Song For Bridgend

you were taken too early
by the hands that we held dearly
you could of made it through
we were right here for you

i wonder what you were thinking
what was running through your head
i wonder what you were feeling
when you wrote the last words you said

dear mum im sorry
i couldnt be what you wanted
dear dad i regret
i couldnt take it any longer
dear world im leaving
you'll be a better place now im gone

why didnt we notice
every clenched fist
we never thought of you
leaving as others did

what were you running from
what scared you so badly
what were you frightened of
when tears hit the note sadly

dear mum im sorry
i couldnt be what you wanted
dear dad i regret
i couldnt take it any longer
dear world im leaving
you'll be a better place now im gone

we miss you all
cant help but feel its our fault
please come back to us again

Frickin' hell that's deep... That's Life Of Agony deep...


Case(s) in point:

1. Life Of Agony - Bad Seed
Am I to blame?
If I won't speak her name, if I won't face her grave
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone, I've never felt the same
Well maybe I'm just a bad seed
Of the family
I'll get my sleep without tear-stained sheets
And I'll never come cryin' for sympathy
Well I need a place to run to
Yeah I need a place to hide
Yeah I need a place where I don't need a smile as my disguise
Am I to blame?
If I won't face your grave
Am I to blame? Am I to blame?
If I cannot bear to face your grave
And mother please shine down on me
Show me that I'm not the bad seed
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone I never felt the same
Well maybe my mind's deceiving me
But I think you took the easy way out
You left me standing there empty handed
As soon as you put the gun in your mouth
So please don't keep on asking
If there's something wrong
'Cause you know damn well if I was fine
I would've never ever written this song
Am I to blame?
If I won't face your grave

2. Life Of Agony - River Runs Red
I got the razor at my wrist
'Cause I can't resist
I've got this fever burnin' fist
That does as I wish
But when I get downtown
And see what's around
I just know there's got to be
A better place to be found
CHORUS
Oh, God help me
The river runs red and I think I'm dyin'
Well I knew there'd come a day
When my mind would say Hey are you afraid
Well all I know is that I been down here tryin'
Well, I'll bleed on through the night
I suppose I'll bedead by the morning light
No don't be surprised if you mind when you find me

CHORUS
Oh, God help me

3. Life Of Agony - My Eyes
A little older, little wiser
With every breath I learn just a little more
And with all I've seen, I've finally made up my mind
Enough of this world
Enough blood in these eyes
So, so, so sick of this life

It's about time that I realized
Release this hate from inside
Enough blood in my eyes

Call it what you will
Call it suicide
Disregard how you feel
I'm just freeing my mind
Clench my teeth as I sleep
So, so, so sick of this life
Cannot take, cannot fake
Can't shake this blood from these eyes

All I have and all I will be
Nevertheless I'll live for all eternity
'Cause you can't erase my words, can't erase my mind
You can't wipe out my thoughts
Can't shake this blood from my eyes
So, so, so don't even try

Just give me one good reason to live
I'll give you three to die
Let's leave this world behind

hmmm pretty good text mate, what genre?

It doesn't matter what genre it is, they're good lyrics.

Am I not allowed to ask him anyway? I perfectly understood that you thought this was a good text before you reposted it ultimate worrier.

Not everything here revolves around you

I put that as a throwaway comment not as a dig


Stop arguing with me

I'm perfectly clear about that. To me it seems the only thing revolving around me is you. I just asked him a question and I don't see the effect of you telling me "It does not matter". To me it seems you started this argue not me. Am I not to respond when you minimize my questions?

Originally Posted by Klukoklai

I'm perfectly clear about that. To me it seems the only thing revolving around me is you.

You're only words on a screen to me, not a friend.
My life doesn't revolve around words on a screen unless it's for concert tickets.

I just asked him a question and I don't see the effect of you telling me "It does not matter".

There are no effects to me saying it as it was a general statment, not an attack on you... For whoever's sake, stop trying to act grown up and get over yourself

To me it seems you started this argue not me.

No, I think you did by taking every little thing I said the wrong way and wrongly assuming I'm challenging your comments.

Stop it and the veins in your neck will stop throbbing...

Am I not to respond when you minimize my questions?

Do what you like... Like I said, you look foolish when you argue with big kids.

From my perspective it seemed like an attack on my comment.
Just because you are 31 and I'm 17 does not mean that you should look down on me like a kid.

Originally Posted by Klukoklai

From my perspective it seemed like an attack on my comment.

Change your perspective

Just because you are 31 and I'm 17 does not mean that you should look down on me like a kid.

If you didn't argue the toss with me over every single little thing and blame me for your actions, I would be much nicer towards you.

I'm just talking to you as you talk to me.

whatever...

it was aimed to be a soft melodic rockish metal type thing a little like dyin in ure arms by trivium or bullets another star, something along those lines

but really could fit any genre tbh

Hm, OK that sound good, To me that sounds like the right choice of melody.

Originally Posted by Jacobdatz

it was aimed to be a soft melodic rockish metal type thing a little like dyin in ure arms by trivium or bullets another star, something along those lines

but really could fit any genre tbh

At the risk of sounding argumentitive to the other dude, both BFMV and Trivium are hardly "soft metal-ish"

Well I did actually listen to the bands before posting, so don't worry ultimate worrier, I've heard harder stuff

The text is just great. And it does the subject justice (I had to look it up because the new had passed me by - maybe it hadn't been so prominent in German newspapers).

If it's a song text I wonder. When I write lyrics for existing tunes - set them to text so to speak, as opposed to setting poetry to music - I first check the basic structure, next numbers of syllables and the intonation. I did the same for your text, because I kept having difficulties imaging a melody or finding a rhythm.

The structure of your poem I'd identify as:
Verse
Verse
Chorus
Bridge
Brigde (?)
Chorus
post scriptum (is there a term for this? It's okay, though)

Ther verses are not to easy to do:
7, 8, 6, 6 syllables, and
8, 7, 8, 8 syllables.

The same applies to the bridges or variant verses:
5, 4, 6, 6
6, 6, 6, 7

The stresses vary, too.

So, in my humble opinion this is not really a lyric but a poem. And a good one!

A little textual criticism: you write "I wonder .." twice, and ".. didn't we notice" or "we miss you", respectively, at other parts. Should be the same, either singular or plural; or you migth just leave the person out in what I regard as the second verse.

If you should have got the impression that I have just wrapped my criticism in kind flattery: I've printed your poem because I appreciate it, and I want to keep it. Just for your information.

I look forward to more contributions of that standard.

Bernd

Originally Posted by Klukoklai

Well I did actually listen to the bands before posting, so don't worry ultimate worrier, I've heard harder stuff

Me too:

Sepultura
Nile
Testament
Scared Reich
Deicide
Satyricon
Exhorder
Nile
Desecration...


But what I'm saying is, BFMV and Trivium are not say, Styx or Stryper, are they?