Hi ab123. "In flame" is more or less correct, but so is "in flames". Actually the plural is more correct or desirable, but I thought it was ok with "train". But really I didn't even think about it, I didn't notice. For poetry/lyrics, I think it's entirely the author's choice.
On the second one, good catch! That was my mistake ...
Alexei, either "We were born" or "we have been born", but I think the first is best. For the entire line, this is my preference:
"We were born under the sounds of marches. We have been frightened with jails."
That's a mix of tense, but I think it sounds good, meaningful ... but you can use just "were" in both cases, if you like. My opinion, it's entirely up to you.
Thanks ab, very much. I hate it when I miss something like that
Tags:
None
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Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you jandros for the clarification. See, I never use the singular and the artistic license thing never occurred to me.
And no problem
-
More about "flame", just to eliminate any possible confusion: In a fire, we can say that we see a flame, or several flames. If a verb or article is used, it might force one or the other: "a flame is burning" or "flames are burning".
Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
I'm sure I would also use the plural, more often than not. But that's a nicety of English, sometimes it's easy to make something fit
Originally Posted by ab123
Thank you jandros for the clarification. See, I never use the singular and the artistic license thing never occurred to me.
And no problem
Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you all for your corrections. I am gonna work on it.
By the way, TRAIN IN FLAME can be compared in Russia with Dylan's "Times a-changin'". Was the same popular in 1990-s as that Dylan's song in the USA in 1960-s.
Here is one more song, presented by Russian group ЧАЙФ
СИЛЫ НЕБЕСНЫЕ \ HEAVENLY FORCES
V. Shakhrin
English retention by A. Markov
Силы небесные, так пожалейте же
Heavenly forces, on the earth, have a mercy
Бедную нашу страну
Our poor land
Пусть виноватую, пусть миром клятую,
May it is guilty, let it’s cursed by the world
Но все же такую одну.
But it is the only one (such country)
Мы слезами горькими плакали,
We were weeping with bitter tears
Мы сыты кровавыми драками.
We are full with bloody fights
Силы небесные, пожалейте нашу страну.
Heavenly Forces! Have a mercy on our land!
Heavenly forces! Please have a mercy
On our pitiful land
Let it be guilty, cursed by the people
Still we must all sick souls mend
Our tears have been bloody-red
We have been full of that horrid bloodshed
Heavenly Forces, have a mercy on our land!
Пожалейте берез весенний наряд
Pity the spring apparel of the birches
И первые в поле цветы.
And the first wildflowers
Пожалейте мальчишек, зелёных солдат,
Pity the boys, the “green” soldiers
И солдат, что со смертью на " ты".
And the soldiers, who can say “Thou” to death
Нецелованных девушек в дальнем селе,
The never-been-kissed girls in the far village
Мужиков, напившихся в дым.
The smashed faced (peasant) men
Стариков, что еще коротают свой век.
The old ones, whish still pass their age (still are alive)
Имена, что пока мы храним.
The names, that we still keep in our memory
Have a pity on birches in green and in gold
Pity wildflowers and snowdrops
Have a pity on boys that have just been called up
And on old soldiers that have been swapped
Girls unkissed in far villages, widows of war
Country blokes ever drunk and unwise
The old ones that survived thru all blood and all gore
All the names that we still memorize
И ещё моих дочек, и твоих сыновей,
And more, on my daughters and your sons
И нестриженый вечно газон.
And on ever unmown lawn
Пожалейте всех тех, кто не любит меня
Have a pity on those who do not love me
И всех тех, кто в меня влюблён.
And on those why fell in love with me
Всех, кто делает дело и не просит у неба
On all, why do their job, and do not ask from you
Как я, сочувственных слов.
The sympathetic words, as I do
Пожалейте всех тех, кто пишет стихи
Have a mercy on all who write the verses (poems)
И всех тех, кто верит в любовь.
