war

A verse i wrote but couldnt come up with a hook or second verse


You want to go to war better be sure that your ready
Cause ready or not here i am choppin you lames like confetti
Machete sittin chillin in my hand blood begins leakin from within
Pourin the ink upon the paper i savor the moment
Cause i know for an instance everythings real
Aint gotta deal with none of you lames
They say that im sick in the brain probally why im so ill with the game
Focus all out of control somebody tell me what it is I see
Dummies think im ignorant like i cannot see the people pullin strings
But i cannot ignore the fact so i pull a couple ropes of my own
Have the puppet slap em back without my actions ever being known
I just sit back and laugh who's the ventriliquist now
Said i was ill with the game you need to emmulate my style

Originally Posted by evereade

A verse i wrote but couldnt come up with a hook or second verse


You want to go to war better be sure that your ready
Cause ready or not here i am choppin you lames like confetti
Machete sittin chillin in my hand blood begins leakin from within
Pourin the ink upon the paper i savor the moment
Cause i know for an instance everythings real
Aint gotta deal with none of you lames
They say that im sick in the brain probally why im so ill with the game
Focus all out of control somebody tell me what it is I see
Dummies think im ignorant like i cannot see the people pullin strings
But i cannot ignore the fact so i pull a couple ropes of my own
Have the puppet slap em back without my actions ever being known
I just sit back and laugh who's the ventriliquist now
Said i was ill with the game you need to emmulate my style

I like the image your "verse" portrays...just that it sounds kind of "Gheto" and (in my opinion) I think that songs about war shouldn't have a "Gheto" tone in them.

Thanks i really appreciate your thoughts. I dont know if i made it clear that i am talking about a mental war but that is what i was reffering to. I wrote this right after i found out that everyone around me was not what they were pretending to be and they sent someone who was supposed to be my friend to get some information out of me and i used their puppet against them.

Originally Posted by evereade

Thanks i really appreciate your thoughts. I dont know if i made it clear that i am talking about a mental war but that is what i was reffering to. I wrote this right after i found out that everyone around me was not what they were pretending to be and they sent someone who was supposed to be my friend to get some information out of me and i used their puppet against them.

Oh! I'm sorry, I thought it's about a real war...it's kinda confusing though...If you want it to be a song, you should keep the words short and simple. I think you should start it out by explaining what happened, for example:

I believed what you told me
I believed that you were a friend
But you weren't being completely truthful
Your actions proved that you're a foe
So don't pretend anymore
You've brought yourself to a dead end

If you want to go to war, you better be ready
Cause in fights I'm both furious and steady
They say im sick in the brain, that's why ill win the game.....etc

If you like it pms me and I'll be more than happy to help.

Good Luck!