I wish everyday was christmas

You feel my thoughts of being remembered
My happy days are only in December
When nights are cold and i tremble
I realize this is my symbol
Happy and fun
Family together
I think to myself,this can't get better
Your hand as soft as a feather
I throw on a coat made of leather


[chorus]
I wish everyday was christmas
You wouldn't want to miss this
It's all filled with lots of fun
Cause when it comes you never want it to be done
[verse 2]
Christmas is almost over
A tear falls over your shoulder
This day couldn't be any bolder
I just...........I just......wish it wasn't over

[repeat chorusx2]

hey u could mayb get rid of some lines in the first verse because its a bit long. and mayb try adding another verse. otherwise its gd!

Thanx for the advice are you posting any new songs?I want to read somemore of yours

no. i dnt hav any new songs! i will write some today tho

hey i really like this song you ryme awsome, but every body can't be as good as you l.o.l

Its to shor i blieve, your rhyming is getting better.

Good first draft, needs some work. I like your rhyme with Christmas but this one not only telegraphs itself to the listener long before it happens, it's too worn out and simplistic, almost like a nursery rhyme or something:


It's all filled with lots of fun
Cause when it comes you never want it to be done

Also, your opening line seems a little convoluted. Not only shorten it as a poster above mewntioned but make it crytal clear.

Before tackling the rhyme change maybe read this to avoid repeating the mistake

Knee-Jerk-Rhyming---The-Fatal-Flaw-That-Could-Cause-Your-Song-to-Be-Rejected!

At:

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Bill_E_Watson

Timbo

I'm sorry,but this is terrible, no offense. It doesn't make sense. I sound very rude right now, but it's true. You just found words that rhyme and put them together. This doesn't make sense at all.