Although none of you knows me, this is the story of how we met. Our story starts in the not-too-distant past. When my work was done on that day, it was time to go home. As I turned the key in the ignition, the car’s engine started contemporaneously with the voice of Yorgos Dalaras in the CD player
Ο ουρανός φεύγει βαρύς πάνω από τη ζωή μου.
The sky departs heavily above my life.
At work that night, I had come into contact with so many people for whom the sky had departed heavily. I closed my eyes for a moment while the engine heated up, and in the darkness, I saw helicopter blades cutting a circle in the air. The door of the copter opened as we rushed with our gurney to retrieve a 17 year-old boy who had been driving without a seat belt.
I listened to the transport nurse’s report as we wheeled our patient from the helipad to the emergency department. He was lifeless, and nothing we did could change that. I’ll never forget the look on his mother’s face when I told her that she no longer had a son. She fell to the floor and grabbed my legs, screaming and sobbing. I knelt down and held her. We both cried.
There had also been the 25 year old girl who weighed 875 pounds (397 kg). She had come to see us because she was having trouble breathing. The sheer weight of her chest made it impossible for her to ventilate her lungs effectively. When she turned onto her side, the fat around her neck compressed her trachea. We struggled to save her, but her anatomy was so distorted that nothing could be done. Her family held her hand as she took her last breath. For all of them, the sky had departed heavily.
I became aware of my own heartbeat as my car pulled into the driveway at home.
Ο ουρανός φεύγει βαρύς, τα όνειρά μου παίρνει
και μες στην τόση μου φωτιά, άλλη φωτιά μου φέρνει
The sky departs heavily; it takes my dreams.
In the midst of my many fires, it brings me yet more fire.
Dalaras’ words touched me because I knew I would be walking into an empty house. My wife left two years ago. I still haven’t recovered emotionally. I don’t blame her. Her excuse was that I might contract some disease at work and bring it home. At least that was what she said. Perhaps it ιs better that I never knew her real reason.
As the key turned in the lock on the front door, there was a silence so overwhelming that I could hear every tumbler fall into place. The door opened, and I was alone with only the memories of the day as company.
I sipped some ouzo as those memories flickered in my mind like disconnected scenes in a film.
I laughed as I recalled the patient who came in because he thought that he had contracted hoof and mouth disease from riding a mule. I wanted to tell him, “In order to get hoof and mouth disease, you have to have hooves,” but instead, I validated him by saying, “You mean you didn’t get your shots?”
I felt compassion as I recalled the medical student who wanted to tell me about “the chest pain in room 4.” I corrected him by saying, “There is no chest pain in room 4. There is a man in room 4 with chest pain. Never depersonalize your work or your patients.”
I felt comfort as I recalled the 22 year old gang member who had been stabbed in the chest with an ice pick. A chest x-ray showed that the area around his heart was “wide.” He was bleeding into the “skin” that covers his heart, which is called the pericardium.
As he was being transfused with blood, I picked up a scalpel and sliced his chest from his left nipple to his side. I broke up the chest wall muscle with my hand and slipped in two pieces of metal called a rib spreader. When I turned a crank, the two pieces of metal moved away from each other, pushing the gang member’s ribs apart. When I could see his pericardium, I reached in with the scalpel and cut it to release the pressure from the blood that was leaking out of his heart.
With suction in hand, I searched desperately to find the hole that had been created by the ice pick. It was hidden by his lung. A nurse held the lung aside while I took a small piece of gauze and sewed it over the hole. Heart tissue is very delicate, and sewing it is like trying to sew a wet paper bag. Slowly, carefully, and surely, the piece of gauze went into place. The hole was patched, but the gang member’s heart had stopped beating.
I shot in some adrenalin and began squeezing the heart rhythmically. I squeezed once, twice, three times – as in my mind, I said, “God, I have done everything I can. The rest is up to you. Γενηθητω το θελημα σου, Thy will be done.”
When I rested my hand, there was a small suggestion of spontaneous movement. Then there was one heartbeat, another, and finally there was a normal rhythm. This young man would live.
My thoughts of the day came full circle when I recalled listening to the Dalaras song on the way home. As my mind silently sang the words, one phrase bothered me.
Η ________ σου έμεινε να δένει την ψυχή μου
Was Dalaras saying θύμησή or θελησις?
I decided to try and find the answer on line. I googled Greek lyrics, and suddenly, to my complete amazement and surprise, there you all were.
There is no way I can even begin to describe the sheer joy I felt at finding you. Here was a group of people that loved Greek music as much as I did, and they were sharing that love with each other.
Until 5:00 am, I read the various links on the website. I laughed out loud at the word “Greeklish,” which I had never heard before. I was entertained by the “rule of nines,” as in “cloud nine” or “dressed to the nines.” I was educated in Greek grammar. I marveled at the efforts that many of you have put into learning my Greek language.
And I smiled as I read about “cut your veins” songs, with your references to Greeks and suffering. Please know that it is not suffering we love; it is feeling! Being able to feel passionately -- both deep sadness, great joy, and everything in between -- reminds us that we are alive.
In my own experience, the many Greek songs I listened to after my wife left were my saviors. They taught me that I didn’t have to feel alone, that others have felt as I felt then. They gave me the strength to see beyond my own grief.
I signed off at 5:00 am and drove into the city of San Francisco, about 40 minutes away from my home. I parked in the Presidio and walked onto the Golden Gate Bridge to watch the sunrise.
During the first moments of dawn, all I could think about was how privileged I felt at the experience of having “met” you all on the website. If, as the ancient Greeks said, music is Ιερα Οδο, the Sacred Way, the road that connects all mankind, then all of us are connected by the music that we love. A connection to one’s fellow man is the greatest gift one can ever know, and I felt as if that gift had just been handed to me without restriction.
As the sun rose in the sky, nothing else mattered except that one, brief, shining moment in time. My heart was able to transcend its pain. My soul found wings and soared high above the ramparts of the bridge. It was as if an angel had looked upon me and smiled. I no longer felt wounded; I felt blessed.