Can you check my songtexts please?

Hello friends, I'm from Germany. I'm singer and guitarist in a Rock Band! (Right Risk - Right Risk) Well, our songtexts a written in english and because I'm just 15 years old, my english is not as good.
So I would be lucky, if some of you could check my songtexts. Maybe I have some language problems, so it were nice if you corect them. And maybe you can say me, whether you understand my texts. Do they make sense?
Thank you very much!

Here are some:

1.
Like A Fireman

You don't know what you've perpetrated what you've accomplished
when you gave me your glace And you wanted it back to donate it to someone else
I don't know what you have attained when you've inflamed my heart
And the flame burned up my soul. And you didn't give a damn about it.

When that day has begun I regrettably knew I would feel forever
What I wanted you to feel for one moment
At the end of the day my heart was like a lift-off flame
That you wanted to efface like a fireman

You don't know what it was like to have a heart like a empty but huge blaze
When you are alone in your own world and you walk this lonely street
You don't know what it was like to givet the love of a burning heart away.
Allthough you know it end in smoke.

When I was on my way home you call me.
At once I asked how you want me to be?
You let me know you don't wanna say goodbye
It was no solution to lie.

2.
School's Life

Yesterday I woke up
It was raining cats and dogs
My room was so untidy
And I couldn't find my socks

And everyday the same old crap
For what I need the school?
Who do you think I am?
I just act the fool.

But as luck would have it
A statement of sorts
Is made by the early school
And I was lost in thoughts

School is shitty
School really sucks
But school is my life
My eyes stare at the clocks

Get off my back!

My laziness is stronger
Than the sanity in my mind
I don't know how to go on
No solution I will find

Yeah yesterday I woke up
And today i've overslept
I wait for the disaster
I don't look well-kept

3.
Seek The Gone Day

She was younger and greater
Than I thought and later
She gave all the responses
I've ever looked for. And this
Was a new and important sight
For what I've believed and wanted to fight.
I didn't believe whats happened
And I had to stay tuned

Soon I didn't have to neglect this chance
And nobody held me in a fence
So I knew to open my eyes
without conjuring someone's cries
Maybe it would be enough to behave
But it could be the end if I've gave
Her no looked for call.
She would go up the wall

But of course I was much too late
And there was no chance left for a date
With the person who I've ever sought
My last try was the present I've brought
But it was like to make retrograde
Something departed cause' of the **** I've made.
It was like to seek the past day
Although you've cast it away

So I remembered and said to me
You have to look at the clock
if you dont wanna oversleep.
Cause' later you wake up
and seek the gone day

4.
Time Drives Me Crazy

It is allready ten past nine
Well school has started no time to dine
I know I am much to late
The trafficlight is red so I have to wait

I hate waiting I hate sitting there
To meet my fate To have self-pity

Time Drives
And I hate it so
Me Crazy...
Thats the show

I remember it's the fourth time
When I'm to late the sun doesn't shine
The lights don't change I don't care
I cross over soon police is there

Time Drives Me Crazy...

Bad premises to have a nice day
Only Cause of the time, I would say
I have to pull myself together
So please don't ask me wether....

5.
The Unreturned Love

Whatch over me
There are a few day left
Whatch over me
I can't await this moment
I'm so nervous
I can't hack it
I'm so excited
I can feel it
I detest it
The unreturned love

Take your time
when you're thinking
Youre able to raise my hope
and please no kidding
when you promise me the moon
I hate losing
More than ever when I tuned in
to triumphing

When I saw you
the really first time
Who'd a thunk you didn't
feel fine
You are ideal and never
commit a crime
But how can I know whether
you ever will be mine?1

I know I am late
And I don't accept my fate!
I'm at a loss what to do
No dreams come true!

6.
Not Her

Sometimes there are days,
you only want to scream,
you're searching for other ways
staying alone in this little world
is like a mirror falling down,
Yes babay, I mean what I say

Just try believe me,
it's not very easy
running away and only to hide
Please try to relieve me,
I'm feeling so sleazy
I need a real friend by my side

I've been waiting so long
for so many things to change
nothing happens, I wasn't strong
But you show me the real world,
to have fun,no, it's not wrong

You try to help me if you can
you try to rescue me,
from all the pain
No one ever did that, yeah
and you know it, i know it
its out there, somewhere

But you are the one,
who never ask questions
You are the one,
eavesdrop my voice
You are the one whos telling me the truth
You are the one,
respecting my choice

You are the one,
who has a mind of his own
You are the one
who's very strong
You are the one
who never lied straight to my face
I thank you,
for all you've done

7.
My Pretensions

I look for a girl, who can see
what unique music means for me
a girl that likes the special sound
you can hear when the melodie is found

I know what I want is to much
But anyone who can count the mistakes I made
That is all I am looking for
Whether I find someone or not

A few words of my feelings
are some of the impossible things
I can speak them over again
but finaly I only say I love you and than

I'm in search of the real thing
but the world is much too huge
to differ fancy from real love
So maybe love is chestiness

8.

