Downtown

Thread: Downtown

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  1. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

    Default Downtown

    Took a bus to the other side of town
    Found a man who could turn a frown upside down
    He spoke smooth, as a rushing river
    He spoke words that would make you quiver
    He said we got the man to set you free
    He's got the stuff that don't grow on trees
    The kind of things you see in the movies
    Like peace and happy memories
    "Chorus"
    I've got buildings all around
    I feel awake but I'm nowhere to be found
    I feel the ashes from the chimneys
    Come raining down
    I am I am in downtown

    Walking down the boulevards

    The streets surround me like jagged shards
    The cars of plenty erode away
    The road, like river rushing in the day
    I wonder how it came to this

    Rivers of steal and total remiss
    The man looked at me and said
    The world will spin until it's dead
    "Chorus"
    I've got buildings all around
    I feel awake but I'm nowhere to be found
    I feel the ashes from the chimneys
    Come raining down
    I am I am in downtown
    "Bridge"
    I say how
    Do you escape this sound
    The sound of anguish
    So easy to be found
    Can you hear the blood
    Flowing in an out
    Of the streets
    With open breathing mouths
    I wonder if this is how it is?
    Is this the world broken and spent?
    Caught here in the middle of downtown
    Running in and out and all around
    "Chorus"
    We've got buildings all around
    We feel awake but we're nowhere to be found
    We feel the ashes from the chimneys
    Come raining down
    We we are in downtown

    The man said listen to me now
    You can, you can be found
    Just listen to the sweet sound
    Within your heart the truth can be found
    Last edited by Johnb31; 06-29-2015 at 12:35 AM.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  2. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    John,I come around to see if any of my favorite writers have posted anything.Since you're one of them,I'm here!Let me make a suggestion,I heavily hope you consider......."I don't know what to say,I don't know what to do*"instead of that "anyhow" thing!Believe me on this one..........good write,as always!*you'll be in good company with this line.No,it's not mine,but I wish it was!
    (one more thing......great avatar!)
     
  3. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Good suggestion Doug! Yeah my avatar does look pretty cool it's rare when I am in good photos haha the lighting has to be just right.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  4. AmirMaor's Avatar

    AmirMaor said:

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    like it, very good "
     
  5. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    I'm glad you took my suggestion,sort of."I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do!"Has such power...........oh,well,I tried!
    you'd have to hear it sung to get what I'm going for!
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 02-04-2014 at 06:37 PM.
     
  6. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    I'm sorry Doug I meant to change it I didn't look what I was doing haha.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind
     
  7. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

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    Per-fec-to!!!!
     
  8. pq92k said:

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    I like how the bridge (best part of the lyrics) is lengthy and it connects the other parts of the lyrics together. This could be a good slow-burner type of a song. Perhaps consider combining the first two verses as one. They are short; quickly delve into the chorus, and they don't allow for enough time to let your ideas simmer. As for the chorus, lines 2 and 3 are out of tone with the other lines. They are too plain. All in all, this has the potential to be a truly great song, as you have already provided the right amount of material. Onward and upward, Johnb31! You have so much potential and I was very pleased to read your lyrics.
     
  9. Johnb31's Avatar

    Johnb31 said:

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    Thank you so much for your comment!! I forgot about this song so thank you for bringing it to my attention. I'll look into improving this song thanking for helping me.
    There is not enough space or time to truly let the song unwind