And on all, who believe in love
Pity daughters of mine, pity your little sons
Pity lawns that have never been mowed
Pity those who hate me, and those who love
All those nameless and countless crowds
All the folk who just mind their everyday work
Pity poets, whose verses are rough
Pity those who don’t pray as often I do
And all those who believe in love
Heavenly Forces! Have a mercy on our land! -
I can't resist doing this, for anyone who might be interested Originally Posted by Alexei
.... Dylan began as a folk singer, but a lot of his later music carried forward into "R&R". Here is the song that you mentioned:
The Times They Are a-Changin'
Dylan's most well-known folk song (I first heard it when I was about 12):
Blowin' In the Wind
Eric Burden & the Animals made this one famous:
House of the Rising Sun
(Animals' version)
My #1 favorite Dylan tune:
Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Also a favorite:
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
** Not sure about the meaning of Но все же такую одну: Originally Posted by Alexei
... If it's the only country (no other like it), I would say "And it's the only one."
... If it's one among others, I would say "But it's only one."
In this case, the definite article "the" can actually reverse the meaning.
The refrains (all in English) sound great!
If you have any questions about my notes, please ask.Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you, jandros, for your corrections and links.
Here is one more somg, that was sung near the Russian Whirte Hose in August 1991.
Поплачь о нем \ WEEP FOR HIM
Vladimir Shakhrin
English rendition A. Markov
Зачем тебе знать, когда он уйдет,
Why do you want to know when he goes out (passes away)
Зачем тебе знать, о чём он поёт.
Why do you want to know what about does he sing
Зачем тебе знать то, чего не знает он сам.
Why do you want to know (things) he doesn’t know himself
Зачем тебе знать, о чём он просил
Why do you want to know what he asked about?
Зачем тебе знать, кого он любил,
Why do you want to know who he loved?
Зачем тебе знать то, о чём он молчит.
Why do you want to know what is he silent about?
Why do you wonder when he is out?
Why do you wonder what his songs about?
Why do you wanna know things he doesn’t himself?
Why do you wonder what did he ask?
Who did he love, why did he mask?
Who do you have to know why he is dumb?
Поплачь о нём, пока он живой.
Люби его, таким, какой он есть.
Do weep for him till he is alive
Do love him as in fact he is
На детском рисунке домик с трубой.
There is a house with a chimney on a child’s drawing
Фидель Михаилу машет рукой.
Fidel is waiving Michael* with his hand
Мы никак не можем привыкнуть жить без войны.
We can’t get use to live without war
В космос совместный валютный полёт,
A commercial cosmic flight for hard currency
Ночью толпа - крёстный ход.
The crowd in the night – a religious procession
Она уже видит себя в роли вдовы.
She, yet, is seeing herself as a widow
A hut with a chimney, drawn by a kid
Fidel’s waiving Michal, it’s so neat
We can’t get used to live without no wars
Space exploration - commercial flight
Easter procession - crowd in the night
She sees herself as a widow, a natural course
У тебя к нему есть несколько слов,
You’ve sot some words for him
У тебя к нему даже, наверно, любовь.
Maybe you even love him (worded with a little irony)
Ты ждёшь момента, чтоб отдать ему всё.
You are waiting for the (right) moment to give him all
Sure, with him you curr like a dove
Sure, you’ve got something like love
Waiting for a moment you will give him yourself
Холодный мрамор, твои цветы.
The cold marble, your flowers
Все опускается вниз и в горле комок.
Everything go down, a clod in the throat
(It’s a Russian saying about bitter feelings)
Эти морщины так портят твоё лицо.
Those wrinkles spoil your face
Icy-cold marble, flowers of yours
Everything down, clod in the throat
Your wrinkly face, the watery sod
Тихое утро, над городом смог,
Peaseful morning, smog over the city
майская зелень, энцефалит.
The green leaves**, Encephalitis
Там хорошо, где нас с тобой нет.
It’s good there where we do not present
A peaceful morning, smog up the town
Encephalitis, green trees around
The Wonderland is there, and we are still here
Канистра с пивом, при чём здесь вода?
A keg (big can) of beer, why water?
Искусственный белок,
Artificial protein
При чём здесь народ.
Why people?
Сегодня умрёшь, завтра скажут - поэт.
Today you are dead, tomorrow – poet
A keg of beer, why water you mean?
Why all these people?
Mane-made protein
You die today, than poet tomorrow you’ll be
(variant 2: Today you are dead, tomorrow – poEt)
Here PoEt has a Russian stress
• *Fidel Castro & Michael Gorbachev, the song was written in about 1990.
• ** The green leaves in May in central Russia are very nice, but are dangerous because of the peak of activity of Encephalitis ticks carrying that deadly virus. Also a connotation to the radioactive leaves of Chernobyl (the story happened in 26 April 1986). -
Hello and sorry for not seeing this sooner.
I can see that this one is a little more difficult, to get it to flow with clear meaning. I can make a few suggestions:
Why do you wonder when he is out?
Why do you wonder what his songs about?
... Why do you wonder what he sings about?
Why do you wanna know things he doesn’t himself?
... Why do you wanna know what he doesn't know himself?
... (or) You wanna know what he doesn't know himself?
Why do you wonder what did he ask?
Who did he love, why did he mask?
... Why ...
Who do you have to know why he is dumb?
... Why do you have to know (or wonder) why he is mute?
Do weep for him till he is alive
... Do weep for him even while he lives (short i, matches "is")
... (or) Do weep for him while he lives
Do love him as in fact he is
... Do love him for what he is
... (or) Do love him just for what he is
... (or) Do love him just as he is
A hut with a chimney, drawn by a kid
Fidel’s waiving Michal, it’s so neat
... Fidel's waving at Michael .....
We can’t get used to live without no wars
... We can't get used to life without wars (or with no wars)
... (or) We can't get used to living without wars (or with no wars)
Space exploration - commercial flight
Easter procession - crowd in the night
She sees herself as a widow, a natural course
... She sees herself a widow ...
... (or) She sees herself a widow, the natural course
... (either is correct, but more poetic without "as")
Sure, with him you curr like a dove
... Sure, with him you coo like a dove
Sure, you’ve got something like love
Waiting for a moment you will give him yourself
... Waiting for the moment (or time when) you'll give him yourself
Icy-cold marble, flowers of yours
Everything down, clod in the throat
... ... lump in the throat (? ... like English expression "hard to swallow")
Your wrinkly face, the watery sod
A peaceful morning, smog up the town
Encephalitis, green trees around
... (or) Encephalitic ticks? ...... (both i's are short, like "tick")
The Wonderland is there, and we are still here
... (maybe "but we" is a little better, or maybe it doesn't matter)
A keg of beer, why water you mean?
Why all these people?
Mane-made protein
... how about Walking protein? ... or Artificial might be just as good
You die today, than poet tomorrow you’ll be
(variant 2: Today you are dead, tomorrow – poEt)
... (variant 2 seems better but with very gentle stress, just enough to make 2 syllables)
Most of my comments are only suggestions. Again if you have any questions about anything, just ask.
Btw, keg is exactly the word, well-known to just about everybody
_____
Edit: Line 11, another alternative ... life or living ... it's a toss-up, whichever is preferred, or better for cadence.Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you, jandros... It's cool what you've done.
Here is another one. It's a very thicky song of a young Moscow songwriter Tatyana Puchko. Sure, not for beginners!
КОЛОБОК*
Слова и музыка Татьяны Пучко
А беда не уберётся ли так?
Doesn’t the trouble disappear by itself?
И луна не упадёт за дома
The Moon is not gonna fall behind the houses.
