Song about consumer gullability.

Wrote it with my friend drunk at 2 am. It's my first song and unedited so there is no song structure. Lines in asterisks were my friend. Critique them separately please.



*Hear, around the sounds*
*Put your ear, to the ground*
*watch, a passing moon*
*and then the rising, of the sun*

*while you wait, to hear the truth*
*your life, will pass you by*
*don't wait, for them or me*
*to show you, how or why*

the march of the consumer
right off the cliff of sanity
trying to fill the emptiness
voiceless are we

while you wait to hear the master
tell you what you need
buying in to your disaster
to you the master feeds

*read between the lines*
*don't buy into the deal*
*tell me if you find*
*what they say is real*

*if you want to walk*
*along the party line*
*soon enough you'll see*
*that its all a lie*

try fill the hole
just to be left out in the cold
wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
make up your own mind

don't just pay the toll
and give up when your told
wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
make up your own mind




It's work in progress BTW, so please input.

a little bit ironic to critize consumption while youre drunken, i think... ;-)
i like the message, but the song is to straight according to my taste. your last two passages could be good material for a chorus.

Originally Posted by Phizzél

a little bit ironic to critize consumption while youre drunken, i think... ;-)
i like the message, but the song is to straight according to my taste. your last two passages could be good material for a chorus.

Our song focused more on the buying of useless electronics like buying a new cellphone every few weeks. I didn't mean literal consumption. lol

I agree it's too obvious. When I write songs alone I don't make it so easy to interpret.

And yeah I wrote that with a chorus in mind. Either that or paragraph 3.


Thanks for the feedback