First timer

Thread: First timer

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  1. mastamags said:

    Default First timer

    Alright so this is my first time posting my lyrics. Id love feedback

    Verse1
    I told you I'm dangerous
    My hearts confused
    Just give up stay away
    I'll break you too
    A million pieces and leave it all behind
    Ill walk away erasing you from my mind

    Chorus
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats always been my role
    I'll leave you standing all alone
    I try to help you out by telling you to go
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats all I've ever known

    Verse2
    You blame me when your hurtin'
    I told you so
    You asked me if 'I loved you'
    I answered with a no,
    Would you rather me sit her and lie to your face?
    Ill leave you with your tears and vanish without a trace

    Chorus
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats always been my role
    I'll leave you standing all alone
    I try to help you out by telling you to go
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats all I've ever known

    Bridge
    I don't wanna hurt you Don't make it seem like that,
    This is what I told you would happen,
    So next time just remember when your feelings for me arise,
    You better kick em to the curb babe cause I'll leave you behind

    Chorus
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats always been my role
    I'll leave you standing all alone
    I try to help you out by telling you to go
    Cause I'ma heartbreaker thats all I've ever known

    Let me know what you think
     
  2. Katie13's Avatar

    Katie13 said:

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    I quite like this - it's got some good lines and I think it's well structured A different message; it works
    "If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, I'd hide somewhere faraway..."
     
  3. mastamags said:

    Default

    Thank you very much : )
     
  4. RobberBaron said:

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    I agree, good connection, I know what this part is like "You asked me if I loved you,
    I answered with a no,
    Would you rather me sit here and lie to your face?"
     
  5. lppageguitar said:

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    Over this is a great idea! The topic is rich and you know the situation well. I would say that the chorus is a keeper, great idea and well written. Here are a few rules I always follow: 1. Show before you Tell - Use some imagery to set up your point (the chorus). Dive into all of your senses and create some imagery from that, no one sees, feels, smells, touches or tastes the world exactly like anyone else, it will give you completely original ideas! 2. Use your verses to give information about the entire point of your song (The Chorus) BUT (this is the hard part) make sure that each verse makes the chorus more interesting, hence, give one angle of the story in one verse, and shine a whole new light on it with the next one. 3. Use all kinds of rhyme - Perfect rhyme can work but if you can open up to all types of rhyme (you can research all the types) the possibilities are endless and you will find a wealth of ways to carry your message across to the listener! I would say you have a potentially GREAT lyric here, if you're serious about songwriting I'd look into some of the tools listed above. Nice work!
     
  6. mykerod said:

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    yea i like the idea of this song alot!! different aspect, good job