Wits and Steel

Wits and Steel

(V1)
Mind sharp, big bastard sword gleaming
Coupled with my heart, that’s a deadly double teaming
Coming from the start is that robinson reeling
Minds aerial so high, cracked cerebral ceiling
Tingling sensation, im down that spine
Don’t ignore the chills, they’ll get worse with time
Then one day you’ll find
You was a deer stuck in your own blind
Couldn’t see ****, how you ever gone find
The truth that reveals when its right in the rhyme

(hook)
no brick to the face, or shot to the gut
Don’t need no metal I use my own nut
My arena is vexed and ready to thrill
My minds sharpened by wits and steel

(V2)
Chicken, n**** you were ripe for the picking
Ticking, time bomb, countdown, clicking
Photon trooper mind weapon stooper
Explosion in the sky heralds the erosion
Chosen, like I was Solo frozen
Taught myself in stasis, energy in spaces
Brought from the ages, lessons learned from the pages
Chrysalis became my starting inspiration,
Find this theory, my mind got elevation
Im timeless, like zion im flying its amazing,
Im poetically endorsed, my rhymes are never fading
Raising myself Infant, baby world that im cradling

(outro)
I don’t carry a gun, I don’t don’t need no devices,
Im potent and fresh, like dunes magical spices
Coming up, in a world that’s ill
All I have to cure, is my wits and steel

I feel like there are a LOT of different references. Don't take that the wrong way, the way you portray them are good, but I think it would be really wicked if you brought back and re-mentioned some of the original ideas from the first stanza.

Thanks for the feedback, ive reworked it a bit, do you think this is more appropriate.

Wits and Steel

(V1)
Mind sharp, big bastard sword gleaming
Coupled with my heart a deadly double teaming
Coming from the start is that robinson reeling
Cracked the worlds skylight my own cerebral ceiling
Quit playing, you aint on my level or floor
Aint no elevator to elevate ya much more
Tingling sensation, im down ya spine *****
Don’t ignore the chills or that encroaching itch
That’s how I strike, leaving you in a stooper
Use my minds side-arm like a photon trooper
To prove to ya,
Sharpest thorn in the bush
Keep my mind anchored with plenty of kush
Peaceful but dangerous like Shepard book
Teachers use words they don’t fling right hooks
Im here to guide you like lessons in books
From page to page my wisdom can be took
All you need to do
Is garner a look


(hook)
I don’t carry a gun, don’t need no devices
Potent and fresh as Dunes magical spices
My school is open and ready to thrill
My minds sharpened by wits and steel

(V2)
Your mind is dull whilst im sat here sheening
Shine east to west the rise of my meaning
Im a soldier for knowledge armed with many barrages
When ive spat a verse of truth, I replace the cartridge
With a day of my life, they all have lessons
Learnt to not attack unless I was threatened
But if I do
You better run back
My mind shoots faster than
Lightning on crack
Time to slow things down, let **** settle
Take in my lessons while I bung on the kettle
A cup of tea and joint for your troubles
Take a break
there’s always more time for struggles
For now know
im here to give tutelage,
The 2ndSun rise in a world so stupid.


(outro)
I don’t carry a gun, I don’t don’t need no devices,
Im potent and fresh, like dunes magical spices
Coming up, in a world that’s ill
All I have to cure, is my wits and steel

I think it's clever

I agree with Kerri, I do like it though. I also think the improvements you made are great. I would appreciate your feedback on some of my stuff. The majority of my works are in this section but I also have several sets of 16 and 32 bars in the Rap Lyrics Review Restricted area. I would appreciate your support as I am literally hated on there and I know that I'm better than they are giving me credit for.

Love the improvements! I think it ties it together a bit more.

The following are well-written lines: "Quit playing, you aint on my level or floor/Aint no elevator to elevate ya much more"; "I don’t carry a gun, don’t need no devices/Potent and fresh as Dunes magical spices/My school is open and ready to thrill/My minds sharpened by wits and steel"; "Im potent and fresh, like dunes magical spices/Coming up, in a world that’s ill/All I have to cure, is my wits and steel". The word flow is inventive and packs a "glasses on, nose always in book" type of punch.