Two freestyle raps.

Thread: Two freestyle raps.

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  1. Tyler6270 said:

    Default Two freestyle raps.

    Both thought of in under ten minutes. I honestly don't really try and rap all that much, I just write a lot of poetry, (each poem usually taking a week) So I figured I would challenge myself and try to write some freestyle stuff without any thought put into it. Tell me whatcha think! Thanks guys! -Tyler6270.

    All you fake a** nig*** do is talk about sins
    When we brothas are true to the game and true to our kins
    We spit what we mean and we don't hold back
    Nig** you can still rap you ain't gotta be black

    I throw out my thoughts to express how I'm feelin'
    But all you whack a** brothas do is look at my rap and start stealin
    Man write your own sh**, why you be cheatin?
    You keep this sh** up ima hurt you so bad, the hospital spit you out sayin there ain't no possibility for healin.

    Yeah I had decent life growin up
    But that ain't my fault nig**, you actin like a chump
    I can't help that my parents were fine
    and I wasn't a lonely a** kid wishin to die

    Yeah I had a lot of tears left to be cried,
    but nig** i worked for this sh**, leave it be its all mine
    I be playin head games with you fo all of your life
    And when your at work I take the time to f**k your wife

    I throw out my thoughts to express how I'm feelin'
    But all you whack a** brothas do is look at my rap and start stealin
    Man write your own sh**, why you be cheatin?
    You keep this sh** up ima hurt you so bad, the hospital spit you out sayin there ain't no possibility for healin.

    You come up on my turf looking like you tough
    you a fake a** gangsta boy, you ain't rough
    I'll say to yo face, and put you down on the ground
    Boy f**k making you a bi***, you'll be my hound

    You fetch the bone when I throw it and tell you to go
    because bi*** deep down you aint nuttin but a ho
    you listen to the words that come out my mouth
    if I tell you to suck mah di**, your head best be going south

    I try and rap my feelins as best I can
    I just wanna help people out, woman or man
    People need this sh** to help them clear out they mind
    Because when your lookin deep down, you never know what you'll find

    It's insane the amount of thoughts we reimburse
    We can even stop brothas from reachin that herse
    you need to take this time out and just sit there and think
    You may just need a little rap, cause fu** seein a shrink

    You ain't crazy man you just a little dizzy in the head
    But don't go get shot, because you don't wish you was dead
    A lot of people say they want to be just like me
    But nig** are you blind, can't you just look and see?

    My life isn't all great, it's not perfect as can be
    Your getting a level view, you need to go climb that tree
    look down on my life, and look at it close
    you'll see all my haters, and the people who dispise me the most

    I don't try and make enemies or try and find friends
    You see my twisted life with all its curves and it bends?
    I'm rappin to get money, so I can tie up my ends
    I have to sit here with this pen, trying to fix what I f***ed up, attempting to mend
    But this is all I have and I want, whether or not I make it just depends
    On my fans and family backin me up, because I need a good signal, and it's what they send

    I can't do this alone I'm not an angel or god
    But man I feel like him when I hear that applaud
    I love what I do that ain't ever goin change
    I dont give a f**k if I come off loud and little strange

    Because in the end it doesn't matter nig** we are all here to die
    But I don't have time to just sit there and cry
    I have to try and rap because man it's what I do
    I love my fans, and I hope this rap can influence you

    So I take my time and this is what I attempt to say....


    I throw out my thoughts to express how I'm feelin'
    But all you whack a** brothas do is look at my rap and start stealin
    Man write your own sh**, why you be cheatin?
    You keep this sh** up ima hurt you so bad, the hospital spit you out sayin there ain't no possibility for healin.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I've just been so depressed lately
    so bummed out and no reason why
    I know it's a given feeling and not an innately
    All I wanna do is just sit and cry

    Feel my tears slowly crawl down my face
    I don't wanna do anything anymore not even smile
    Inside I can't help but feel ashamed and disgrace
    I know I'm sad, I'll skip the first step, theres no point in denial

    I have nothing here for me, nothing to lose
    man I'm so lost in my head i don't know what to do
    happiness avoids me with hatered and vain, a manner quite ruse
    Depressed emotions are coming over me in slews

    I think I'm going to just quit and give up
    I mean even If I try and hang on, I won't gain a thing
    My life is a circle, that's repeatedly f***ed
    I can't shake this feeling, no matter how hard I try it just clings.

    I can't help but just sit and here and vibe man
    Nah this isn't pro, and it's not about a dude named stan
    But it's still a sad story of how life just goes by
    We all have time limit, a time and place that we die

    I can't shake that feeling that I'm here for nothing
    I ain't good at anything, and I'm always in sh**
    I always wake up in the night feeling that slight sting
    So I think this is guys, I'm done, I quit..

