Wishes, Wishes, Wishes

I wish I was 20 feet deep.
Far away enough to get some sleep.
Watch as the time will creep,
creep its way around me in a heap.

I wish there was no place to call home.
A reason to give a dog his bone.
That no one could ever be left alone,
left alone on the telephone.

Slim it anyway you see it,
it's not right.
Nothing's ever gonna change,
until you take a chance.
You can't succeed if you don't try,
so give it all you got.

I wish for a day that will never end.
Lights that never fade and never bend.
Or maybe someone that can be your friend?
Or nothing in this world that will contend.

Props of props of props that passed.
Throw it out, give it a cast.
Will this summer end, will it last?
Our love is over, your eyes sure do flicker fast.

Slim it anyway you see it,
it's not right.
Nothing's ever gonna change,
until you take a chance.
You can't succeed if you don't try,
so give it all you got,
and don't be afraid to die.

And don't be afraid to die.

And don't be afraid to die.

You hit the nail on the head,
with that last smirk.
You drove it in deep,
you couldn't even twist.
I never even missed you,
you were just by yourself.
I never even kissed you,
or put your picture on the shelf.

You can't succeed if you don't try.

So give it all you got.

And don't be afraid to die.

Lyrics didn't make much sense to me.

Originally Posted by Toasted Wonderbread

Lyrics didn't make much sense to me.

Well, there's a deeper underlying message that you have to decode in the words. Sorry if it didn't make sense, I don't aim to make perfect sense, but to clear my mind.

Originally Posted by PointZero

Well, there's a deeper underlying message that you have to decode in the words. Sorry if it didn't make sense, I don't aim to make perfect sense, but to clear my mind.

It just seemed like you tried too hard in the rhymes and not enough in the general meaning of the song. In no way do I claim to be an expert or even good at rhyming myself, I have only written one rap, I am just saying some of these rhymes seem forced. Don't take it personally I have nothing against you I am just trying to give you some sort of feedback.

Originally Posted by Toasted Wonderbread

It just seemed like you tried too hard in the rhymes and not enough in the general meaning of the song. In no way do I claim to be an expert or even good at rhyming myself, I have only written one rap, I am just saying some of these rhymes seem forced. Don't take it personally I have nothing against you I am just trying to give you some sort of feedback.

Well first of all, this isn't a rap if that's what you're saying haha. But yeah, this is just a rough draft of something I will never complete. Everything I write on here, I make it up on the spot. Please, check out my other writings, they are so much better than this.

Originally Posted by PointZero

Well first of all, this isn't a rap if that's what you're saying haha. But yeah, this is just a rough draft of something I will never complete. Everything I write on here, I make it up on the spot. Please, check out my other writings, they are so much better than this.

Not saying it was but it still seemed forced. I will check them out. I understand it's hard to come up with something on the spot, it's great for just knocking it out in a few minutes.