I'm no Genius
Average on a good day
On a bad day, well
We won't talk about it
Everything I know
Comes from reading books
The thoughts of others
I don't doubt it
I'm no Genius
I'll leave that to Lennon
John Lennon and Ray Charles
Groucho Marx and Lenin
I'm no Genius
Some call me a hack
I just like women
Especially if they're stacked
Speaking of women
They're my Achilles heel
They're my only weakness
Just to cop a feel
Just to be kissed
Just to get laid
Just to be noticed
In my old age
I'm no Genius
I'll leave that to Lennon
John Lennon and Ray Charles
Groucho Marx and Lenin
I'm no Genius
Some call me a hack
I just like women
Especially if they're stacked
He told me of
An empty tomb
And how Jesus
Rose from the dead
He doesn't know
That empty tomb
Is just on paper
And in his head
Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse
When he was done
He passed the plate
He needed money
To perpetuate
The Lord's work
And to buy a coat
To buy a car
And pay the house note
Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse
I can't love Jesus
I'm not gay
I love KymBo
Cos she's a babe
Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse
She Used To Be Beautiful
But now she's ugly
She was so sexy
When she loved me
She used to be a ten
Now she looks like crap
She hasn't aged well
In the middle-age trap
She Used To Be Beautiful
How her hair shone
Her blue eyes sparkled
When she was young
But she went downhill
Got that sagging skin
Thirty pounds overweight
Got that double chin
Funny how women fade
Just like wilted flowers
Completely fall apart
Once they hit forty
She Used To Be Beautiful
But now she's ugly
She was so sexy
When she loved me
She used to be a stunner
When our love was new
Now she looks like Hillary
Looks like Rosie too
I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there
I fought the British
In the Revolution
I fought them again
In 1812
I fought the *******s
In the Mexican War
Me and James Polk
War is hell
The Civil War confused
It made no sense
Lincoln should've stopped it
Our worst president
Then came Spain
Teddy Roosevelt
I was a Rough Rider
In this event
I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there
The Indians were savage
They liked taking scalps
I was in the cavalry
I was there to help
I won the west
Built the railroads
I fought Sitting Bull
Spanked Geronimo
World War I
Though called the Great War
Was but a foreshadow
Of what was to come
World War II
Changed everything
I went nuclear
When it was done
I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there
Off to Korea
And the War of politics
Truman said we had
To contain the Communist
Vietnam was crazy
Sixty thousand died
Jane and I stopped it
LBJ lied
The wars of the Bushes
Took me to the desert
Iraq and Afghanistan
Nothing but messes
I lost the War on Terror
Muslims in the White House
Trump will save our country
Throw Obama out
I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there
Seems like 1996
Was 6 minutes ago
But it's 2016
On Music Row
Seems like Shania
Should be having hits
Any Man Of Mine
High on the charts
Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go
Bill was having a picnic
Brought his women along
Monica in the White House
Soon as Hillary was gone
Paul O'Neill playing right
Derek Jeter at short
Joe Torre managed
Up in New York
Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go
I miss my parents
They were alive then
Our family was together
Like it had always been
Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go
I Saw Jesus Last Night
He stepped out of King of Kings
That movie from 1961
He wasn't missing a thing
He had the shoulder length hair
And the flowing white robe
He was obviously Anglo-Saxon
And his halo shone like gold
I Saw Jesus Last Night
He sat there on my bed
Laid on his hands, spoke in tongues
We prayed together, then he said
Let's ride in my flying saucer
See places you've never seen
Jupiter, Saturn, Mars and Venus
The Virgo cluster of galaxies
There were hundreds of UFO reports
As I caught a glimpse of heaven
I thought I was on LSD
Such a good time we were having
I Saw Jesus Last Night
He stepped out of King of Kings
That movie from 1961
He wasn't missing a thing
He had those spaced-out eyes
Had the nail marks in his hands
I knew he was the Son of God
I knew he was the Son of Man
When our trip was over
Jesus tucked me in bed
Visions of sugar plums
Danced in my head
I meet new guys
We get along fine
But I think about you
Half of the time
I think about how
You and I used to be
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me
I know life goes on
And we can't look back
Seems we ran our course
We lost our knack
Still I watch the door
Hoping you want me
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me
We had our year
I should be grateful
Year and a half
I should be thankful
You've got a new love
You left me behind
But I think about you
Half of the time
I think about how
You and I used to be
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me
70s Girls were something to see
We saw them there on our TVs
Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke
Loved to watch her sexy strut
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman
Gave wet dreams to every man
Lynda's cleavage drove me wild
She kicked *** in 70s style
I can't forget Susan Anton
A five-foot-eleven Amazon
She had blonde hair, big blue eyes
That Golden Girl blew my mind
Charlie's Angels on the tube
Jacklyn Smith sure was cute
Farrah Fawcett had that hair
She was our 70s poster girl
Show stoppers
Jaw droppers
Show stoppers
Eye poppers
70S Girls were something to see
We saw them there on our TVs
You may recall Valerie Perrine
Man, those legs were so divine
Teri Garr and the ABBA girls
Agnetha and Frida rocked my world
So did Olivia Newton-John
Jenny Agutter in Logan's Run
I hate those airports
Those security lines
They single me out
Every damn time
But I'll go anyway
Up Victoria Peak
To old Hong Kong
They can't stop me
Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust
Victoria Harbor
As seen from the Peak
My friend, Big Buddha
He's such a geek
Eat lots of noodles
Ride the Star Ferry
Find a young girl
Maybe get married
Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust
Gotta be careful
with the TSA
Them jerks might try
To ruin my day
Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust
She gets him down on the floor
In her Wonder Woman outfit
She spanks him with her Fli-Back
Cos she knows he loves it
She spanks him til he laughs
She spanks him til he screams
She spanks him til he cries
She spanks him til he creams
This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture
He calls her Mrs. Peel
Cos she knows how to avenge
She's a true dominatrix
Cos she gets her way with men
He's just a little boy
Laying across her lap
She takes off her belt
Uses it as a strap
This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture
I was just a novice
When she took hold of me
Got my initiation
In the ways of B&D
This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture
This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture