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Thread: Forest In Fall

  1. #1
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    Default Forest In Fall


    The Forest in Fall

    In the forest
    the leaves whisper among themselves
    with hoarse voices in the wind

    The bunnies and squirrels
    have a battalion
    for the last bits of food

    The bears get their beds set up
    for the crisp cold
    of winter

    The birds start to feel
    the lungs of winter rise
    and they fly South
    just before it lets go

    In the forest
    the leaves whisper among themselves
    with hoarse voices in the wind.

    -Spacecats

  2. #2
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Good poem, spacecats. Opening & ending stanzas are great (leaves ... with hoarse voices) with good imagery. The "bunnies" didn't sound right to me, but neither does "rabbits". ...May I make a suggestion that for me resolves the problem? Instead of:

    The bunnies and squirrels
    Have a battalion...

    Try:

    The bunnies and squirrels
    Form a battalion...

    The juxtaposition of the soft-sounding "bunnies" along with the regimen of "form a battalion" is much stronger; then, the last line indicates the struggle.

    Well done! And welcome to poetry...

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