И бегом где зима, не сойти бы с ума
Run to the window, just, say myself, don’t get crazy,
На авось*** с подоконника
Jumping, for luck, from the window-sill
Головы бы не забыть впопыхах
I would not like to forget my head in a hurry**
Не пора ли холода провожать
Isn’t it the time to say goodbye to cold
По дорогам вдаль, да по замёрзшим прудам
On the roads, far away, on the frozen ponds
Да печаль не укачать на руках
You will not be able to lull your sorrow on your arms****
• * КолобOк – kolobOk, is a ball-shaped bread from Russian fairy tale. It came to life and jumped from the window-sill and then, after traveling a while, was eaten by a fox. Very popular name in Russia for bakeries and kindergartens.
• **Забыть голову, to forget a head, a Russian saying about a very absent-minded person. Головы не забудь! – Don’t get absent-minded! In case of Kolobok is funny, coz Kolobok has no other parts of body.
• *** Авось, (perhaps, maybe) is considered to be a part of Russian national character, i.e. not to think much of tomorrow.
• **** Absurd, cos kolobok has no arms either
DON’T SING LULLABIES TO YOUR PAIN
Original music and lyrics by Tatyana Puchko
English lyrics by A. Markov
Don’t sing lullabies to your pain
All your troubles has to be said goodbye
To the sore, to the pain, to the cold, to the rain
Don’t even think to sing lullabies
You pain gonna end by itself
The Moon and the Sun will shine
Glass of wine, of five, maybe even nine
Or better than wine – moonshine
Don’t sing lullabies to your pain
All your troubles has to be said goodbye
To the sore, to the pain, to the cold, to the rain
Don’t even think to sing lullabies -
Here is one more. No boubt that used to be one of the most popular rock songs of 1990-s in Russia. Still popular.
ПОСЛУШАЙТЕ
V. Shakhrin
Собираю марки
I collect stamps
От чужих конвертов
From somebody’s envelopes
Отпускаю мысли,
I let my dreams (flow)
Так легко по ветру.
Easily by the wind
Улетает время –
Time is flowing away
Тяжелей, но дольше.
Harder, but longer
Я тебя не встречу,
I won’t get together with you
Не увижу больше.
Won’t see you anymore
Не со мной ты…
You are not with me…
It hurts, bo-o-o-y…
Не могу привыкнуть
I can not get used to
К глупости и фальши –
Foolishness and falseness
Ты была так близко,
You had been so close
Ты теперь всё дальше.
Now you are getting further
Ты вчера ходила
Yesterday you went to
На "Агату Кристи",
“Agatha Christie”***
Я пинал по скверу
I was kicking (toeing) in the square
Золотые листья.
Golden leaves
Разливал в стаканы
I was pouring out
Я киндзмараули*,
Kinzmarauli*
И чужие руки
And somebody’s hands
Резали сулугуни*.
Were cutting Suluguni*
Пела она песни –
She was singing her songs
Плохие да фальшиво,
Badly and falsely
В голове стучалось
I had it hammering in my head
Без тебя паршиво.
“It’s rotten without you”
Не со мной…(Not with me)
It hurts, boy….
• *Red semi-sweet wine from the former Soviet Republic of Georgia
• **Brand of cheese from the former Soviet Republic of Georgia
• *** The name of popular Russian rock-group
LISTEN TO ME!
Original lyrics by V. Shakhrin
English lyrics by A. Markov
Staring at the post stamps
On my sent back letters
Days’n’weeks are passing
Crazy as a hatter
Dream away from here
That’s the only method
Won’t ever see you
Won’t get any better
It hurts, bo-o-o-y…
I can not get used to
Falseness and folly
We had been together
Till that icy volley
They say you are happy
Visiting rock-shows
I stroll by the alleys
Kick leaf with my toes
It hurts, bo-o-o-y…
I was casting out
Bouse from Moldova
Helping gests with nibbles
Knowing it’s all over
That girl by the piano
Sang her airs badly
It was really rotten
It’s still hurting deadly
It hurts, bo-o-o-y… -
***airs Im not sure what that kindof means.... Originally Posted by Alexei
(valley?)*** Maybe Volley should bechanged to valley?