Friday's Rain
Don't don't run away when the friday rains
You have to know theres anybody
who still want you to know that you want to know
that theres a person to love but not everybody
The person comes so soon to you,
So please dont feel so blue.

Can you hear the noise of the scary thunder
when youre outside on your way
So, Listen to the little girls
that are left out in the rain on friday

Sometimes a teartrop is just a teartrop
Often a teartrop is a mean lie
Always a teartrop is the reason of a feeling
But your teartrop is the reason of your cry
When the rain begins and you wanna die
When the sun just says goodbye

9.
Far Away

There is someone new again
A new chance to win
I will be lucky if I can

At once everybody know
What my feeling is about
Another time for my eyes to close

My love tells me that I need you
Why are you far away?
I think of you in the deep dark night
Why are you far away?

Between us is an unseen bond
We two belong together
My love will last forever
Why are you far away?

How can I explain
The biggest kind of affection
Just words aren’t the same

It makes not much sense
Of course this won’t change
‘Cause I’m the little guy behind the fence

10.
Build Up A Wall

I'm a boy who always tries
to be a good one
to be liked by my friends
I try to be like you want me
Yes, When I'm envious
I imagine I'm an useful guy
to my fellow men
that I slag the other off

Build up a wall build up a wall
to protect you against me letdown
Can I help you in bad times.
Am I the friend you need?
I try to be the solution
In a big trouble.
I cannot comply the perfect guy
So like me or not.

I'm the boy who always tries
to be the best one
to be loved by my friends
I just can be like I am
Yes, When I'm envious
I think I'm an useful guy
to my fellow men
that I slag everybody off

11.
Better Than Heaven

Over again I'm sitting here
A ballad for my dreamgirl
for the way out of the hell
This thing I can't pay too dear

Beautifuler than heaven
Colder than the rain
Twenty-Four-Seven
That's the girl in the main

Its like everytime in story
I'm not fed up to the back teth
to write and love an angle
Lets take windows to heaven

12.
Anyway

You heard about monday morning blues
And you realized it's true,
But you won't anything about it
Hanging 'round like this.

Don't regreat mistakes made yesterday
Don't forget tomorrow is so far away
You won't worry 'bout the future
When it never comes.

Well, forget the rest and do your best,
Oh Honey you know life is going so fast
Nothing is worth beeing worried about
Let it all out!

If your fags are gone and you're aou of money,
no whiskey, no bier, no milk and no honey,
won't you worry life has always
been going on.

Workin ten hours a day,
Can't out you down,
Cause you know there is a lot of madness around
So get some fund and spread it all right know.

13.
You Know What I Mean

The other day I was sitting
In the road whatching the rain
while I was having a pie soup pie
and I was wondering why my mother told me, to be careful
with these wild tigers, even when they hadn't pink and green stripes

So I put on my sunglasses and started to laugh
Feeling easy about the weatherforcast
So everything I'm telling you, you know what I mean
Is to be declared that I'm the king and your the queen.

And then I saw theses yellow theeth, a smell of death
a taste of love and I was starving
and I hit the toast of table and my mind floating away,
left me alone for no reason and I can't ind the answer

well let me first off saying that you're very good for someone who rough in english, and you're right i do see some errors in words and grammar i can help you on that, i can see your potentials yet it's unpolished but it will work out soon enough. if you want i can help you over PM messages that way you have saved infos later on

Hallo nach Deutschland!

Mach weiter so!!
Ich mag deine Texte
Und daswegen
...bitte sehr hier die erste Korrektur

Like A Fireman

You don't know what you've perpetrated what you've accomplished
when you gave me your glace (1) And you wanted it back to donate it to someone else
I don't know what you’ve attained when you've inflamed my heart (2)
And the flame burned up my soul. And you didn't give a damn about it

When that day has begun(3) I regrettably knew I would feel forever
What I wanted you to feel for one moment
At the end of the day my heart was like a lift-off(4)flame
That you wanted to efface(5) like a fireman

You don't know what it was like to have a heart like a (6) empty but huge blaze
When you are alone in your own world and you walk this lonely street
You don't know what it was like to givet the love of a burning heart away.
Allthough you know it (7) end in smoke.

