please tell me wat u think of my lyrics

its called Young Hearts



Darkness everywhere
The world isn't fair
Bombs going off somewhere

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all the good times once shared

And people live in fear
Because of the men with guns
No one will ever be the same again
Oh, who is the one to blame?
(For this?)

Soldiers will feel the effects of war
Civilian's will wear the consequences
A nation will lose it's pride
The world will have nothing to gain
(At all)

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all
The good times once shared

It's always sad to see a child all alone
Crying over their mother's dead body
A sense of sadness in society
Are you so cold hearted to let the war go on?

Sadness creeping into young hearts
Because of war and death
Makes you forget of all
The good times once shared

Darkness everywhere
The world just isn't fair
Bombs flying everwhere

[END]


copyright 2009 luke haze

omg please tell me wat u think!

Very well written, however, I feel it needs some sort of "conclusion" or something, like a part where you perhaps use irony, and critize the core of the matter. I'm not completely sure how to explain it. I guess you need to "make your point" or something. I advise to check out Tool's lyrics, they often use this kind of thing
Anyhow, great lyrics, keep up the good work!

not bad not bad at all

amazing and so true......look at my second song!

the one thing I would think about would
be more metaphors or something not
so literal....talent!

very nice lyrics , dude . I suggest , as Essen said , to put a conclusion over there and the song will be perfect ,let's say something like

What are we supposed to do
Do what our young hearts want to
Cause it is true , this world's a creature
We can tame it and change the future

add this or something like this and it will be gr8 !