Well, there's my imput!!
Very nice!! -
Thank you, Propel!
I Found air in the e-dictionary with a very rare translation song, aria... I thoght it might work. So it didn't
.
Volley - icy volley, I thought it might be smth like, sayin poetically, cold shower. So It made no sence. I'll think how I can correct it.
Here is one more, not an easy one:
ПРОХОР И ЗАХАР
Слова и музыка Татьяны Пучко
Эй, Захар! Что не весел, мил? Голову склонил.
Иль устал?
Или лошади стали нехорошими.
Али с Прохором плохо тебе? Ну-ка ответь.
Припев:
Вечер лёг на луг небом красным
Ох, людей вокруг много разных
Что о нас они скажут – ясно.
Да какая разница нам!
Мы уйдём…
За реки, горы, за синее море…
Где найдём…
Яхонты, олово, серебро, золото
Прохор да Захар, ветер и пожар,
Эй…
(Припев)
Догорай
В трубке уголёк, путь наш недалёк
Через край…
Через пески, пустыни,
Через болото, мох
Прохор да Захар
Берег да река,
Ах!
(Припев)
PROKHOR AND ZAKHAR
Original music and lyrics by Tatyana Puchko
English lyrics by A. Markov
Hei, Zakhar
How’re doing, man? Why you sad again?
Are you tired?
Or your horses lost their former forces?
Or you ain’t feeling great with Prokhor? Answer right now!
Chorus:
We have always been having people near
They all see our situation sheer
What they say of us is clear
But we ever don’t care!
We shall go
Over wide rivers, blue seas, high mountains
We’ll mine raw
Rubies, diamonds, gold, silver, gas, and oil
Prokhor and Zakhar
From behind the bars
Hei…
(Chorus)
Burning down
Our smoking pipe, our choice is ripe
Go right there
Over the sand and clay
Making uneasy way
Prokhor and Zakhar
Don’t you ever tar..
Ah…
(Chorus)
But we don’t care!
Comments:
A very strange song. New and very arty Russian folk. It is absolutely impossible to understand is it a joke at 2 gays, or very sympathetic and politically correct song about 2 guys that are different. Some sort of dissidents of free thinkers. The old traditional peasant language with a little dialect articulation. -
Привет Алехей. Seems like I've missed some good stuff in the past few days
In this song I recommend spelling "Hei" as "Hey" ...
PROKHOR AND ZAKHAR
Original music and lyrics by Tatyana Puchko
English lyrics by A. Markov
Hey, Zakhar
How’re doing, man? Why you sad again?
Are you tired?
Or* your horses lost their former forces?
Or* you ain’t feeling great with Prokhor? Answer right now!
... Or* things aren't so great with (you and) Prokhor? Tell me now!
* You can omit "Or" in all 3 lines, it's clear, might even flow better.
Chorus:
We have always been having people near
They all see our situation sheer
... maybe here instead of sheer? (sheer is awkward in this case)
What they say of us is clear
But we ever don’t care!
... But we don't ever care!
We shall go
Over wide rivers, blue seas, high mountains
We’ll mine raw
Rubies, diamonds, gold, silver, gas, and oil
Prokhor and Zakhar
From behind the bars
Hey…
(Chorus)
Burning down
Our smoking pipe, our choice is ripe
Go right there
Over the sand and clay
Making an uneasy way
Prokhor and Zakhar
Don’t you ever tar..
... tar ... tire? ... it's probably close enough in rhyme (not sure what is meant by "tar")
Ah…
(Chorus)
But we don’t care!Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Did we miss this one before?
