For my best friend.

Thread: For my best friend.

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  1. sicklad said:

    Default For my best friend.

    I wrote this for my best friend. She moved 4,000km's away last year. She's been visiting recently, and she asked me to write her something. I usually don't write poems, but this is my first attempt at writing this style in a few years. We both really like each other (even though she has a bf back where she lives) so this was my way of expressing the situation to her.
    Would love to hear some feedback

    Mountains and deserts
    Will I see you again?
    Overcome the obstacles
    And finally reach the end

    A symbiotic experience
    Seperated for the moment
    My brain remains unstable
    While you remain absent

    Glued to the smile
    Stuck within my eye
    North and south
    Feeling like they collide

    Too far away for me to see
    Too far away for me to hold
    Close enough for me to feel
    A true love story, untold.
  2. SiLvEr_MooN's Avatar

    SiLvEr_MooN said:

    Default

    Not a bad start

    I hope you don't mind my suggestion of editting it in that way:

    "Too far away for me to see
    Too far away to hold
    But close enough to feel
    A true love story, untold."

    I think it sounds better with less "for me"s