Lies To What Myself Is

statue-in-vines-1348806074_b.jpg


"It's in the ornaments" I
walked past every day.
They said, if I lined my
fingers, tracing the
patterns.
There would be an end to
what myself is.

The garden had many
nifty figurines.
Some of them already
populated with leaves and
vines.
Veins, that all gave it
support.

I would usually spend my
time out of it when I had
to.
No more but a second
and the observation
from it all.

Shapes, which would spread
out in all directions
Some confusing
Some spiraling even
Forming, endless
Foams and reasons, at the
very tip of my finger.

Or was it?

Of course, I could not tell.
What's not there if not
untouched
O'er lies to what myself is?

I find these words more like lyrics.That's a good thing.Another great job painting your picture with words.

Thanks Doug, added a picture. Thought it was unnecessary but, since these boards allows this...why not? :P

Dear Eccer,

I am glad you added the photo to your poem. Not all of us live in urban environments. A statue or monument is the last thing some of us would see. (I speak, of course, of myself and rural living!) For this reason, the photo set the environment for the first line of your poem. Perhaps a city-dweller would have caught on right away to "ornaments." For me, I might have thought of nature's ornaments first. Maybe that's what's good about poetry--its versatility; but thank you for the photo to help set the venue. (I lived in Germany for several years, though, and had the opportunity for lots of European culture! Now I'm back to being a country girl. )

I do not know if English is a first or second language for you. The phrase "what myself is" is grammatically correct. At first look/reading, however, it sounds otherwise. Actually this a clever literary device! . . . This may or may not be good advice for you, but I will offer it: What if it read "what my self is"? This might keep some from being stumbled by what sounds awkward (yet in reality is correct!) in English. Separating 'my' and 'self' actually makes the grammar clearer. On the other hand, I still think your basic phrasing "what myself is" is quite clever!

As to the poem itself--also clever. And deserves several readings!! You've done well. Although I like "Lies To What Myself Is," following is my favorite stanza:

The garden had many
nifty figurines.
Some of them already
populated with leaves and
vines.
Veins, that all gave it
support.

P.S. Another option would be "what I myself am." But this phrasing would negate your cleverness in manipulating the English language!!!

Thanks, for this very insightful review of yours! First of all, what got me going about this poem at all, was the title itself actually. And I know it sounds spacey, because I was nearly sleeping when I came up with it lol. Secondly, what got me writing and mostly inspired was the second line "it's in the ornaments". Yes english is my second language, still learning it!

Also, I've reading up on several famous literary poets lately, and probably been dusting off some of their way of doing things hehe a la Whitman etc etc. It's funny, I never really cared about those persons before. Most probably, because I didn't understand the heck they where saying.

But, Eccer, now you do understand! Thank you for your unique poem; I appreciate it. And you are most welcome for the deserved response(s).

Stick with your first "heard" line/title! I love it when the beginning of a poem or song seems to waft down from somewhere unknown into my mind. Actually, it is the wonder of human creativity, and to that I credit The Creator ... and the vessel ... in this case, you!

Also, your enigmatic "it's in the ornaments" was brilliance. Keep on obeying your own creativity.

P.S. ..."and probably been dusting off some of their ways of doing things." Another brilliant expression, which I assume is coming from your Norweigian language into English, making your phrasing very fresh (in the good sense) and engaging. I love English expressions from 2nd-language writers. To me it makes English sparkle like nothing I've heard from American/English writers. Its source is non-English-language with colorful, engaging English results!

Originally Posted by Eccer

Thanks, for this very insightful review of yours! First of all, what got me going about this poem at all, was the title itself actually. And I know it sounds spacey, because I was nearly sleeping when I came up with it lol. Secondly, what got me writing and mostly inspired was the second line "it's in the ornaments". Yes english is my second language, still learning it!

Also, I've reading up on several famous literary poets lately, and probably been dusting off some of their way of doing things hehe a la Whitman etc etc. It's funny, I never really cared about those persons before. Most probably, because I didn't understand the heck they where saying.

Oh! that I could write a foreign language with the fluidity of thine English! Alas! For me, not even one (except awkwardly).
(How's that for badly imitating 19th-century English poetry/prose??!!!! :S )

Haha, not bad! I guess Then, hows this for badly imitating ye olde butchere englishe http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/po...pian-oars.html ? It's hard enough doing it, as cool as it may sound in your head. It will be awkward for others to see. Especially native english speakers. It's something to learn from though :>


Edit:

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Stick with your first "heard" line/title! I love it when the beginning of a poem or song seems to waft down from somewhere unknown into my mind. Actually, it is the wonder of human creativity, and to that I credit The Creator ... and the vessel ... in this case, you!

You know, that's kinda the key to writing elaborate poetry. It's like a feel you just know you have to capture right away.