new stuff

this is the new concept album i am working on...i sing, play guitar, and bass, and keyboards.. my friend travis plays drums. the concept of the album is: i created a character resembeling myself.. he is bipolar and he has a large problem with social anxiety...he is well-read and a definite thinker but he feels like the world is at loss. he has given up on love and on standing up for what is right, so he decides to lock himself inside his room until he figures himslef/the world out...using the arts as his medium...the introductions to the songs are his thoughts and thoughts are his artistic expressions...i wrote all of these songs locked in my room so i could get inside his head...tell me what you think...

I lie on the floor of my room...looking up at the ceiling taking in the sights. I am nothing, everything I was told I could be, was fiction. The people in my life aren’t really people at all, they are more like amoebas floating aimlessly with their optimism and their hope in their front pockets. Me, I am in the f***ing world, I see it for what it really is...desolate. I feverishly glance up down and around my walls which have been scribbled on with permanent markers to my liking. Maybe it’s the drugs, maybe it’s the fear but I am done with love, I am done with hope, I am done with her. She used to scream at me, she was a bit loquacious for my liking. We had our ups and our downs but we savored the hate like precious gem stones that could vanish into thin air at every given turn. I have deplorable qualities, I tend to smoke too much and sometimes I can be abrasive, but does that constitute what she did to me? I don’t think it does. I think she is the one who has truly lost all hope...f***ing narcissist. I rebel against what I think is wrong i.e. religious persecution, racial discrimination, and above all, war. Am I being productive is the question. Am I standing by my virtues and fighting justly and fairly...or am I one of them...they refer to themselves as “traditionalists” but I think that is a crock of s**t. They are afraid of change... “this country is noble.” Ha! This is the most hated country in all the free world. I will give them one thing, they are surprisingly optimistic...but optimism can kill if you’re not careful

It begins(with a girl)...typical


“who do you think you are?
You got the attitude that is overbearing
where do we go from here?
I got scars in my nose from the perfume you are wearing
I got a case
im going mental
the thought of your face
is detrimental
to my health
are you still breathing
because if you are I hope your heaving
I need a drink
your voice is so bruised
you have got a grasp
but have I got you?
Oh you’re the queen of well intentions
when was last time you followed through
with anything

and oh, do want to go
back to your place
back to your bed
and oh I am feeling alone
so come bleed with me


and I play the music loud
in hopes to drown out the crowd
of chattering inside my left brain
killing off the songs im writing
I’ve got a trait
that’s handicapped me
you’re I n my brain
i’m rarely happy
go lose yourself
with Mr. Love song
I’m sure he’ll play
when your feeling down
your having s*x
to she sound of his recordings
but he’ll leave before tomorrow morning

and oh, don’t you wanna go back to your place
back to your bed
and oh your hips are moving slow
I’m bad having bad thoughts..im having bad thoughts..”


The tension eases a bit in my mind yet I still hold myself accountable for all of the mishaps that have happened in my life. I am the catalyst for hunger and misfortune. I feel like a time bomb ticking quietly waiting for some super charismatic sleuth to shut me off just before I detonate...but I know that is wishful thinking......



“hop inside darling
lets go for a ride
I’m a time bomb
the worst kind
rain or shine I
will be right on time
to explode on Que
and ruin your healthy shine...
Don’t you think it sad
I hope to god
you storm right out in front of me
I’m a bastard
but I still hope you leave
and I hope your done with me

the moon is daunting
let’s be in love
some time’s it haunting
being above
my set of two eyes
behind my skull
I’ve got a problem
you’re my problem
don’t you think I am f***ed
my mind changes every half minute
and my life gets harder every second you are in it

but you have such artful eyes
I can see right through your lies
please take me down from here tonight
I am ticking out of sight
oh just let me go

but you have such clammy hands
they sweat right through my pants
im sick and tired of this dance
oh just let me go
let me go, let me explode..”


The thought of my own intentions holds my back to this carpet. I remember how well you chose your vocabulary...then again you are nothing without a thesaurus.. You hate me, my parents don’t trust me. Who am I? What have I done with these eighteen years of life? Is it all a waste? I build up emotions and plans for the day that fall through as if they were constructed on paper foundation. I am all that I am, and all that I am is what they intended for me not to be. I could be sorry but I am not. I could have regrets, but I don’t....

“Flicker in
with your statements aloft
and hope that I
soak it up
there’s a rag stuck in the bottle
of gasoline that is my world I start the lows
hope I’m a sleep
by the break of the first ray
but what’s a dream
when I just fantasize all day
I am a hormone I am the first born
I am the one who set the low

can it try
to sell this to you
I am not what you think of me to be
I am the cry
of a pleated sentence
I am the youth buzzed out on nicotine
all of the books
that I have opened
they are half read and on the floor
the words are cliche
the titles dismay
they are better windows than doors
to knowledge I find
my peace of mind
knowing that no one really knows much at all

They say curiosity can kill
but so can methamphetamine
I don’t mean to put those two things together
but like a drug it flows through me...”

I am tired of drawing, I am tired of writing, I am tired of introversion. But I am also not willing to be subject to mind games and metaphors that loom out side my walls like statuesque generals waging wars of words, and McCarthyism. Why can’t people just be straight forward anymore. Hidden motives have ruined this society...

“I am tired of living
under your liberty bell
the canopy of half truths
and bullet shells
like I feel safe
with your CIA
call me to the draft
and I’ll go MIA
you liars!
You liars!
You f***ing lied to us!
We got pinned down
pinned down
now what do you have to say for yourselves
to the generals
the general consensus
we don’t want peace...we demand it!
And if you can’t provide it
the step the f**k down
and I’ll go find it!

I am tired of being
the hated tribe
because I don’t think like you
nor do I swallow your “truths”
some may take you down like a pills
but we are growing we are growing
the ipecac so you start throwing
up all the evidence that would make you guilty
and I wont shut up until you kill me
murderers!
Extortionists!
International hit men!
Times up times up!
Go back to your mansions!
To the generals
the general consensus
we don’t want peace...we demand it!

Now give it back!...”