"ashes in the rain"

"Ashes in the rain"

Hey guys... This is my first song on here. I wrote it while I was in a very depressed stage of my life, as the girl I loved more than anything in the world walked out on me. For some reason I wrote the Verses in no time at all but I could never find the words for the chrous... Anyway, any critique would be very much appreciated.

(I have just edited a chorus I thought of and changed the structure slightly)

“ASHES IN THE RAIN”

Verse 1:
I have walked through hell with bags of remorse
Drenched in sorrow,
Broken to the core,
I have screamed out your name and heard no reply
Stared at the Devil
And seen my own eyes

Verse 2:
I have been battered and bruised
by the words that you say
Made many mistakes and many prices I’ve paid
I have wandered alone through the darkest of nights
Watched cupids arrow break in mid flight

CHROUS:
But now you’ve grown to hate me
You were the only one who ever could save me
Looking in your eyes will never be the same
I've seen our bridges and they're just ashes In the rain
Ashes in the rain...

Verse 3:
I’m swimming against a tide
that flows back to your heart
You told me you loved me but lied from the start
I have flown the nest before I could glide
Hung in your noose and left there to die

Verse 4:
I'm holding my heart as it crumbles to sand
Watching my soul in the palm of your hand
I became so weak the day you stopped fighting
When we let go I fell but you started flying

CHORUS:
But now you’ve grown to hate me
You were the only one who ever could save me
Looking in your eyes will never be the same
I've seen our bridges and they're just ashes In the rain
Ashes in the rain...

Verse 5:
And it’s hard because I love you more than ever
And it’s hard because I know you’ll find your way
But how could it be our love keeps casting shadows
This pain we feel will slowly fade away
It will slowly fade away
Slowly fade away...

These are great verses.The chorus should be easier to write because it should be the hook or something you want repeated though out the song.Just try to think what was the most important thing,good or bad,in this relationship that expresses something that needs to be said.I think the bridge,sans the last line, could be reworked into the refrain.Also,since you're new,I'll say this:give some others feedback on their lyrics.It shows that you're willing to give as well as get.Don't just pick the top two or three on top,try to look at some song titles that catch your attention and give them your critique.It's up to you,I think you've got a lot of potential,see if you can encourage others too.

So many songs are about lost love. Why can't we songwriters keep our women?

if we kept them, our inspirations would be positive and let's face it: sadness is out there, and people need to vent. And what's better then hearing a song that let's you know you aren't the only one out there. The power of music is felt through all spectrums, without it out, where would we be?

that being sad, I really like this. A little touching up, but maybe it's just the cadence I'm reading in my mind.