Heart Broken

V1
I sat within the Shadows
Watching memories upon the walls
the darkness is lingering
growing as I fall

Chorus
I've cried all my tears
as I succumb to my despair
I hoped it wouldnt hurt me
as realized she didnt care
I thought her love was true
with every word she had spoken
I gave up my heart to her
and once again it is broken

V2
I opened up my heart to her
she dropped it to the ground
I fell in to this nothingness
as the darkness it surrounds

Chorus
I've cried all my tears
as I succumb to my despair
I hoped it wouldnt hurt me
as realized she didnt care
I thought her love was true
with every word she had spoken
I gave up my heart to her
and once again it is broken


[rap]
What im trying to say is,
I gave you my love, and you broke my heart,
You wonder why we are apart,
that is the way it has to be,
Besides your the one who broke up with me,
Who says it wont happen again,
You know you can still be my friend,
i always be here for you,
but we will never be together and that is true,
Your the one who said i was nothing to you,
You said you didn't want me around,
just because you thought you found a better man,
But then he turned you down,
You decided to come back to me,
but its been a year now,
and i can't even see,
Us being together,Ever

Chorus
I've cried all my tears
as I succumb to my despair
I hoped it wouldnt hurt me
as realized she didnt care
I thought her love was true
with every word she had spoken
I gave up my heart to her
and once again it is broken

just to elieviate any further confusion.

Try something like this. A new title
(Once Again My Heart Was Broke)
V1
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy


V2
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy


chorus
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy


just to elieviate any further confusion.. repeat the hook once or twice after every chorus

V3
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy


And so on

just to elieviate any further confusion.

.

Jony bek.

Originally Posted by jony bek

It’s a bit wordy Steve0 try reducing it a little something like I’ve written below, all the same it’s a great song it just need a bleeding good tweak!

Try something like this. A new title
(Once Again My Heart Was Broke)
V1
I sat among the shadows
Sliding down on the wall
The darkness creeping closer
And growing as I fall

V2
When I opened up my heart
She dropped it to the ground
And I fell into this nothingness
And the darkness it surrounds

chorus
Because I thought her love was true
With every word she spoke
But this love was not to be
Once again my heart was broke

Once again my heart was broke. repeat the hook once or twice after every chorus

V3
I’ve cried too many tears
And succumbed to my despair
I hoped she would hurt me
But realized she didn’t care

And so on

Give the song a little structure it will enable a composer to form a rhythm and beat a little easier.

That’s my thoughts anyway. Feel free to use anything here.

Jony bek.

Thank you jonny,

Originally Posted by Steve0

Thank you jonny, but i don't really know how to write a song, I can only make a story and rhyme, But i would like you to teach me how, how do you know theses things? what do you do?

Ok steve0

if you really want to learn the art of songwriting, this is a good place to start, it's where I began.
you'll find that writing songs is much the same as writing poetry only you add a melody!

6 STEPS TO SONGWRITING SUCCESS REVISED AND EXPANDED EDITION by Jason Blume
isbn.2823084124

or something along those lines.
have fun
jony bek

Thanks

wauuuuwwww
your song made me cryy
it's soo gooddd

dude ur gd! keep goin! do you write songs from past experiances?

Originally Posted by smileygal

dude ur gd! keep goin! do you write songs from past experiances?

"SOME"

Originally Posted by pure_poison

wauuuuwwww
your song made me cryy
it's soo gooddd

NICE TO HEAR I CAN REACH SOMEBODIES HEART! thanks for the mini review but its Steve0 song?

jony bek

hahaha lol i no i think we were both kinda talkin to both of you!! lol jony do u write any songs or post any??

Originally Posted by smileygal

hahaha lol i no i think we were both kinda talkin to both of you!! lol jony do u write any songs or post any??

try the Lyrics review "your touch is Electric"

jony bek

kk i will!

This is my song. and thanks. they were talking about me. jony didn't really do anything.

Im sorry that it made you cry, i hope they were joyfull tears poisen,

I can't believe that you would think they were talking about you jonny?what the hell?

haha lol. well thts kinda mean stev0 but tru. so where do you get the ideas from?

i get my ideas from past experiences. but im running out of ideas haha,

i think this is the best song i ever wrote.

It actually is the best song from you I saw here

well thank you

Its really good ;]

x

thanks