Not bad, not bad at all. I do have a couple suggestions. First would be to (if you were in fact trying to make some kind of rhyme scheme) mix up the rhyming a little bit so it's not so repetive. The other would be to find something a little different to say than "the dark side". You have it quite a bit in the lyrics, which makes what you're saying somewhat redundant and it gets old. Other than that, it's not bad for a first time out. I also write primarily metal. If you'd like you should check out some of mine. My newest one is on the first page "Wake Up Pt.2". What particular style of metal are we talking about here?
Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight? It appears quite black. Have you ever seen spiders crawling on the graves?