My Release

I'm a free spirit that has been shot down and wronged
I pleaded for help a kind gentle mercy

My heart felt like it rose up to my throat as you choked the life from me
I cried with pain; can barely speak your name

Throat swelling burning like a flame
This fire this burning I'm yearning for help

This is all I have ever felt
My life as its slipping

Veins running cold
My blood as its churning its last

My lungs choking for air breathing heavy
And nobodies there to hold me tight

Or watch this site as I fall to my knees
In a last try to be set free abandoning all of me

Because there is nothing left for me
Why can't I ever just see?

As the rain falls it sucks the life from me
My one joy to hear and feel the rain and it consumes me

And this ending pain; no more shame

I finally did get round to looking at your work (I don't use this site much).

Honestly...

Good. Looks like theres a lot of emotion there, though, obviosuly not having lived your life, I don't know what about.

Sometimes the rhythm seems slightly lost, mostly in the second verse.

Lot of imagery though, that makes up for it.

Overall, good. I look for different things in poetry cos normally mine's over a beat, but this has got some power to it.

Keep writing!

Maybe next time try it for music (assuming this isn't).

I agree about the beat thing, but lately I have been writing free verse and I enjoy it. I like disturbed because their lyrics are choppy in a way I like.

Really enjoyed reading this. Wont type much as i m using a tiny computer whilst on an exercise bike. I love the emotion in what appears to be a slow drawn out death. A line seems a little long at the start but its poetry so anything goes.

Alex