Corinthian (I beg you to comment)

Hi song is named Corinthian. And no my English is not bad, Its just the way the song goes. I did quite experimental music for this song since this is a very experimental piece of text.

He like you. (I) think he like you.
I'd like you to stay.
I want to eat your eyes into mine.
There is no rats around my head.

If you don't mind I'll pluck your, eyes into mine.
There is no dress under my skin.
Here is no time for my ideas, and no collections in my house.

If I don't gain, some day, what more is there?

(I'm) so glad, you're in my mind.
I like you. I think you want to be kind again.

When I eat your eyes into mine, I die a little inside.

I want to be kind again.
I want to be kind.
I want you.
I will be kind, some day, some time.

ooh well done

thank you very much.

Absolute crap... Sorry but I listen to some weird music and the lyrics don't sound like something you'd come up with by throwing a box of words onto the ground.

Is it supposed to? out of curiosity, what weird music do you listen to?
This song has got a deeper meaning

Experimental music is supposed to be experimental, not to follow the "rules" of music

If you use experimental music, you're a genius
if you use experimental LYRICS, you're a freak.


And I listen to a lot of music

Early Sepultura (when Max didn't know a lot of English)
Enya
Scat (jazz singing)



All I'm saying is: have as much experimental music as you like, just let us understand the lyrics.

This sounds like Robbie Burns if Robbie Burns was on LSD

And try to edit, not double post

Hmm.. sorry for double posting, you should check out the residents, truly genius musicians. I don't quite get you when you say; "Let us understand the lyrics"
Do you by this that a song only has one meaning? I listen to a lot of radiohead for instance, and I visit lyric analyze forums, and people are disagreeing with each other all the time.
Do you think a song should be straight forward?
(I'm probably misunderstanding you here)

Originally Posted by Klukoklai

Hmm.. sorry for double posting, you should check out the residents, truly genius musicians. I don't quite get you when you say; "Let us understand the lyrics"

What I mean is "have proper sentences, not random words"

And I do check out truely genius musicians:

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Kerbdog
Therapy?
Eagles
Joe Walsh
Thin Lizzy
Biohazard
Prong

All great lyricists when you cut it up and they all have structured sentences.

Do you by this that a song only has one meaning? I listen to a lot of radiohead for instance, and I visit lyric analyze forums, and people are disagreeing with each other all the time.

No, I mean "have proper sentences, not random words"

Do you think a song should be straight forward?
(I'm probably misunderstanding you here)

Yes you are, I mean "have proper sentences, not random words"

Ok, thank you. I just find it very easy to misunderstand the way you express yourself. I might edit them a little, but not much, because i disagree with you

I'm not here to make people agree with me, I'm here to give my opinions because you asked for them... Don't want opinions - Don't ask for them - It's simple.


And I express myself very clearly, if you don't understand me, don't get angry, just ask.

I'm not angry and I appreciate your opinion.

I think would work better as poetry. e.e. cummings comes to mind.

And I kind of disagree that music has to be in complete coherent sentences--Beck, Pavement, Zappa, Captain Beefheart?

Who wrote the rule that lyrics have to be in complete sentences? A lot of times there are just phrases that evoke images.

hmm thank you for not acting like some stupid dictionary.. I actually started this as a poem, and now I'm unsure if the theme actually fits in properly..

Awesome Job!!!

5/5

why thank you prince comedy..

wow it is alittle weird but its good sound more like a poem rather then lyrics though

Since I posted it some lines have been changed, but I think I will keep it as a poem for now. I have finished the theme and it's a real challenge to make them fit together.
Thanks for the reply

TIP:

Make it longer to look more like a song

As I said I have had some edits so here is the new version

He like you, (I) think he like you.
I'd like you to stay.
I want to eat your eyes into mine,
But the rehab left me dead

I'll pluck your eyes into mine,
There is no dress under my skin.
There is no time for my ideal,
and I have no presents for my queen.

If I don't find, Some day,
what more is there?

So glad you're in my mind.
I like you,
I think you want to be kind again.
when I eat your eyes into mine.

crawl trough the hole in the wall.
when I have eaten your eyes into mine,
I die a little inside.

I can't find your hands.
Your arms are well enough.

I want to be kind again.
I want to be kind.
I want you.
I will be kind,
some day. some time.
Some day. Some time.

***
the major change is the line "the rats all left my head" (the rehab left me dead)
"the rats" is a 'word' for the delirium tremens (psychosis of chronic alcoholism), both lines tell the story of a person full of madness being drained and ending up boring.
what line do you think is the better? I cant decide.