DON’T SING LULLABIES TO YOUR PAIN
Original music and lyrics by Tatyana Puchko
English lyrics by A. Markov
Don’t sing lullabies to your pain
All your troubles has to be said goodbye
... very bad grammar here ... how about All your troubles, have to say goodbye?
To the soreness, to the pain, to the cold, to the rain
Don’t even think to sing lullabies
Your pain gonna end by itself
The Moon and the Sun will shine
... can omit the second the (Sun) if you like
Glass of wine, or five, maybe even nine
Or better than wine – moonshine
Chorus: See notes above
___
Забыть голову, to forget a head ... that's me!! Actually I was trying to figure out how to explain that to a friend just recently. Next time I'll use that phrase
Funny thing about moonshine: I grew up in "moonshine country" in the US, and even my neighbor had a still (distillery). But I've heard that moonshine is as "popular" in Russia as it is among my countrymen
Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you very much. I'm gonna to consider all your remarks.
How about this one. The original russian soundtrack may be found on
www.koroliova.ru
НОВОГОДНЯЯ КОЛЫБЕЛЬНАЯ \
CHRISTMAS LULLABY
Original lyrics and music by Tatyana Koroliova
English lyrics by Alexei Markov
We are gonna decorate our home with glow
That will lighten our porch thru all the night
Mother Winter’s gonna say us “Hi” with snow
Our garden’s gonna dress in snow-white
Mother Winter’s gonna say us “Hi” with snow
Our garden’s gonna dress in white
Thru the night we gonna sing our merry carols
Our funny toys are gonna come to life
You are gonna find a yummy ginger biscuit
Teddy Bear’s gonna dance and play the fife
Under pillow you will find a yummy biscuit
Teddy Bear’s gonna dance and fife
In the morning you will wake up to the pealing
There’ll be many boxes under Christmas tree
You will not forget this festive happy feeling
We are gonna have tomorrow, you and me
You are gonna not forget this festive feeling
It is gonna mean a lot to me
It will be so sad to see the wonders leaving
All the lamps will go out far and wide
It’s so hard to live with no believing
Things that on the Christmas all of us abide
It’s so hard to live with no believing
Things that on the Christmas we abide -
Алехей, не за что, always glad to help
In "Christmas Lullaby" below, it'll be better to use contractions with "gonna" ... We're gonna, You're gonna, It's gonna ...
НОВОГОДНЯЯ КОЛЫБЕЛЬНАЯ \
CHRISTMAS LULLABY
Original lyrics and music by Tatyana Koroliova
English lyrics by Alexei Markov
We are gonna decorate our home with glow
... We're gonna decorate our home with a glow
That will lighten our porch thru all the night
... That will brighten our porch all thru the night
... or That will light up our porch all thru the night
Mother Winter’s gonna say us “Hi” with snow
... ..... gonna tell us (or just say) "Hi" with snow
Our garden’s gonna dress in snow-white
Mother Winter’s gonna say us “Hi” with snow
... ..... gonna tell us (or just say) "Hi" with snow
Our garden’s gonna dress in white
Thru the night we gonna sing our merry carols
Our funny toys are gonna come to life
You are gonna find a yummy ginger biscuit
Teddy Bear’s gonna dance and play the fife
Under pillow you will find a yummy biscuit
Teddy Bear’s gonna dance and fife
In the morning you will wake up to the pealing
... or In the morning you'll wake up to bells pealing
There’ll be many boxes under Christmas tree
... ..... under the Christmas tree
You will not forget this festive happy feeling
We are gonna have tomorrow, you and me
You are gonna not forget this festive feeling
... You're not gonna forget ...
... or You will never forget ...
It is gonna mean a lot to me
... It's gonna ...
It will be so sad to see the wonders leaving
All the lamps will go out far and wide
It’s so hard to live with no believing
... ..... without believing
Things that on the Christmas all of us abide
... (remove the before Christmas)
... or Things that on Christmas we all abide
It’s so hard to live with no believing
... ..... without believing
Things that on the Christmas we abide
... (remove the before Christmas)Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Thank you, jandros. I will work on it and try to finalise...
