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Thread: song i wrote...tell me wut u think

  1. #1
    Member elisabethrox312's Avatar
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    Default song i wrote...tell me wut u think

    Sometimes I feel alone
    Sometimes I just don’t feel
    Every other time
    I just think about what really happened
    I can't believe the way he made me cry

    He broke my heart
    Stole my pride
    Left me in a ditch just trying to survive
    Who ever knew that 2 words
    Could hurt so much?

    When he looks at me
    Would he ever see how much he had hurt me?
    The breakup was bad,
    The relationship was worse
    I think about it whenever I see happy couples
    How we argued whenever we talked
    He ended it on our very last walk
    We were working it out
    He gave up
    He wanted out

    Just broke my heart
    Stole my pride
    Left me in a ditch
    Just trying to survive
    Who ever knew that 3 more words
    Led a broken heart to freedom

    When my new man looks at me
    I see the love in his heart
    And my reflection dancin in his eyes
    He leans in
    Giving me the vibe
    There was a kiss
    How long did it last
    Before we broke apart?
    3 years later…
    We're still together
    Happier then ever
    We're 25 now
    Yeah yeah, he…
    Fixed my heart
    Gave me pride
    We're 25 just trying to survive
    Who knew that his 4 next words could change our lives
    He only wanted one word in reply

    It's 3 am
    And we're so happy
    We can't wait
    Until the first of May
    For that’s our wedding day
    We're alive
    We can't wait
    To die together
    Because all we want is to be together forever
    We're in a crash
    Coming back from the honeymoon
    The drunk driver was
    My ex-boyfriend

    Once again
    He broke our hearts
    Stole our pride
    We're giving up
    Just can't survive
    I saw my life run past my eyes
    Realized that my husband had died
    I'm dying fast
    I see him telling me that he loved me
    After that all pain was gone
    My life was over

    With a broken heart
    Stolen pride
    In a ditch
    Couldn't survive
    We're just 25
    We don't deserve the fate we got


    tell me wut u think...and b honest
    Last edited by elisabethrox312; 01-24-2007 at 08:16 PM.
    ~Lissa~

  2. #2
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    I think it's really good. Theres a particular part I like, I'll quote it.

    "Just broke my heart
    Stole my pride
    Left me in a ditch
    Just trying to survive
    Who ever knew that 3 more words
    Led a broken heart to freedom
    "
    I like how line 2 and 3 rhyme, but the ending is suddenly blunt, it just sends the message. The song is beautiful, it's very clear with the story it's telling. there's some good imagery. But I would suggest organizing it a bit into chorus, verse, bridge and what not, and at some parts the rhyme patterns are completely random, but it might sound right with music added anyways. But yeah, I thought it was great.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Jesses gurl's Avatar
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    its good.

  4. #4
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    ... ...


    "elisabethrox312" ... !!! ... Hi ... !!! ... *u*


    I do not "know" how you "do" it ... however, it "feels" like SUCH an ... "up-beat" ... verse ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ... when it is "really" a quite "heart-breaking" ... "story of love" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ... *u* ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


    I guess, what I am "left with", by your "verse" is ... "Love, with Pride" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


    ... and, THAT (and FOR "that") ... I "feel" the ATMOST "admiration" and "appreciation" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


    Thank you for "sharing", with the rest of us ... ... ... !!! ... ... ...


    Azim


    ... ...


    .
    To be is to do - Plato
    To do is to be - Socrates
    Do be do be do - Frank Sinatra

  5. #5
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    Well its nice...so its gonna be what an unplugged song or a classic rock kinda song or what...

  6. #6
    Junior Member lindsayalbert's Avatar
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    Thumbs up hey

    omg i love it!! your soo good at song written! i wish i could do that..
    [[ ++ Lindsay ++ ]]

  7. #7
    Member elisabethrox312's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chmybrain View Post
    Well its nice...so its gonna be what an unplugged song or a classic rock kinda song or what...
    idk, probably like...rock, or emo...i havent really thought about it...maybe even country
    ~Lissa~

  8. #8
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    Kinda fun, with the 2, 3, 4 "words"... But then I couldn't take the sad ending.

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