Breakup Rap: PLEASE READ!!!!!

I've been working on this for a couple of days. It does still need a lot of work, mainly the first part of the first verse i just need a few ideas. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday and we were at almost a year and the song kinda explains what happened and says how I feel, so tell me what you think.

Verse 1: You were the moonlight of my life, all night long. I just had to sing you a song.
then you went home and little did I know.
You were already planning what you were gonna say to me.
Next day comes, it all goes cold and the tale has just been told.
"I can't do it, I have a lot going on and guess what my song, died.
and the moonlight is connected to the wall switch,
the light turned off and the tears are still fallin.
Hearing your voice saying those words
hurts so bad, but I ain't mad, just confused and hurt.

Chorus: Everything that I want, I want from you. But, I just can't have you and everything that I need, I need from you, but I just can't have you.

Verse 2: You were all I wanted, all I needed. Then out of nowhere, it got complicated, I got frustrated.
I said some things, I thought some things, I didn't mean, I don't want, you to go.
You left me in a cyclone of misery, without a second thought, or that's how it seems.
I don't want to believe, to accept that you're gone, it can't be.
I had you in my arms less than 24 hours ago, now I have to throw out the flowers.
I had it planned, but damn you just have powers over me.

Chorus: Everything that I want, I want from you. But, I just can't have you and everything that I need, I need from you, but I just can't have you.

Verse 3: It was that one day oh the shame, Yes! It was him all over again.
I confronted you yelled back at me and left me suffering, that's the last ring.
You know the marriage rings, engagement marriage and suffering.
I haven't seen the others yet, you were the golden girl, but you left. My stomach's in a whirl.
My heart is beating a violent tattoo against my chest, it's taboo.
I'm falling through sound and the bridge between the towns, named pain and misery. Then you blew up the bridge, the feelings collided and made fury.
Now sadness is setting in like a tsunami, rushing by and taking all of it away from me.

Bridge: You had to crack it in half, I could've bled to death, from the chest.
Who would've cared, I'll tell you, I'm just scared.
It's a sin, I guess we can't make things the way they should've been.

Chorus: Everything that I want, I want from you. But, I just can't have you and everything that I need, I need from you, but I just can't have you.

Outro: I'm sorry, for everything, I won't bother you ever again.
Go, find someone better than me, it'll be easy. There are a number of others for you, but nothing for me, and that's ok.
I don't deserve it. I learned a lesson, I earned ii.
Guess what, I'm still stung, worse than a punch to the face, especially when I tried to give you time and space.
Why did you even see anything in me? I have nothing, but you? A billion things. My biggest regret is never telling you just how much you meant to me.
I'm Sorry, ... for Everything.

First I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup, but don't give up because life is not over.

I think that word cadence is a lot about personal style amd comfort so I didn't wanna mess with this too much, and really i just have a couple of minor suggestions.....just for impact.....

verse 1:
.....
.....
You were already planning what you were gonna say.
Next day, it all goes cold 'cause now my fate has been told.
:.......
[....moonlight...]
When you turned off the light it hurt like a b***ch
.....
Pain is so bad [don't over-use 'hurt']

other lines:

You spun me in a cyclone of misery, without a second thought, well thats how it seems

You know the marriage rings, engagement, now its the end of everything

Now/And/The sadness rolls through me like a tsunami, crashing in and taking all of it away from me

It's a sin, no way to remake things the way they should've been

- - -

Not much, and there are 2 or 3 other lines that I would want to rap or hear differently, but maybe you could make it work with style.....but sometimes I think that after we hear ourselves say something then we'll be led to think of something a little better.

I also believe that this rap can easily accommodate some dead space, like instead of rapping 12 just go with half a line or less.

Altogether i think this is doable and it defo gets the point across. Nice work

You have some REALLY great lines (like You left me in a cyclone of misery, without a second thought, or that's how it seems)! I do agree with Teshka's suggestions, I think it will help it flow a lot better. There is a lot of deep emotion in this and that is what makes it so great.

Thank you guys I'll definitely try it although there is one thing I will not change. The suffering part. There's a very funny joke that goes like this. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the sufferring. Which in that line is what i'm referring too. Adding the joke and turning it into the emotional verse it's made into makes it for me and I won't change it. I know it's tough but I will never resort to take my own life. I felt like it after but I always know things get better. Thank you very much for your input, I'll see how I like it

Well you own it dudeman so whatever you say works for me, and thank you for the explanation