fIrst lyric

Hi all, I am 16 this year
This is my first time coming up with the lyrics
Please judge this song honestly!
Thank you!



Song name : Journey

Verse 1
Walking down the lonely aisle
i would wish someone to be with me
i would reminisce about the times we had
full of sorrow and happiness
Though it is over, i shall carry on

chorus 1
I will move on
I will move on
Cherish the memories we had
loving you is something for long
hoping that it would remain that way

Verse 2
I will move on
as the painful journey goes on
but there will be a light
shining on my soul
and it would guide me to my sky

chorus 2
I will move on
I will move on
reliving the memories we have
singing that meaningful song
how i hope it would be forever

You're 16!?!?!? Those are beautiful

Ultimate-Worrier being kind to them youngsters?
Basically I agree. Just these notes:

"Cherish the memories we had" - "have", not "had", the memories are still there.

"loving you is something for long
hoping that it would remain that way"
In the verse you say "it's over" - doesn't quite match.

"singing that meaningful song" - I don't like this too much.

"how i hope it would be forever" - same like above (doesn't match with your love being over).

Anyway, it's a good and promising "first".

Bernd

thank you.
i will put that into my mind.
I admit that I might not be good in my grammar since i always get border line passes but i will try really hard to improve myself.
the first step would not determine everything,
It wont deter me from my dreams!

Originally Posted by texter-bernd

Ultimate-Worrier being kind to them youngsters?

you don't know me well enough on here to
a) question my posts
and b) administer sarcasm

Give me more opinions.
Anyway, i have come up with another song.
will be posting it later or so