Untitled....

So im not sure what im calling this song...il think of something. its not finished yet, im still thinking of the middle between the verse and chorus.
Yeh its kinda a *****y song lol taylor swift - better than revenge kinda inspires this song.

3 days ago I cudda said it was fine,
But you came along and ruined everything, he was mine
It was the type of boy-girl friendship every girls expects to last.
But you know the story, you know how it goes...
Here let me tell you if you dont already know.
The slutty girl comes into the picture and he switches from his heart to his head.

*Some rap that i havent thort of yet!*

Cus she's a maneater and everybody knows that,
the whole school knows that,
the whole world knows that.
She's a ***** on heals and everybody knows that,
the whole school knows that,
the whole world knows that.
Why is he the only one decepted.
And she knows that I can see right through it.

As soon as she got the chance she came along, pushed me aside,
Said "hun he's mine not yours, why don't you get a ****in' ride?"
he looked at me with hurt but nodded to her as she signalled to the outside.
Saw me to be so weak yet what was I supposed to do?
He seemed so deluded, why couldn't he see through her too?
Surely he knows how the story goes? everyone else knows, everyone else knows...

Cus she's a maneater and everybody knows that,
the whole school knows that,
the whole world knows that.
She's a ***** on heals and everybody knows that,
the whole school knows that,
the whole world knows that.
Why is he the only one decepted.
And she knows that I can see right through it.

honest opinoins please?

I'm not really into rap but I thought it was actually quite good, a lot of repetition but I assume that's not a bad thing. Good work.

You deliver the message very effectively. The mood is very clear and the lyrics explain the situation and the villain right quick. I don't like this new girl either. However, it isn't very empowering so i'm left with an unsavory taste. If your man runs off for a shallow romp with a known hussy you're surely better off without him? I want to empathize with your narrator but it just comes off catty to me. Maybe that's the point? I don't expect someone who would so easily run off as being very valuable. Does she even want him back or what? Maybe I just wanted satisfaction, some vengeance after being made to dislike this injustice. Definitely thought it did it's job well if you wanted me to dislike the man eater.

I liked it, the chorus flows very nicely, but i felt the verses were a bit choppy. maybe it's the way i read it in my head... but i can definitely see this being a Taylor Swift- like song. And you get your message across very clearly. Keep up the good work