Imperfect (please give opinions :) )

Hey this is my first time so i don't really know how this works.. anyways im just gonna paste my lyrics here please don't be too harsh

Won't be sleeping tonight
its not that i refuse
its just that i cant
cause ive got nothing to lose
and im drowning in my pillow
and my eyes as red as blood
and i just cant help stop crying
as i am beat up by my love

your pictures rush in
pictures of you screaming
wish i could escape the world
where it hurts when you're dreaming
and i wish i had control
of what lies ahead
and i'd surely be gone
long before we met

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

i feel like exploding
from all this confusion
so tired of your sweet kisses
that turn out as illusions
i feel my heart slipping away
from everything else
for torn are my dreams
of those hollow church bells

I dont want to ruin this moment
of perfect domininon
ive lost all of my sense
and my intuition
i've forgot how to feel
just to block all the pain
i just want you to be happy
as you bring me down again

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

Oh all i ever wanted was to make you smile
Oh all i ever wanted was to make you happy
Oh all i ever wanted was some peace of mind
Oh all i ever wanted was you to love me
Oh but i didnt get that did I
Oh or do just have a funny way of showing it
Oh cause no matter what i do you're never satisfied
Oh im just sorry im so imperfect

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

Comments suggestions or opinions are highly appreciated hahahaha

The lyrics are beautiful and very touching. Musically most of it flows well, and I put most of it into a song just reading it. Very good near the end. This is all very excellent writing. Good use of repetition, but what have helped it some is some assonance. I really liked the image of the hollow wedding bells.

Wow O.O this is the first time ive written something for this site i honestly didn't expect to get an opinion as good as that thanks!

Dannybwa (I'm pronouncing your name how it's correctly pronounced , sorry), these are decent lyrics... I can't comment on it musically as there is no music to accompany it.

Where'd Dannybwa come from? XD how'd you say that thats the correct way to pronounce it? :O sorry it got me curious ) ahm thanks how do i put music? :O

More reactions please

Hi, just read through the lyrics and found them to be very touching. I wish I were a lyricist myself but unfortunately I can never put to paper how I feel in the form of a song. Wish I could hear the song in it's entirety to fully appreciate it. In short I like it, and if you have more where that came form then please point me in the direction, I will gladly review it. Keep up the good work.

thanks i dont write songs that often though, i just write songs when i feel strongly about something

Wow. Great lyrics. I can already imagine them in a song. What kind of music would you put with it? Metal? Rock? Something soft?

You wouldn't use metal... No way would you

Yeah i don't really think metal would fit it best. I'm not really sure on this but I'm thinking along the lines of Dashboard Confessional kind of feel then at the last chorus no instruments while the singer sings softly. I'm not really sure and I'd be more than happy if someone would suggest what music to put in And Luke you still haven't explained to me why I'm "Dannybwa" hahaha

I believe I did explain: That's how it's correctly pronounced.

MOI is French for 'Me', it's spelt MOI and pronounced MWA

BOI is a "kewl" way of spelling boy and it's properly pronounced BWA.



This is not a personal attack, it's a personal opinion:
I'm not a huge fan of "trendy" spellings or Avril Lavigne's "I'm punk just cos I've got a spiky belt" mentality.

Ohhhhhhhh I get it now XD you didn't introduce the French thing so i was totally clueless ) thanks for explaining haha Sorry i just thought that the word "Dannyboy" just LOOKED dull and "Dannyboi" looks cute XD in no way do i want to be some punk *** cool feeling rocker wannabe. Hahaha

Hey no problem and thankyou for not being one of those mindless sheep drones who always assumes I'm posh or up my own a**e just because I don't like txt speak.

Haahahahaha! XD no prob man.

In my opinion you have too many lyrics. You should try telling a story with as few words as possible. Try putting it through a sort of funnel and cut out some of the stuff you dont need. Although im not really sure what style your music is, i can tell you that the verses and bridge are too long. just opinion though.

Some songs need to be longer, machine head / rush / iron maiden they wrote great songs way over the 10 minute mark

so what do you think about my song drummer for vertiis?

oh yah i really like iron maiden haha :P