Quisiera Ser - Can anyone improve this?

I'm translating Quisiera Ser for my website www.alejandrosanz4englishspeakers.com and since it's quite a poetic, complicated song I thought I would check if anyone here spotted a better way of translating it before I put it up because I'm not entirely happy with it.

Quisiera ser el dueno
I'd like to be the owner
Del pacto de tu boca
Of the pact of your mouth
Quisiera ser el verbo al que no invitas
I'd like to be the verb that you don't invite
A la fiesta de tu voz
To the party of your voice
Te has preguntado alguna vez, di la verdad
You have wondered some time, tell the truth
Si siente el viento
If the wind feels
Debajo de tu ropa
Under your clothes
Cuando te banas en el mar desnuda
When you bath in the sea naked
Y te acaricia el cuerpo
And it caressed your body
Y en la fiesta de tu piel
And in the party of your skin
Se sentiran la sal, las olas, sentira la arena
You'll feel the salt, the waves, you'll feel the sand
Me da pena
It makes me sad
Quisiera ser el aire que escapa de tu risa
I'd like to be the air that escapes from your laugh
Quisiera ser la sal para escocerte en tus heridas
I'd like to be the salt that smarts from your wounds
Quisiera ser la sangre que envuelves con tu vida
I'd like to be the blood that you wrap up with your life
Quisiera ser el sueno que jamas compartirias
I'd like to be the dream that you would never share
Y el jardin de tu alegria de la fiesta de tu piel
And the garden of your joy from the party of your skin
Son de esos besos que ni frio, ni calor
Are of those kisses that are neither hot nor cold
Pero si son de tu boca
But if they're from your mouth
Tambien los quiero yo
I want them too
Quisiera ser sincero
I'd like to be sincere
Apuesto a que te pierdo
I bet that I lose you
En esta frase solo pido tu perdon
In this frase alone I ask your forgiveness
Por que no escribo algo mejor. Ay yo no se.
Why don't I write something better. Oh, I don't know
Me has preguntado alguna vez, por preguntar,
You have asked me some time, by asking,
Por que motivo he dibujado el aire
For what reason have I drawn the air
Que juagaba a ser silencio
That was playing at being silence
Si en realidad te entiendo
If in reality I understand you
O solo nos queremos
Or we just want to love each other
Y si a la noche como a mi duele
And if at night as with me it hurts
Tanto desear de lejos
To desire so much from afar
Se sentiran la sal, las olas, sentira la arena
You'll feel the salt, the waves, you'll feel the sand
Me da pena
It makes me sad

Thanks to anyone who helps me improve it.

Quisiera ser el dueno
I'd like to be the owner
Del pacto de tu boca
Of the agreement of your mouth
Quisiera ser el verbo al que no invitas
I'd like to be the verb that you don't invite
A la fiesta de tu voz
To the party of your voice
Te has preguntado alguna vez, di la verdad
Have you wondered some time, tell the truth
Si siente el viento
If the wind feels
Debajo de tu ropa
Under your clothes
Cuando te banas en el mar desnuda
When you bath in the sea naked
Y te acaricia el cuerpo
And it caresses your body
Y en la fiesta de tu piel
And in the party of your skin
Se sentiran la sal, las olas, sentira la arena
The salt, the waves will be felt, the sand will be felt
Me da pena
It makes me sad
Quisiera ser el aire que escapa de tu risa
I'd like to be the air that escapes from your laugh
Quisiera ser la sal para escocerte en tus heridas
I'd like to be the salt to sting you in your wounds
Quisiera ser la sangre que envuelves con tu vida
I'd like to be the blood that you envelop with your life
Quisiera ser el sueno que jamas compartirias
I'd like to be the dream that you would never share
Y el jardin de tu alegria de la fiesta de tu piel
And the garden of your joy from the party of your skin
Son de esos besos que ni frio, ni calor
(They) Are of those kisses that are neither hot nor cold
Pero si son de tu boca
But if they're from your mouth
Tambien los quiero yo
I want them too
Quisiera ser sincero
I'd like to be sincere
Apuesto a que te pierdo
I bet that I lose you
En esta frase solo pido tu perdon
In this frase I only ask for your forgiveness
Por que no escribo algo mejor. Ay yo no se.
Why don't I write something better. Oh, I don't know
Me has preguntado alguna vez, por preguntar,
You have asked me some time, only for asking,
Por que motivo he dibujado el aire
For what reason have I drawn the air
Que juagaba a ser silencio
That was playing at being silence
Si en realidad te entiendo
If in reality I understand you
O solo nos queremos
Or we just love each other
Y si a la noche como a mi duele
And if at night it hurts (you) like (it hurts) me
Tanto desear de lejos
To desire so much from afar
Se sentiran la sal, las olas, sentira la arena
The salt, the waves will be felt, the sand will be felt
Me da pena
It makes me sad


well, almost perfect
i only changed some details
you get better with every translation!

Thanks again Marifen. Did you get to check out my website and see your credit in La Fuerza Del Corazon?

yes i did and i think you have done an awesome job.Thanks again for the credits.If you need again any help just post it or send me a message.Bye
xxx

Hey there! I love Alejandro Sanz´s songs, and I´m glad someone is translating them into English. If you need any help, contact me please! I´d be glad to help!
So, I read your translation, and here are a few modifications on some of the lines which sounded a little odd to me... (I wrote them in the order they appear in the lyrics)



Te has preguntado alguna vez, di la verdad
Have you ever wondered, tell the truth



Me has preguntado alguna vez, por preguntar,
You have asked me some time, just for the sake of asking


Si en realidad te entiendo
If I really understand you

O solo nos queremos
Or we just love each other


Y si a la noche como a mi duele
Tanto desear de lejos
And if it hurts the night as it hurts me
so much wishing from afar
(the idea in these two lines is that wishing hurts both the night and himself, I don´t know if you got that by the way I translated the lines)

Hi Paula

I love Alejandro Sanz's music - I only wish he was more well known to English speakers - anyway I'm hoping my site will make him more accessible. Thanks for offering to help - I've emailed you about it - I hope you get it. Basically I need all the help I can get - he has lots of songs lol! So feel free to post anything you can on to my forum then I'll copy it onto the songs section and credit you with it. Look forward to seeing you there.

Sam