My First Song. Please help me?

Verse 1:

You are the missing piece in my jigsaw,
And make my life worth living for.
Why do you have to live so far away?
And I wish I could be with you.

I’ve missed you ever since you left me last,
And wished for you to return here.
Why is it that you won’t love me the same,
It’s causing me pain, oh oh oh.

Chorus:

Far Away, why do you live so far away?
I just wanted to hold you in my arms.
And I miss you but,
You live so....far away.

Verse 2:

You’ve got beautiful eyes that draw me in,
And your hair that sways in the wind.
Why are you so damn beautiful?
I can’t take my eyes off of you.

So stop making excuses to see me,
I just wanted to see you...
Why don’t you feel the same way about me?
Can’t you just be with me?? oh oh

Chorus:

Far Away, why do you live so far away?
I just wanted to hold you in my arms.
And I miss you but,
You live so....far away.

Chorus:

Far Away, why do you live so far away?
I just wanted to hold you in my arms.
And I miss you but,
You live so....far away.


I know the lyrics are probably **** but it's my first attempt. Please can you give me any tips or tell me how good they are. Thanks very much

i would say it's ok but if you spent more time and work on it and made it more creative it would be great to read but for your first attempt it's good.

Originally Posted by mystery123

i would say it's ok but if you spent more time and work on it and made it more creative it would be great to read but for your first attempt it's good.

thanks mystery123
yeah i spent about 20-30mins so i'll take your advise
it does need a bit of work done to it
thanks very much

I like these, they're pretty singable, like, i could imagine music and a melody with them. nice job for a first try =D

they are not very good, but hey! my first attempt wasn't great at all, yours are gold compared.

"So stop making excuses to see me" - does this make sense in the context?

Otherwise: not great, but not bad either. I, too, have got the impression that the text is quite singable.

Bernd