A sister song

Thread: A sister song

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  1. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

    Default A sister song


    The age isn't far, though it's ancient as a star.
    Do you still know me and will you warm my heart,
    when I knock on your door in the lonely night?
    It's only right that you should wake
    and trouble yourself, for the sake
    of a sister that reaches now, through the break
    of time that has been tossed about,
    and all but lost, except within the namesake
    of the grandfathers that painted
    the canvas of the world
    for one little girl.

    Brother when i come don't turn me away.
    Know my voice and invite me to stay,
    though you won't know my face
    or I yours, yet eons can't erase
    the march of destiny that walks the sea
    that separates you from me.
    Open the door and let me see
    where I came from, and
    who I always wanted to be.

    Wars came and went, and blood was spent.
    Kings murdered queens and famine rent
    the age of our mother's identity.
    Your burning city was rebuilt under my feet,
    and here I sense the heartbeats of the dead....
    that which has led me to understand,
    that the womb of my birth is the land
    on which your children's feet now stand.

    My father came to get me there,
    and so repair the lost
    and make her found....

    But when I first looked through the glass
    of the not forgotten past,
    and whispered my name on a light summer wind
    that stirred the dusty remnants of where I've been....
    You heard me speak,
    you told me who I am and used to be.
    So now awaken, find your slippers on the floor,
    and in the midnight darkness open the door
    to the rebirth of my destiny.

    I read your letters and you know my words.
    There is no other time than now,
    my brother.

    Last edited by Teshka; 01-25-2015 at 06:48 AM. Reason: added some punctuation to make it a little easier to read
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  2. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

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    Tess, thank you for "A sister song." Stanzas 5 & 6 are my favorite, and they flow so well and beyond that they are so beautiful.

    Stanzas 1 - 4 . . . well, they are not your usual clear, impactful verses. May I assume that this poem is "real"? That is, symbolism put to a real event/real people in your life and past? If so, then I understand what (to me) appears to be "masking" in the first 4 verses. If so, then I can maybe read into your words for your meaning; if not, then I'm having difficulty "hearing" you in those verses.

    Take heart, dear. You know I am honest and always your fan.
     
  3. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    Frankie thank you so much for visiting and commenting and as always I appreciate your views and reactions. This is not easy to explain but i really want to try. I wrote it on sheer impulse, started and finished in about 20 minutes and that's one reason why I may not be able to interpret it completely, i was kind of in a zone that took me somewhere far away through both space and time. That's one of the keys, it's a journey on the slipstream of history and origin, returning to where i was born, inspired by a recent touch of a 'friend' that i don't actually know, yet i was feeling something like a deja vu that connected us as kindred in the ancient past. Some of the lines are metaphorical, or allegorical....but literal as well bcs the verse about kings and so on is a tightly encapsulated reference to European history and how all of those complexities so vastly defined the present for people such as you and I. Why are we here in this future world that disconnects us so much from where we came from......we have become so separated from those that still are surrounded by and immersed within the space of those beginnings.....the beginnings of us, of me, the physical location of where I and my 'brother' came from and where he now lives....and i was aching to return and be reunited with the source of my beginning, bcs my genetic memory (and even more than that) is calling me back there....to my home and my people. I was taken from there literally for the promise of a better future, but also allegorically by time and historical events that pushed the future (for some of us) thousands of miles away, across the vastness of seas and oceans. But all of that space and time can't separate us completely. My brother of my ancient bloodlines is still my brother now. There is also a reference to linguistics and alphabets, multiple languages in our present but they all have the same root, the same source, a single place and moment of birth.

    That reconstructs a lot of my thoughts amd influences behind writing this, and now i just hope that i didn't explain 'too much' and maybe took something away from the reading
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  4. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    and the 'last word' Frankie is that i'm just so experimental in regard to creative writing.....like the last thing that i wrote just a couple of days before this was a b****y rap lyric and that just came from being teased so much about some of the other things that i've written in the past few months. But that rap thing really wasn't 'me' and so maybe this was just an effort to get closer to my true self.....
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  5. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Teshka View Post
    Frankie thank you so much for visiting and commenting and as always I appreciate your views and reactions. This is not easy to explain but i really want to try. I wrote it on sheer impulse, started and finished in about 20 minutes and that's one reason why I may not be able to interpret it completely, i was kind of in a zone that took me somewhere far away through both space and time. That's one of the keys, it's a journey on the slipstream of history and origin, returning to where i was born, inspired by a recent touch of a 'friend' that i don't actually know, yet i was feeling something like a deja vu that connected us as kindred in the ancient past. Some of the lines are metaphorical, or allegorical....but literal as well bcs the verse about kings and so on is a tightly encapsulated reference to European history and how all of those complexities so vastly defined the present for people such as you and I. Why are we here in this future world that disconnects us so much from where we came from......we have become so separated from those that still are surrounded by and immersed within the space of those beginnings.....the beginnings of us, of me, the physical location of where I and my 'brother' came from and where he now lives....and i was aching to return and be reunited with the source of my beginning, bcs my genetic memory (and even more than that) is calling me back there....to my home and my people. I was taken from there literally for the promise of a better future, but also allegorically by time and historical events that pushed the future (for some of us) thousands of miles away, across the vastness of seas and oceans. But all of that space and time can't separate us completely. My brother of my ancient bloodlines is still my brother now. There is also a reference to linguistics and alphabets, multiple languages in our present but they all have the same root, the same source, a single place and moment of birth.
    Man. That "explanation" was almost as epic as your "sister song"