When I was on my way home you call me.(8)
At once I asked how you want me to be?(9)
You let me know you don't wanna (10) say goodbye
It was no solution to lie.(11)


1.>>Glace- wenn du hast einen Blick gemeint es sollte sein „glance“
2.>>anstatt „inflamed“ kannst du besser „sparked“ gebrauchen
3.>>When that day has begun>> man kann besser sagen “when the day dawned”
4.>>“off” sollte nur “of” sein
5.>>„efface“ waere besser mit „snuff out“
6.>>“a empty” = an empty
7.>>Allthough you know it “ would” end in smoke
8.>>bessere Formulierung>>”When I was on my way home you called me”
oder “I was on my way home when you called me”
9.>>Once I asked you: how do you want me to be ( ohne “at” )
10.>>Besser>> Let me know, you don’t want to say goodbye
Das>>Wort “Wanna” ist nur in der Amerikanischen Umgangssprache vorhanden, und wird fast nie in Liedern verwendet.
11.>>Besser >> It wasn’t the solution to lie
>>© Edited by E.A.v.M.03/11/2010
Gruss
Ina
P.S.Gib mir nur ein bisschen mehr Zeit.

Na, das war sehr leicht ,

School's Life

Yesterday I woke up
It was raining cats and dogs
My room was so untidy
And I couldn't find my socks

And everyday the same old crap
For what I need the school? (1)
Who do you think I am?
I just act the fool. (2)

But as luck would have it
A statement of sorts
Is made by the early school
And I was lost in thoughts

School is shitty
School really sucks
But school is my life
My eyes stare at the clocks

Get off my back!

My laziness is stronger
Than the sanity in my mind
I don't know how to go on
No solution I will find

Yeah yesterday I woke up
And today I've overslept
I wait for the disaster
I don't look well-kept

1. >>"For what I need the school?" Besser>>”For what I do need the school?”
2. >>I just act the fool." Besser >> “I just act like a fool”
© Edited by E.A.v.M.03/11/2010

Ina

so nice dude

Das war auch nicht besonders schwer zu korrigieren.
Man kann verstehen was du versuchst in deinen Texten zu sagen.

Seek The Gone Day

She was younger and greater
Than I thought and later
She gave all the responses
I've ever looked for. And this
Was a new and important sight
For what I've believed and wanted to fight.
I didn't believe what’s happened
And I had to stay tuned

Soon I didn't have to neglect this chance
And nobody held me in a fence
So I knew to open my eyes
without conjuring someone's cries
Maybe it would be enough to behave
But it could be the end if I've gave (1)
Her no looked for call.(2)
She would go up the wall

But of course I was much too late
And there was no chance left for a date(3)
With the person who I've ever sought
My last try was the present I've brought
But it was like to make retrograde(4)
Something departed cause' of the **** I've made.
It was like to seek the past day(5)
Although you've cast it away

So I remembered and said to me(6)
You have to look at the clock
if you dont(7) wanna oversleep
Cause'(8) later you wake up
and seek the gone day


1.>>”But it could be the end if I've gave” korrekt waere>>”I’ve given” oder “I gave”
>>I've gave>> gibt es nicht in der Englischen Sprache.<<

2.>>”Her no looked for call.” ? Hast du gemeint “Ihr nicht „gucken“ fuer ein Anruf”
wenn, denn >> „Hers not waiting for a call“
3.>>”And there was no chance left for a date“>>Lasse das “left” aus
4.>>”But it was like to make retrograde”>>Da fehlt ein “a” vor “retrograde”
5.>>”It was like to seek the past day”>>Besser>>“It was like to seek yesterday”
6.>>”So I remembered and said to me”>> much, much besser>>…….and said to myself
7.>>”if you dont wanna oversleep”>>If you don’t want to oversleep<<
8.>>”Cause' later you wake up”>> Das Apostroph kommt vorne am Wort..(be)’cause
>>© Edited by E.A.v.M.03/11/2010
Ina

.... jetzt aber eine kurze Unterbrechung!

Time Drives Me Crazy

It is allready (1) ten past nine
Well, school has started no time to dine ( 2)
I know I am much to(3) late
The trafficlight (4) is red so I have to wait

I hate waiting I hate sitting there
To meet my fate To have self-pity

Time Drives
And I hate it so
Me Crazy...
Thats (5) the show

I remember it's the fourth time
When I'm to (6) late the sun doesn't shine
The lights don't change I don't care
I cross over soon police is there

Time Drives Me Crazy...

