Please give your opinions (1st post)

Thread: Please give your opinions (1st post)

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  1. n00b_lyricist said:

    Default Please give your opinions (1st post)

    This is my first time posting lyrics on a forum and none of them are 100% so let me hear anything criticism, compliments, etc. Your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks. By the way, There are 2 different songs posted in this topic.

    SONG #1
    The page numbers are slightly sporadic,
    But that's just how things seem to go
    Sitting on the sand, The sky is my window
    Darkness falls, but lights abound
    Courtesy of the stars,
    make the heaven's crown

    I want to meet it's ruler
    The starter of it all
    I wondered who it was
    Was it anyone at all?

    View the writing from the other side
    Backwards and slightly blurred
    Clarity breeds progress
    Randomness reigns clear
    What a ****ing mess
    I'm left with here

    But that's just life,
    Catch it before it goes
    Who started this path...
    {NEEDS FINISHED}

    SONG #2 (How Do You Rate?)
    Did you pay the fee
    To get into the play?
    You're the star of the show
    Stand and clap if you may

    Watching every move
    Analyze your last decision
    No one is a harsher critic
    Than the source of your ambition

    Now you're older
    Slightly more wrinkled
    Not the main attraction
    Still get a good review?

    Be content, you did your job
    Never turned your back on your god
    Three children and a loving wife
    How do you rate your life?

    Watching every move
    Analyze your last decision
    No one is a harsher critic
    Than the source of your ambition

    How do your rate
    How do your rate
    How do your rate...Your life?
  2. n00b_lyricist said:

    Default

    bump. Come on guys I could really use some feedback. Thanks.