Victory

Hi, I'm new, in fact I only joined about ten minutes ago. Anyway, recently I realised that the best songs always start with emotion, something powerful from the person. The thing is, you can end up writing things out of emotion without realising it, which is why a lot of the stuff here is amazing But I'm a little too young to feel the emotions I'm writing about, so I warn you: my lyrics are very tacky in some places.

Victory is actually more of an "ironic victory", hence the key is G minor. It tells the story of two people who are broken up, but one of them keeps trying to hurt the other one. The song is from the point of view of the one who gets hurt. I wrote this a couple of years ago and then I just wanted to write a song, so the chords are also very simple. I don't know if you're allowed to post links to the song but anyway, I'll stop rambling on and give you some lyrics, and by the way, please no stealing:

Victory - Copyright © RobberBaron Enterprises 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZY6KErCXRU

[ Verse ]

Congratulations you did it,
You finally knocked me down,
You even left me hanging,
Well this is your touchdown

Winning's not that great,
It has it's own issues,
You know you've sealed the fate,
For the one that you lose

[ Pre-Chorus ]

You were supposed to be
So close to me
But instead you left me speechless
So now I ask
Can you unmask
These feelings that you hide

[ Chorus ]

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

You're full of lies,
My last goodbye,
I'll always see,
Through your disguise

The last mistake,
That I'll ever make,
Is to pursue,
The one I outgrew

If I'd've known,
That I'd sit alone,
Then I never would've,
Picked up the phone

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

[ Verse ]

When it was all over,
And there was nothing left to gain,
You struck me in the heart,
You caused me the most pain

Now I don't need you anymore,
Yet you still ran back,
But now you're too late
Too late to attack

[ Pre-Chorus ]

Don't think, don't scream,
Don't wish, don't dream,
The battle is won,
But the war's extreme

Don't run, don't fight,
Just hold on tight,
You can't last,
While you're uptight

[ Chorus ]

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

You're full of lies,
My last goodbye,
I'll always see,
Through your disguise

The last mistake,
That I'll ever make,
Is to pursue,
The one I outgrew

If I'd've known,
That I'd sit alone,
Then I never would've,
Picked up the phone

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

[Bridge]

I didn't have the time,
To wait for your games to end,
Remember how it was,
Before pride killed off my friend

I should've known that you,
Wouldn't play by the rules,
But baby now you're back,
You just look like a big fool

[ Chorus ]

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

You're full of lies,
My last goodbye,
I'll always see,
Through your disguise

The last mistake,
That I'll ever make,
Is to pursue,
The one I outgrew

If I'd've known,
That I'd sit alone,
Then I never would've,
Picked up the phone

You've got no trophy,
And now you've lost me,
You may have won,
But it's no victory

Nice lyrics. I like these lines

"Congratulations you did it,
You finally knocked me down,"

I´m quite confused about structure, verses and rhymes.

Thanks for your comment
Are we aloud to post links? I made a recording of my friend singing this, so I could post a link to the file so you could see the structure.

The bridge and the outer bridge have the same chords and basic tune, but naturally the outer bridge has to be sung faster to fit in all the words.

This is good and don't worry if your lyrics are cliche or tacky coz it happens with the first few songs.

Thanks everyone
By the way, when sung, the line "And now you've even lost me" is actually said "And now you've lost me".

I like it. Hollow victories and empty promises - that's what I get I like the feeling of resentment and the feeling of relief. I don't know if that's what you were going for but that's my interpretation!!!
The way it's put together is confusing though... which bit's which? I've never heard of an outer bridge!! :/ But maybe I should have...

I forgot to mention, the bridges really should be "pre-choruses". I'm glad, though, because it was definitely supposed to be a hollow victory. I played it for my piano teacher without the words and he asked if it was an ironic victory, so I'm glad you all agree that it's not a real victory.

*Smile* Beautiful piece of lyricism, dear sir!

-Nanashi-

I like this, and as you will get to know on here I am not famous for liking much so a big well done.

Thank you so much guys! You really thought it was a beautiful piece of lyricism? And thank you too Experimentalist, as I'm sure I'll learn a like from you is a great honour

If it seems weird that I thanked everyone, do mind that they weren't all at the same time and also that I found everyone helpful.
If you would to hear it sung on my recording (not of me, of my friend) then either message me with the subject "Victory song" or tell me if I'm allowed to post links here or not and I'll put it in this post.

Thanks again

I think I might add an actual bridge, now I have some ideas. Updates soon

Also note: the recording is in Bbm, not Gm. I've just noticed other people have posted links so I'll risk it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZY6KErCXRU
Bear in mind this was only an early version; I've got more changes to the music, and also we tried AutoTune but it made some bits seem very odd. But apart from that, hope you enjoy!

Update: I added a bridge, how is it? What do you think of the change to the chorus? Do you prefer it before, or after?