I need help!

The point is that I wrote some English lyrics and we will record our songs soon.

BUT I'm really insecure about the grammar, tenses, expressions and so on(for English not my first language)
I would be really grateful if someone could just read them and tell me the mistakes.
I know, they're not profound, just simple and most of them don't even rhyme.
but please... it would be so helpful to know what is wrong about them...


You were awake all night long
asked yourself what you've done wrong
but it is not as he has told
nothing of this was your fault

Never try to erase your pain with violence
maybe you'll get lost forever
but don't don't trap yourself in silence
and wait until your life gets better

all of this was so hard to take take
you still suffer from what he did to you
and if it all was just a fake
you'd better don't know on it

Never try to.....

You can listen to an old version of it here http://www.cbrauer.de/downloads/silverheartdelay.mp3, to get an idea of it, but there are mistakes in the music and a mistuned voice and no drumming ...

The next one is called MOnkeylike(the point of view changes in it)

Everyone admires me, I'm getting high
nice view from 2000 metres in the air
gazing from above with my condescending glance
next to me you are just a fly

You are pefect to show
that humans have the same forefathers as monkeys
wallow yourself in your
fictitous hierachy
pretty prehistoric opinion
the man is having fun and the woman keeps the house

Everything is perfectly organized
my stuff lies on the table in an angle
of 90 degrees
but inside rules confusion

You are perfect... and so on

I only repeat what I said before, please! I really need your help...

Originally Posted by monsterauge

...you'd better don't know on it

This is the only part that I don't understand. What exactly are you trying to convey with this line?

Thanks for the reply!
I don't really know the meaning of it, too... it should be you'd better don't know oF it, though... or about, maybe ?

I agree with what the two of you said. However, it really isn't all that important to change anything. That's the beauty of music. As long as the message is getting across, it doesn't matter what's being said. It could nearly be jibberish and still be good as long as it's understood. I think your songs are just fine. Good job.

Thanks ...
Yes... I agree, but the grammar should be right, I think
I've got another one. It's about an outsider who' s at my school. It's a bit more thrown together... but I love playing it. I can put down the link when we've recorded them, if you want to listen to the songs.

You have to understand were they come from
to know where they will go
no one deserves being abandoned
I think you're sick

and I see you going mad again, you
break together near me
but you'll never try to get rid of it
what did you do that they refuse you

I'm so helpless
just static,
beetween this misery all around me
you'll keep silent
just endless
I've never seen you crying

Why do they dislike you?
They don't even know you
they speak ill about you
and imagine you don't notice it

and if you were torn inside
no one would bother
and no one would realize it
maybe not even you...

...'ll keep silent
just endless
I''ve never seen you crying


I'd be grateful for comments...