O Wonderful Whoever

I started attempting to write songs recently, so tell me what you think if you want...
For now this is called O Wonderful Whoever, but I can't decide if that sounds stupid or not. It's not finished either

(Verse)
Oh deity above who scatters grains of salt
Why is it we must be born as sinners by default?
Can't we believe that everyone really is born decent
(--can't think of a good line here!--)

(Verse)
Oh dearest atheist, on the day of your funeral
Your family jokes that you're all dressed up with no place to go
And as you're buried, not a single tear is shed
By the well-informed pessimists who know you're better off dead

(Bridge)
'Cause they know, they just know, it's so simple
Yes they know, and they let everyone else know

(Chorus)
It's like watching a stand-up act on stage
Except the comedian is speaking a different language
That everyone else understands
And so to not be a jerk you just sit and smile and nod
Who knows why the audience laughs or applauds?

(Verse)
Oh holy suicide bomber, what did your friends all say?
That soon you'd be rewarded for your courage and your strength?
But you didn't wait your turn, didn't even get to see the towers burn
And the six-graders watching on TV learned
That hate creates more hate


(Chorus)
It's like watching a stand-up act on stage
Except the comedian is speaking a different language
That everyone else understands
And so to not be a jerk you just sit and smile and nod
Who knows why the audience laughs or applauds?

(Maybe this verse next, but I can't decide if it sounds too pretentious or something...)
Oh devout Christian who is steadfast in your ways
Who spits upon thy neighbor, but every night still prays
Please evaluate tonight before you turn the lights off
You only give to charities to count for a tax write-off

(Bridge)
So for now, we must wander in the shadows of kingdom come
Just for now, we'll gaze into the sun

Then the chorus again

I REALLY LIKE THIS !

I don't know how you are gonna sing it, you know the rythem and so, but the subject and so on is great.

5/5

Think this song is really clever, and the lyrics are definitly very good and meaningfull.
However its a bit wordy and if its a pop song its not gonna be a instant catch unless the melody makes up for that.
about the verse you think is too prentencious

Oh devout Christian who is steadfast in your ways
Who spits upon thy neighbor, but every night still prays

I thought that bit was brilliant. Maybe not the next bit as it sounds abit too wordy, like your struffling to fit all the words in. However i cant really make this judgment properlly without hearing the music aswell.

Thanks guys! You just made my day