Burning Bibles

These lyrics might be offensive to some people!

Verses:

You bleed internally
and hate eternally
the only end in sight
does not require a fight

Your pain has god dethroned
moaning of the wolrd has shown
a creature now despised
left you living through your demise

The cross burns your common sense
hordes to war for its defense
life dedicated to an illusion
burning bibles as a solution

Rather do your deeds whether unholy
or forbidden, find your glory
without a god on your side
range of possibilities so wide!

Refrain:

Your belief in god is useless
just let me see all of the bruises
for which you haven't found excuses!
See?

___________________________________

This is supposed to turn into a Thrash/Death-Metal song, so please tell me what you think of the lyrics

You're right, some people would find this set offensive.....but not me. You have a good variety of word choice, which is something that is really working for you in the song. However, it seems to me that the timing might be off with the patterns in a couple parts, almost like it's a bit forced. I would suggest tweaking a couple lines, specifically "left you living through your demise" and "Rather do your deeds whether unholy". If it were me, I would change them to "left you living in demise" and Rather do your deeds unholy". They're not very drastic and keep the meaning of the song the same, but also flow somewhat better. Aside from that, great job. Keep it up!

@2012:
Thanks
I don't know, I'm sure there is room for improvement in these lyrics, so I guess I might change some parts of it.

Originally Posted by Sewn Up

You're right, some people would find this set offensive.....but not me. You have a good variety of word choice, which is something that is really working for you in the song. However, it seems to me that the timing might be off with the patterns in a couple parts, almost like it's a bit forced. I would suggest tweaking a couple lines, specifically "left you living through your demise" and "Rather do your deeds whether unholy". If it were me, I would change them to "left you living in demise" and Rather do your deeds unholy". They're not very drastic and keep the meaning of the song the same, but also flow somewhat better. Aside from that, great job. Keep it up!

Thank you

I don't think the timing will be that big of a problem, for example if you look at some other songs, especially from the band Slayer, one can see that the timing isn't a big problem there because they "sing" the lyrics very fast so it doesn't matter if there's a word too much in a verse.
My idea was that this song would turn into a fast metal song, too, so I think that'll be alright.

But I definitely agree, it might be better to change that, it can't hurt and will definitely not sound bad if I tweak them a bit.
Your ideas are really good, I think I'll change the lyrics they way you recommended it, especially about the "demise"-thing, I think the other advice you gave me about changing the lyrics would change the meaning of the verse.
It's supposed to say that one should do his stuff even if it's unholy or forbidden, the way you put it it would sound like one should only do his deeds unholy and forbidden.