    Haha, I honestly think these are terrible, but I just felt like I would post my first attempts so if I ever get good I can come back and laugh at this haha. Thanks for reading guys.
  2. 020Jeffs said:

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    This is never going to fit to any beat that obeys the laws of physics.
    Why have you used the word n*gga so much?
    Just because it's rap doesn't mean you have to swear and all that.

    Rhyme scheme was weak and bland.
    No good metaphors, plays on words, similies, clever twists.
    No thesis.
    No flow.

    I HATE when the only thing people seem to rap about is themselves and how amazing or good at something they are.
  3. Tyler6270 said:

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    Thanks for the criticism, but do you mind being a bit more constructive? If you point out the flaws it would be nice if you would say what to do to fix it, or give any tips/pointers. No, I don't have to swear, I can make a rhyme without it, but if you want to call it swearing then go ahead and do so. I see them as words with more emphasis than a normal word. Swearing really isn't a big deal with me, nor should it be with anyone. A word is a word, nothing will change that.
  4. 020Jeffs said:

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    Thanks for the lecture.. I'll write that down.

    It's simple to take opinions on what to do to improve it in my opinion.
    I'm not saying that I could tell you how to make this good or that my opinion on how to improve it is the right one.

    Look at the things that I have said are missing, and add them.
    Simples?
  5. Tyler6270 said:

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    Haha, yeah it would be simple if you got what I meant. You said what it's missing, but how is it missing that? I mean that's like saying to a drummer in your band: "Man that beat is too slow, you need to make it faster." Yeah it's criticism, but not very good criticism. If he said: "Man, that beat is too slow. You need to add some Ghost Notes in to make it faster or just play in sixteenth time." Then the drummer could make those changes easier, making his beat more appealing.
  6. 020Jeffs said:

    Default

    Okay, so to fix flow, you need to be aware of the fact that you only have 4 beats to a bar and you have a line there
    "You keep this sh** up ima hurt you so bad, the hospital spit you out sayin there ain't no possibility for healin."
    Which is NEVER gonna fit and sound good at the same time.

    When I write lyrics I tap on my leg for a beat or nod my head as I rap the words so that I can make sure it flows.

    Your rhyme scheme could do with some improvement, it's not that your words don't rhyme, it's just that they don't sound exciting or sick.
    for instance "you need to take this time out, and just sit there and think"
    Let's crank it up a bit and make the line more exciting.
    "Your linguistics are minimalistic. Take a break, sit back and rehearse.
    Flows better and just sounds heavily interesting no?

    Also, see how the last word of the bar is multi syllabic: "Rehearse"
    This leaves your next bar open to SO MANY possibilitis, much more than a one syllable word.
    "My rhymes are twisted, I'm cannibalistic and mystically diverse"

    Injecting some multi syllabic rhymes is a definite way to crank up the ante.

    Next thing I would say is that all you have rapped about is yourself and how good you are an how bad everyone else is. That instantly turns your rhymes down unless you do it well.

    When you rap, think about a subject you're incredibly passionate about, and let the feeling effect you. Get to actually FEELING that feeling. You'll find that it changes your rhyme scheme. Get a message across and make your audience feel it too.

    All you need do then is give clever metaphors and similes. Some twists to your rap. An example of this is to make your rap seem like you're rapping about one thing for the entirety of the piece and then have one line that makes people see that you're actually rapping about something else. A clever twist.

    Make metaphors that are deep and meaningful.

    Save your swear words, use them minimally to give huge impact when you actually use them

    I look forward to reading your next piece.
  7. Tyler6270 said:

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    Damn, I never really thought of the head bobbing thing, thanks dude. I will definitely work on my beat with that. I like that bar thing too haha. Your linguistics are minimalistic. Take a break, sit back and rehearse. Haha I love it dude. I will definitely try to spice it up. Now when you rap do you write the plan version first then go back and try to spice it up, or do those thoughts just come to you in like an instant? I will definitely try to add a little story to it, and use some Metaphors and Similes. Thanks for all the help man!
  8. 020Jeffs said:

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    I don't write plan versions.
    I think about what I want to say, and then I say it in a stylish and meaningful way

    Every now and then I will write a piece that I rap to myself multiple times and I'll go back and tweak it, taking out a syllable or adding one to make it flow better, or just taking out lines I don't like.
  9. Tyler6270 said:

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    Alright thanks man. I mean maybe if I put some thought into it when It was done I could thing of better words to use, but not right off the bat. Not even close to that good lol.