You share my blood, and my mother,
I call you brother
But I never thought I would call you a monster.
Like the shadows that creep on my walls at night,
Waiting for the right time snatch me from beneath my blankets
And take the breath out of me, lifeless…

Disappointment.
That is what runs through my veins when I hear your name
Because deep down I know that you have so much potential.

I remember the first time I saw you snort a line in front of your one year old son
And my heart broke not only for you, but for your hopes and your dreams
And your family,
How can you be so blind?
He is just a baby.
A baby who needs a father that is responsible and will not let him down like my father did me.

Wake up! Don’t you see that your actions are so much greater than you?
Selfish! You never realize the consequences of your actions until after the worst has come and gone.
I was 14 the first time I thought you were dead
Lying on the floor in a pool of your own vomit.
I will never forget beating down your door as 911 was on my speed dial and yelling
“Mom! Why won’t he wake up?!”
And tears ran down my face like a tropical storm
Ripping apart the heart of a home
That once used to hold a family.
Family.
That’s a word that we’ve never really grasped the concept of.
“Family does not turn their back on you.” “Blood is thicker than water.”
All the clichés could not stop us from the inevitable destruction
Boiling beneath the blood of this bond we call siblings.

As I try to explain to you how much I hurt for you,
That every time you take another shot, my heart physically burns,
You nod your head but my words go right through one ear and out the other.

Brother.
I love you.
Brother.
Please do not make this difficult life harder than it has to be.
Brother.
Your son loves you. I love you.
Brother.