Advice Please=]

So this is pretty much my first song, its a whole song not just a lyric. Its alright I guess, review,advice welcome please.

I’ve been on these sites for hours now
Just trying to find the words
To write down how I feel about you inside
But every poem just makes this worse
The fact I could never be with you
The fact that you’re forbidden to me
You’re like the apples that Adam and Eve could never touch
But just wanted to so much
That’s the way I feel about you
But know that I should stop
But something about your eyes just makes me think I should not

Chorus
Why do you stare at me like you need me
Your breath was that close to my face
The warmness of it all
I just wanted to embrace
But that could never be I must rid these thoughts now
It’ll be hard to forget you
But I’ll try not to make a sound

And the pitch of your breathing when you’re close to me
Is enough to make my heart ache
Maybe its cause we’ll never be
We always want what we cant have
And maybe that’s what makes you so sweet
That’s what keeps me coming back
Because you’re like the apple I will never have

chorus

I thought that this would get it all out
That you’d finally be out of my system
With this silly little song
I thought that when I would sing
You would sing along
But nothing is what it seems
And nothing turns out like they do in movie scenes
No true love is very real
Someday people we have to face reality and deal
Call me cynical, call me a liar
But you know I am right deep down in your broken hearts burning fire

Never give in, give in to love
Just give up, give up on love
(not sure too sure if I should have this last bit in it)

you should add one last line to that chorus... like "the forbidden fruit" ( a bit cliche but it needs a little more explanation of the apple thing)
otherwise its great. full of confusion and longing.
its good.

PLEASE RATE MINE?