song i wrote today called through

Don't bother to call me cuz my phone will be off
and that would be a waste of your time
and you don't have alot
because you were dating two girls at once
Don't bother to apoligize
cuz nothing that you could say
could repair the damage thats already done
cuz im done

(chorus)
You put me through everything
now theres nothing else for you to do cuz im through
i hope your new girl did everthing that i always did and
never asks a question about any of it
cuz when you cheat you suffer the consequences
and this is one of them

You say youve changed
i guess that new hair do has done alot for you
man youve got a whole new attitude
Dont say that i am being the bad guy here
cuz if thats the case than you nust be the devil
cuz you are

(chorus)

(bridge)
After all you've done to me'
i've gotta confess
im still in love with you
its getting hard to go on without you
but ill manage
because i done with you
yeah done with you
you

im done with you
________________________
tell me what you think of it. I am only thirteen and have been writing since i was 10. This is about my 40th song.

I think its got a really good meaning to it but the words don't mesh very well. If you explore a dictionary or just some words in your head that mean the same thing, I think it could be an amazing song! You're brilliant for being only 13, Keep writing, please. I want to hear more of this

Your version was good but it started to sound like you were just ripping into someone and a song shouldn't be like that unless it's in a grindcore or thrash style...

Alanis Morisette covered that angle ages ago anyway... Try this:


Don't bother to call me ‘cause my phone will be off
and that would be a waste of your time

You were dating two girls at once - Don't apologize
’Cause nothing that you could say could repair the damage thats already done
cuz im done

(chorus)
You put me through everything
now there’s nothing else for you to do (‘cause I’m through) Backing vocals
I hope your new girl did everything that I always did - never questions any of it
’cause cheaters suffer consequences
and this is one of them

You say you’ve changed - That new hair do has done a lot
You’ve got a whole new attitude…
Don’t say that i am being the bad guy here
’cause if that’s the case than you must be the Devil

(chorus)

(bridge)
After all you've done to me'
I've got to confess
I’m still in love with you
and its getting hard to go on without you - but I’ll manage
because I’m done with you - yeah done with you

…I’m done with you

thanks for all the feed back. i am surprise that a song i worte in ten minute could do this much

'Paranoid' by Black Sabbath was also written in ten minutes and that's one of the world's most famous songs.

I like the message it communicates,too! Love is a mess in generally ,so it;s good

yeah i know. I hate it when people tell me i dont know what i am talking about since i am so young. But i have really went through this before. ANd i just dealt with it a different way than everyone does. I worte a song!

I'm sorry, is that supposed to be music?!

I understand that you're only 13, but one would think that you'd have a slightly better vocabulary and/or ability to rhyme words or have them conform to some sort of rhythm.

Really, that was absolutely terrible. Three years of writing... I shudder to think of the other 39 songs...

Also, you're thirteen. Any 'relationship' you had was nothing. Meaningless. Even through high school, there's no attachment emotionally and at your age the kids are too awkward to touch and/or speak to each other.

The sad thing is, I tried to write a song like this once, but my mom got scared and said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle to Bel-Air!" So I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'FRESH' and there were dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, so I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house around seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

Originally Posted by Clockwork

I'm sorry, is that supposed to be music?!

I understand that you're only 13, but one would think that you'd have a slightly better vocabulary and/or ability to rhyme words or have them conform to some sort of rhythm.

Really, that was absolutely terrible. Three years of writing... I shudder to think of the other 39 songs...

give the kid a break and come up with something better if you can

Also, you're thirteen. Any 'relationship' you had was nothing. Meaningless. Even through high school, there's no attachment emotionally and at your age the kids are too awkward to touch and/or speak to each other.

Don't you think he knows this?

but my mom got scared and said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle to Bel-Air!" So I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'FRESH' and there were dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, so I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house around seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

*sigh*

The sad thing is, I tried to write a song like this once,

No you didn't, the "song" above is actually the theme tune to the TV show 'The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air' starring Will Smith, also featuring DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Nice use of another show as your own doing seeing as lyricsfromtheheart is probably too young to remember it.

Haha i have heard of Fresh Prince of Bel Air but only because i was flipping through the channels one night. Also to let you all know i am a GIRL. lol just to let you know.
O and clockwork when i was thirteen i was dealing with this. When you were thirteen you were sitting on your bum thinking of ways to make your miserable life better.

Originally Posted by Clockwork

Also, you're thirteen. Any 'relationship' you had was nothing. Meaningless. Even through high school, there's no attachment emotionally and at your age the kids are too awkward to touch and/or speak to each other.

Haha obviously you haven't been to a middle school or even a high school in the past 20 years. I merely laugh when you say to awkward to touch or speak to each other. Because i am pretty sure there are girls who have had sex before. I am not one of them but i did kiss my boyfriends and go out on dates before. And now we have the new invention of cell phones! So now all we have to do is call up our boyfriend/girlfriend and talk, but I am gonna stop now and tell you thank you for coming and actually reading my lyrics.

Clockwork,

Play nice... The pupose of this forum is to provide useful and constructive critique of the submittals, not unfounded criticism of the poster.

Originally Posted by Clockwork

I'm sorry, is that supposed to be music?!

I understand that you're only 13, but one would think that you'd have a slightly better vocabulary and/or ability to rhyme words or have them conform to some sort of rhythm.

Really, that was absolutely terrible. Three years of writing... I shudder to think of the other 39 songs...

Also, you're thirteen. Any 'relationship' you had was nothing. Meaningless. Even through high school, there's no attachment emotionally and at your age the kids are too awkward to touch and/or speak to each other.

The sad thing is, I tried to write a song like this once, but my mom got scared and said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle to Bel-Air!" So I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'FRESH' and there were dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, so I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house around seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

I'm only 15,
and I write love songs too.
So sue me.

Thats really good! Keep it up. <3

Originally Posted by hart716

I'm only 15,
and I write love songs too.
So sue me.

Haha Thank you. That is so funny.

Originally Posted by AneJay-x

Thats really good! Keep it up. <3

Thanks

I find it a bit insulting that my post was deleted seeing as all I did was advise atmaster on what Clockwork was doing.



Personally, I'd have said "thanks for the advice - knowledge is power, after all"

Luke, you're right.
Sometimes I forget to say Thank you when others tell me what I already knew.
(as Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" softly plays in the background)

Originally Posted by atmaster

Sometimes I forget to say Thank you when others tell me what I already knew.

The way you "spoke" to clockwork, it was hard to tell.

(as Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" softly plays in the background)

You're trying to show irony by using a song about irony but completely devoid of it?

*applauds*

sorry i havent been on in a while i was on vacation. Thanks for all the comments