Hey everyone! this is my first post here and this is one of my favorite work, so I would really like you're critiques
Quantility
Copyright 7 MAY 2011
Cross your arms
And pray for my end
Keep playing the main role
When everyone is just a stage for you
I'll tear that dress
Nail the veil into your cheeks
So no one will notice your voice
Red, red roses falling down my arms
They leave scratches telling me you're a liar
Blue, blue ocean will be the victim
Of a desperate reason to be spoken
[Chorus 1]
You're not the only one who has my eyes glued on
You're not the only one who i could talked about
You're not the only one who has tasted my highest quality
While quantity will make you feel so sorry
Sorry for me!
I'm on a cemetery
While black is my suit you painted so deeply with your fingers
I know a liar when I see one
And you are the tasteless part of this world
Crimson make-up you wear too thick
Makes you forget that you're nothing but a loaded gun
Velvet walls you slept in
makes you forget what this song is about
[chorus 1]
You're a liar!
But this is not for you
Take it down a massive step
Burn that mouth of yours
If you think you could make it out with a single scream
And it's okay for me to judge you a liar
'Cause I am one
All I said was a lie
[Chorus 1]
And the truth is!
[Chorus 2]
You are the only one who has my eyes glued on
The only one who i could talked about
The only one who has tasted my highest quality
I hope quantity will make you feel so sorry
Tell me what you think about it
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Quantility
Last edited by failedson; 06-13-2011 at 08:35 AM.
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Well this is just amazing in thought and expression! So many original lines, ideas, allusions and analogies, I just love it!
So that's what I think about it!
One of my favorite parts ...
Red, red roses falling down my arms
They leave scratches telling me you're a liar
Blue, blue ocean will be the victim
Of a desperate reason to be spoken
Fantastic allegories, I love the way you used classic symbology in that verse ... bridge? It seems perfect as a bridge ...
PS: I love the title too, it seems creative and original to me. So all in all, don't stop now! Keep writing and posting!!Last edited by jandros; 06-12-2011 at 12:07 PM. Reason: added PS
Having problems with vertigo for 2-3 days ... it's temporary, a mild case and it will pass, but for now I can't stay on the computer as much as normal :-/ ... -
I agree with Jandros... It has been expressed well.. You have deep meaning in your lyrics... Great title for the song... I wright rap songs but I am open to see anything and give it my feed back....Didn't see allot of rhyme to it, but some things don't need to always rhyme to be a hit...Good job... Question??? What style of music is this writen to?
And as always welcome to ATL Check you PMPeace Love Empathy
Sk'nDeep -
Big thanks man!
Originally Posted by jandros
Well this is just amazing in thought and expression! So many original lines, ideas, allusions and analogies, I just love it!
So that's what I think about it!
One of my favorite parts ...
Red, red roses falling down my arms
They leave scratches telling me you're a liar
Blue, blue ocean will be the victim
Of a desperate reason to be spoken
Fantastic allegories, I love the way you used classic symbology in that verse ... bridge? It seems perfect as a bridge ...
PS: I love the title too, it seems creative and original to me. So all in all, don't stop now! Keep writing and posting!!
Thank you so much Originally Posted by SK'nDeep
I have songs with some rhymes in it if you want to look at, lol.
This is something like, post hardcore...? Or something like that I can't really decide -_- maybe I'll post up the song after I record it
oh, and I've accept your request and replied your pm
