Something about you has got me feeling like you could be the one,
When I see other girls it gets me thinking how you're second to none,
You've got me falling so fast,
Wondering how I even lived without you in the past,
The future is looking so bright,
Feeling that this could be right,
Now I'm waiting for the time,
When you see you should be mine,

I will wait for you,
Until the suns flame burns out,
Until the worlds ocean turn to drought,
Until the arctic glaciers melt away,
Until the colors of rainbows turn to gray,
I will wait for you,
For all eternity,
Until you're here by me,
As long as the world is turning,
And as long as I'm still breathing,
You can count on me,
Just know I will always be,
Waiting for you,

You're worth waiting my whole life for,
If I could I would do more,
To show you how much I care,
And let you know no matter what I'll be there,
Through the good the bad and all in between,
I swear to you everything I say I mean,
A simple hi from you can turn my day around,
Turn my bad day upside down,
If I can promise something to you today,
It's I will wait to be with you someday,

I will wait for you,
Until the suns flame burns out,
Until the worlds ocean turn to drought,
Until the arctic glaciers melt away,
Until the colors of rainbows turn to gray,
I will wait for you,
For all eternity,
Until you're here by me,
As long as the world is turning,
And as long as I'm still breathing,
You can count on me,
Just know I will always be,
Waiting for you,

Waiting to call you my baby,
Waiting to make you my lady,
Waiting to hold you tight,
Waiting to make everything alright,
Waiting to see my life start,
Waiting to give you my heart,

I will wait for you,
Until the suns flame burns out,
Until the worlds ocean turn to drought,
Until the arctic glaciers melt away,
Until the colors of rainbows turn to gray,
I will wait for you,
For all eternity,
Until you're here by me,
As long as the world is turning,
And as long as I'm still breathing,
You can count on me,
Just know I will always be,
Waiting for you.

Hi Zer0,
This is a cool love song. I like the way it just drifts along expressing words or thoughts of undying love. I found my self anticipating what you had to say next. And I think it develops to a conclusion well. If you had ask me: should I change anything? I would say don't change any of the wording. There are a lot of words in this song, and that's ok. I might recommend removing the middle chorus, or at least try the song without it. To me it stalls the song and to some extent disrupts the flow. That might not be the case for you or anyone else. If it's just me, sorry, sometimes I'm a little goofy like that. It's a beautifull song. I love it!

It's I will wait to be with you some day,

X Chorus (thirteen stanzas)
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X

Waiting to call you my baby.

Thank you. I appreciate the advice.

Zer0: Not being a songwriter, I yield to OneSongWayne's suggestion. If I understand correctly, he is merely suggesting that the middle repeat of the refrain be left out. It didn't occur to me as I read your song (and I'll tell you why in a minute); but I think dropping one chorus repeat is a good idea. Now, for the reason: I love the refrain! It is my favorite part of the song! When I read it, I actually heard the music!!!! REALLY! So nice:

I will wait for you,
Until the suns flame burns out,
Until the worlds ocean turn to drought,
Until the arctic glaciers melt away,
Until the colors of rainbows turn to gray,
I will wait for you,
For all eternity,
Until you're here by me,
As long as the world is turning,
And as long as I'm still breathing,
You can count on me,
Just know I will always be,
Waiting for you,

So, the reason I agree with one less refrain repeat is: The refrain is already strong and impactful; hence, less (often) is more. It will leave the listener wanting to hear it again, because they will not get their "fill" of it! Thank you for sharing your song. That is a brave thing to do.

Frankie Jasmine hit the nail right on the head!

What a beautiful song.... I see a few parts I would have wrote diffrently. but we all have critics right. lol

see if you like the flow better.


Something about you has got me feeling like you could be the one,
When I see other girls it gets me thinking how you're second to none,
i'm falling so fast,Wondering how I even lived without you in the past,
The future is looking so bright, our love will forever last
Feeling that this could be right, you'll realize in good time
When you see it it you'll than know that you should be mine,

If not keep it the way it is. I like it... keep that up. you can only get better.

peace

Thanks guys, I'll take your advice. I really appreciate it.