    Quote Originally Posted by Teshka View Post
    .....like the last thing that i wrote just a couple of days before this was a b****y rap lyric
    Yep, had to bounce over and check that out. So you finally did the rap! Now when are you gonna get a book published?
    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     
  6. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Teshka View Post

    Your burning city was rebuilt under my feet
    and here I sense the heartbeats of the dead....


    That is way cool. Seriously, it's almost like there's a whole 'nother ode in there waiting to be written.

    Suggestion: In the first verse of 12 lines, the last 9 are all one sentence. I don't mind that so much myself, but I do recommend a dollop of punctuation scattered here and there.

    There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
    :
    Rockers Unite! =>
    ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame
     
  7. Frankie Jasmine's Avatar

    Frankie Jasmine said:

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Teshka View Post
    I wrote it on sheer impulse, started and finished in about 20 minutes and that's one reason why I may not be able to interpret it completely, i was kind of in a zone that took me somewhere far away through both space and time. That's one of the keys, it's a journey on the slipstream of history and origin, returning to where i was born, inspired by a recent touch of a 'friend' that i don't actually know, yet i was feeling something like a deja vu that connected us as kindred in the ancient past. Some of the lines are metaphorical, or allegorical....but literal as well bcs the verse about kings and so on is a tightly encapsulated reference to European history and how all of those complexities so vastly defined the present for people such as you and I. Why are we here in this future world that disconnects us so much from where we came from......we have become so separated from those that still are surrounded by and immersed within the space of those beginnings.....the beginnings of us, of me, the physical location of where I and my 'brother' came from and where he now lives....and i was aching to return and be reunited with the source of my beginning, bcs my genetic memory (and even more than that) is calling me back there....to my home and my people. I was taken from there literally for the promise of a better future, but also allegorically by time and historical events that pushed the future (for some of us) thousands of miles away, across the vastness of seas and oceans. But all of that space and time can't separate us completely. My brother of my ancient bloodlines is still my brother now. There is also a reference to linguistics and alphabets, multiple languages in our present but they all have the same root, the same source, a single place and moment of birth.

    That reconstructs a lot of my thoughts amd influences behind writing this, and now i just hope that i didn't explain 'too much' and maybe took something away from the reading
    Tess, thank you so much. Your opening explanation satisfied me well! The poem flowed from inspired inner and other sources. (I'm accustomed to fully following your poems, though!) Please continue to be open to any inspiration you have!

    As for me, I enjoyed your whole explanation, mainly because it tells me more about you AND confirms some inklings I had about the source or meaning. However, don't feel you must go in depth (in my behalf) unless you desire to do so.

    Still yet, thanks . . . and I look forward to whatever comes to you next! It's a pleasure, always.
     
  8. Eccer's Avatar

    Eccer said:

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    Good Teshka! This was an enjoyable read and it seems you took my advice but still kept a part of yourself and let the imagery flow. And your explanation is wonderful because, you're thinking like a poet now (not that you always have). Some wonderful esoteric lines you got here too. Keep writing!
    Last edited by Eccer; 08-29-2014 at 03:13 AM.
     
  9. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MoonRide*r* View Post
    Suggestion: In the first verse of 12 lines, the last 9 are all one sentence. I don't mind that so much myself, but I do recommend a dollop of punctuation scattered here and there.

    done

    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~
     
  10. amaryn's Avatar

    amaryn said:

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    Wow, Tess! I have to say: without you explaining a little further to Frankie, why and how this poem came about, the way it should be understood and the immense content pressed together in most beautiful words ,I would certainly have been in trouble.
    Although I was aware of the line of thought it would have meant many readings. You saved me from doing so, not always a good thing to do: explaining too much can destroy, but not in this case. Accepted therefore and a very big thank you for another jewel!
     
  11. Teshka's Avatar

    Teshka said:

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    thank you amaryn! the complexity of some lines and phrases was also why i agreed with Moon that I needed to go back and add a lot of punctuation. i hope that helps as well.
    Music is what feelings sound like
    Listen to the Love
    ~♥♥~