Another, sad love song. (newbie)

I'm new to song writing, I've written a pre-chorus and I'm wonder what you guys think of it, or if I should change anything?

Pre - Chorus

And I, hope
That you will listen
Take it from a man
who's heart is missing

And I, wish
that you won't feel like me
because now every second
isn't what it used to be

Any advice would be appreciated, I don't know what I'm doing, thanks.

Carry on and work on it, u cod b a mini elton john

Wow...you're pretty good. Just from the pre-chorus, I can see a lot of possible lyrical approaches for the song. Don't give up. If you're new to songwriting and this pre-chorus impresses me, you've got a lot of potential. The best advice I can give you is to just write what you feel. Take in your surroundings and don't be afraid to say what you think. Some of the best lyricists are daring enough to be honest in what they write. Keep it up. I'd like to see what else you can do.

be alone somewhere, a place that u know you can think of more good things and try to talk in to your heart maybe it knows whats the missing lyrics from your song...

keep up the good works...more power to you.

Originally Posted by HighSchoolGuy

I'm new to song writing, I've written a pre-chorus and I'm wonder what you guys think of it, or if I should change anything?

Pre - Chorus

And I, hope
That you will listen
Take it from a man
who's heart is missing

And I, wish
that you won't feel like me
because now every second
isn't what it used to be

Any advice would be appreciated, I don't know what I'm doing, thanks.

No song writer probably feels they know just what they're doing. Probably because they are inspired by some unknown force or inner emotion, or spiritually. But I think your song has very much potential. It's already got a good foundation of the catchy chorus verse. So don't doubt yourself. You have that creativity, and a good beginning of a good song. Keep working on it, and before long it'll be on the radio for the whole world. Good luck.

Hey high school guy. If you need some inspiration for your writing have a listen to Jimmy Webb and Richard Harris in the The Webb Sessions 1968 -69. Some dumb non worldly critics say it is schmaltzy, make your own decision. I'm 60 years of age and experienced plenty, and write comedy for television and do my own radio skits, written and spoken, which I couldn't have achieved without a "bit" of life. As well I contrast this with sadness etc.
Trust this helps