Bad premises (7)to have a nice day
Only Cause (8) of the time, I would say
I have to pull myself together
So please don't ask me wether....(9)

1.>>already>>nur ein “L”
2.>>time to dine>> Niemand “dine” at ten passt nine
es bedeutet Mittagsessen oder Abendbrot
3.>>to late>> “too late”
4.>>trafficlight>>> wird getrennt geschrieben>>“traffic light”
5.>>”thats the show”..ein Apostroph hinter “that”>> that’s
6.>>too late
7.>>viel, viel besser >> bad prospects to have a nice day =schlechte Aussichten, Chancen, Perspectiven
oder „bad probability.....to have a nice day”
Eine schlechte Wahrscheinlichkeit ….
8.>>(be) ‘cause…ein Apostroph vor “cause”
9.>>Ich verstehe hier nicht so genau was du gemeint hast>> Wolltest du sagen: „Frage mich nicht ob .....? dann: „if“
„either or .......not“, neither……..nor, whether or no
Genau wie die deutsche Form: >> immer nach „entweder“ „ wird „oder“ gebraucht.>>wie auch “weder ….....noch“
(wether=kastrierter Hammel)

©Edited by E.A.v.M.03/12/2010

Gruss
Ina

Fortsetzung....

The Unreturned Love

Whatch(1) over me
There are a few day left(2)
Whatch over me
I can't await this moment
I'm so nervous
I can't hack it
I'm so excited
I can feel it
I detest it
The unreturned love?
Take your time
when you're thinking
Youre(3) able to raise my hope
and please no kidding
when you promise me the moon
I hate losing
More than ever when I tuned in (4)
to triumphing(5)

When I saw you
the really first time
Who'd a thunk(6) you didn't
feel fine
You are ideal and never
commit a crime
But how can I know whether (7)
you ever will be mine?

I know I am late
And I don't accept my fate!
I'm at a loss what to do(8)
No dreams come true! (9)

1.>> whatch>>soll sein>>watch
2.>> wenn “there are”…..dann>>>days
3.>> You’re able to raise my hope
4.>> I’m tuned in
5.>> soll sein>>>to triumph
6.>> “THUNK” ist falsch, “Hunch” ist korrekt.(wenn ich richtig verstanden habe was du gemeint hast?) eine Ahnung, Vorahnung, Gefühl haben
„thunk“>> eine Methode der Parameterübergabe (in Programmiersprache) oder es kann auch sein>> Geräusch eines auf dem Boden aufkommenden Basketballs
7.>>das hatten wir schon einmal….”.whether…..or not” entweder....oder
Korrekt>>>”But how can I know if…”
8.>> Besser waere:>>”I’m at a loss, not knowing what to do”
9.>>nur ein Vorschlag>>Eine andere Form waere “No dreams ever come true”<<

©Edited by E.A.v.M.03/12/2010

Gruss
Ina

Not Her

Sometimes there are days,
you only want to scream,
you're searching for other ways
staying alone in this little world
is(1) like a mirror falling down,
Yes babay(2), I mean what I say

Just try believe me,(3)
it's not very easy
running away and only to hide
Please try to relieve(4) me,
I'm feeling so sleazy
I need a real friend by my side

I've been waiting so long
for so many things to change
nothing happens, I wasn't strong
But you show me the real world,
to have fun, no, it's not wrong

You try to help me if you can
you try to rescue me,
from all the pain
No one ever did that, yeah
and you know it, I know it
its out there, somewhere(5)

But you are the one,
who never ask questions
You are the one,
eavesdrop my voice(6)
You are the one whos telling me the truth (7)
You are the one,
respecting my choice

You are the one,
who has a mind of his own
You are the one
who's very strong
You are the one
who never lied straight to my face
I thank you,
for all you've done(8)


1.>> It’s …..
2.>> BABAY>>> sicher ein Schreibfehler
3.>> entweder ein Komma hinter”try” oder "to believe"
4.>> meinst du etwa “ beruhigen “ dann >> becalm oder calm me down
5.>> viel besser>>> It’s somewhere, out there
6.>> Sollte sein>>>”That eavesdrops my voice"
7.>> „who’s“ aber du kannst es auch ganz rausnehmen. The Sinn bleibt erhalten.
8.>> viel, viel besser>>>”for all that you've done.” oder >> "for everything you’ve done”

©Edited by E.A.v.M.03/12/2010

Fortsetzung folgt....
Gruss
Ina