Here is one more, by Dmitry Malikov. He is big in Russia. I like some of his early songs. Here is one of them. Nice pop fusion of rock and russian folk:
ТЫ МОЕЙ НИКОГДА НЕ БУДЕШЬ \
YOU”LL NEVER BE MINE
Dmitrii Malikov (2)
Chorus:
Ты моей никогда не будешь
You’ll never be mine
Ты моей никогда не станешь (никогда)
You’ll never become mine
Наяву меня не полюбишь
You’ll never love me in reality
И во сне меня не обманешь
Nor you’ll cheat me in dreams
На юру загорятся листья
The leaves will blush up the hill
За горой загорится море
The sea will blush over the hill
По дороге промчатся рысью
The two strangers
Незнакомых всадников двое
Will race at a trot
(Chorus)
Свистнут терпких листьев обрывки
The shred of astringent leaves will whistle
На губах старинного бора
On the lips of the age-old coniferous forest
И останутся лишь обрывки
But the snatches of their vague conversation
Их неясного разговора
Will be left
Ты моей никогда не будешь
You’ll never be mine
Ты моей никогда не станешь (никогда)
You’ll never become mine
Наяву меня не погубишь
You’ll never destroy me in reality
И во сне меня не приманишь
And you’ll never lure me in dreams
MY POETIC RENDITION
You’re not gonna be beside me
We’re not gonna be together
You’re having a steep climb uphill
I am making my way nether
Up the hill the grass is blushing
Being uphill you see the ocean
Up the hill the leaves are lushing
People can control emotions
I stroll in the midst of old pines
Listenin’ my known birds’ piping
I will never go Alpine
Never make this steep climbing
You’re not gonna be beside me
We’re not gonna be one flock
I’m not gonna be cheated
Nether got tempted by your rock -
Just to add that the song of D.Malikov is taken from the albom "S Toboi", and this lyrics above is written by David Samoilov, a well-known Russian poet.
-
Alexei, I found that song by Malikov on youtube. It certainly is nice, very smooth in a fusion of old and new. Here's the link:
Dmitrii Malikov - You'll Never Be Mine
Your poetic rendition:
You’re not gonna be beside me
We’re not gonna be together
You’re having a steep climb uphill
I am making my way nether
..... it might be better to use the noun form of "nether", thus:
..... I'm making my way thru the nether
..... but it's up to you.
Up the hill the grass is blushing
Being uphill you see the ocean
Up the hill the leaves are lushing
People can control emotions
I stroll in the midst of old pines
Listenin’ my known birds’ piping
..... Listenin' to my ...
I will never go Alpine
Never make this steep climbing
You’re not gonna be beside me
We’re not gonna be one flock
I’m not gonna be cheated
Nether got tempted by your rock
.... Nor get tempted ... ?
_____
And actually I really like a more direct translation of this song, but still taking some poetic liberty. Tell me Alexei, what do you think of this?
You'll never be mine
You'll never become mine
In dreams you'll not love me*
In sleep you'll not deceive me*
Leaves will blush up the hill
Sea will shine over the divide
On a road, a rush breaks the still
As two strangers ride.
Leaves will whisper in patches
On the lips of a timeless green forest
Lovers' voices, heard only in snatches
Are all but lost.
You'll never be mine
You'll never become mine
In dreams you'll not love me*
In sleep you'll not deceive me*
* in lines 3 & 4, I use "you'll not" instead of something like "you won't", because I think it has a classically poetic ring. Anyway, I'm curious what you think about my rendition ...Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
Poetically I think it's fine. I like how you did things with that sea view and expecially with horse riders, it's an important detail that I could not fit, but I just can't fit your variant rhytmically. Did you try to sing it under Malikov's melody? Or maybe its something wrong with my feel of rhytm
