My heart is in danger

I'm not finished but just wanted a little feedback. Does it sound ok so far? I came up with it 5 minutes ago so it's still kinda raw.


One look into your eyes
And it was all rainbows
And clear blue skies
I was putty in your hands
Was that part of your plan?

My heart is in danger
I can barely feel it
Beat beat beating in my chest
I gave you my very best
But you threw me out
Like an unwanted guest

You just hung up the phone
And now I'm listening to the tone
Trying not to pull my hair
While running up the stairs
Why did you have to say that stuff?
Why am I never good enough?

My heart is in danger
I can barely feel it
Beat beat beating in my chest
I gave you my very best
But you threw me out
Like an unwanted guest

Sounds like a real cool pop song with an irresistible beat and an 80s flavor. i imagine a groove like Michael Jackson's Billie Jean or Madonna's Like a Virgin.

Thanks! I don't really know what the beat is yet. I just know it's suppose to be faster than it is slow... if that makes sense Haha

I think the third stanza could use a little rearranging. Maybe a more complicated rhyme scheme. I think it's possible just to shift the lines around and make them fit again. If you alternate your rhyming lines it ties together better, like what you did with your refrain. Good job keep it up