My baby let me paint you in pixELevated love [14]
magnifluctuations of the stuff that i'm made of [13]
electrogrammiphonic pulse and octavizing song [14]
Engravelized into your heart, right where i belong. [13]


S2 (stanza 2) and S4 quite obviously stick out, as does L2 (line 2) in S5. I'd personally avoid 'of' as a last, stressed syllable as on L2 in S3 & S6, but that's more a matter of taste.

Whatever the rhythm you felt when you wrote this, tap it, count the syllables (stressed + unstressed) and see if you can make all the stanzas conform. You can obviously vary your rhythm throughout the poem if you wish, but it ought to form a coherent pattern. I feel that S1, S3 and S6 would work pretty well as tetrameter (4 stressed syllables per line), and so would S5 with the exception of L2. Maybe you had a more rapid beat in mind, heptameter even (7 stressed syllables per line = more or less every second syllable is stressed)?

The good thing with your originality is that you have great freedom in modifying the words after whatever rhythm you had in mind

Tess! You hit the phenominability of poeecentric possibilities with your monstrous miraculous rhythm stick which makes me beg you
on my subconscious knees to show pity with my songs and poems,lol
I love these flabbergastronomical lines of yours, ready to be eaten up by any of your humble fans. I let you into a secret: after reading these lines I was transported to hospital as I suffered of a prolonged fit caused by being submitted to outstanding literary features.
IOW: thanks, my dear. An outstanding Piece Of Work!

Originally Posted by amaryn

flabbergastronomical

thank you!!

OI i totally missed your last post til now. One small thing is that with words like 'mystifically' should be read a lil diff than is obvious......in my mind that word laid down as 'mys-TIFF-i-kly'...just 4 syllables and soft on the first, and so that 'word' is poetically rather shorter than it may seem.

S2L1, i purposely varied the pattern and meter just to liven it up before locking someone's brain into a mode of predictability, bcs of how i wanted this to be read or taken.....with a strong dose of lively fun

Yea 3 or 4 or more caesurae, i just like an occasional pause (or surprise lol) again to try to keep from numbing anyone's brain....like some kind of Chinese water torture

but really and truly Thank You for your very astute and detailed analysis and i'm not at all arguing against any point that you made, and i'm cataloging all of it as a lesson in creative writing

You're correct, of course, on mystifically, my bad. I sometimes lose track of how things are spoken as the written word is primarily how my brain parses language, no doubt owing to the fact that I've read and written much more than I've listened & spoken in my life... You should record this on something like SoundCloud & post here, some poetry really calls to be read aloud.

I find it useful to have a good understanding of the mechanics, as long as you don't let that get in your way. Like any mechanical skill, once you reach a certain level, you no longer need to think about it - cycling, playing an instrument etc... It just flows.

Here's hoping you'll record this I'd love to hear your scansion.

hmmm i never thought about soundcloud and i must have an account there bcs i get email from there every now and then...yea maybe i'll do that.....after i buy a decent mic bcs the one on my compy makes me sound like i'm (just barely) "live in Antarctica"

I'm the lucky one
~♥♥~

Originally Posted by Teshka

hmmm i never thought about soundcloud and i must have an account there bcs i get email from there every now and then...yea maybe i'll do that.....after i buy a decent mic bcs the one on my compy makes me sound like i'm (just barely) "live in Antarctica"

it's highly questionable if that live recording would do you any good,lol. It's true you'd need a very good mic indeed, otherwise I advice strongly against it! Or do you like to sound like a fish?

I disagree amaryn, you can get a pretty nice mic for less than £/$/€100 these days. Doesn't have to be top of the shelf. I have a slightly pricier one, but it's also an independent recording device... I've recorded a few for my Russian series and they're good enough - could be better if I could be bothered to work with them in Audacity.

http://soundcloud.com/orchestrainside/railway
http://soundcloud.com/orchestrainside/lotova-zhena

Alright, O.I. as a musician , especially on the vocal side, I have had to deal with so many blurred, distorting, cracking and
horrendous microphones that I have probably become over- careful,lol

Still- I rather say "no"than"yes"

Come on amaryn, don't you want to hear Tess' voice I know I do!

Tess, I am observing you experimentating with poetry! And I like the results! Some experimentatisizing works NOT. But yours does--ABSOLUTELY, DEAR!! Please keep venturing into the unexplorinated, because your results are astounding! (I read "A Dying Dream" just before this, a poem in which you said you "tried" to be dark. Also a success.)


P.S. Lewis Caroll would be so very proud of you!